Title

University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 1, Number 4

Back

Creator: uR-I Publications
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
Office Space costs
Mariah Productions, campus promoters
Editorials
Classifieds
Out and About
Reviews- Rolling Stones "Steel Wheels", Wharton Center
Entertainment- "Look Who's Talking", B-52's
Date: October 18, 1989
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006334.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (3.22 MB)
Transcript: . ' , , ' .
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18
-October
1989
WHAT'S UP:
STONES ROLL ON
LATEST RELEASE:
Jagger & crew deliver
another hit... p. 10
@ The Rude one rides... p. 1
@ Bonin' with Dog Boy... p. 8
Volume I
Number4 © Classifieds •.. p.8
MSU's alternative
and truly
independent
voice
@ Out-and about.u p.9
© Entertainment ... p.12
.I Office is $~
too high
by M.l. ELRICK
uR-1 Executive Editor
A \ack of accessible office space
on campus leaves some MSU handicappers
four floors from safety.
The fourth floor of the Communication
Arts Building is home to the
Office of Programs for Handicapper
Students. located in room 477 of
CommArts, mobillty-restricted office
workers and any numberof mobilityrestricted
students may be trapped
near OPHS offices when elevators are
shut off - a standard procedure in a
fire· orother disaster situation.
"I think (the fourth floor) is probably
the wrong place for that office ..
. (and) I'm concerned about that," said
James Peters, directorof Facilities
Planning and Space Management at
MSU, who added that handicapper
needs and the fire code combine for very happy with the accommodations
•a built-in conflict." in CommArts."
Peters said guidelines set by the She praised CommArts for its
fire marshal! require elevators to be accessible entrances and restrooms,
shut off in case of a fire, while handi- adding "the options (on campus)are
rappers unable to negotiate stairs limited no matter how you look at it"
may be trapped several floors above Despite the new office space
the ground level. afforded by Comm Arts in 1981 , the
Blind students caught in the need for expansive ITV and WKAR
reading room for the blind on the MSU studio space on the first floor left only
Library's fourth floor during a disaster the upper floors of the building availare
also at risk, he added. able for offices like OPHS, Peters
OPHS Director Judy Gentile said said.
the fourth floor location poses a However, CommArts remains one
problem of "not just fire safety but ofthe most-accessible buildings on
accommodation." campus, with no steps into the build-
Wrth the lack of accessible space ing and an automatic door on the east
on campus, (acquiring) accessible parking lot entrance.
space Is a problem," she said. Peters said a relocation of the
In 1001, the office moved to larger OPHS office is in the works and would
quarters In CommArts, then recently help eliminate the risk of handicappers
completed for more than $20 mimon. · being stranded on an upper floor.
'We considered it a major "Ideally, those people would be on
achievement to get into this building the first floor by that (automatic door)
when it opened," Gentile said. "We're
sri-1~
TN CKE I
CF~
USE. I
SIA!RS 1
uR-5 m~tration/Stw~ Jabkm$k.l
entrance," he said.
OPHS efforts to obtain additional
office space in the nearby and expanded
Engineering Building appear
to have failed, Gentile said.
Housing OPHS offices adequately
in a ground floor situation would
require a new building with specific
plans for the office, Gentile said.
"I don't think you could find any
first floor building on this campus that
could accommodate our needs."
Dennis Martell, co-founder of the
Busting Barriers Task Force and a
member of the President's Handicapper
Advisory Committee, echoed
Gentile's sentiments that it would be
ideal to house handicapper offices on
the first floors of buildings, but that
there are more crucial handicapper
issues .
~vou'ra talking about a massive
See HANDICAPPER,p.2
I I
I
I
I
I
'
From HANDICAPPERS, P· 1
problem in society; he said .. •1t is a
concern ... but It's not on a high
priority list.·
Although Martell cited chan~ing
people's attitudes towards hanchca.ppers,
he said in an emergency,
ihose handicappers trapped (on
upper floors) are in a predicament.·
It is just that predicament that
ooncems Peters.
"I would like to move (the OPHS
offices) and bring them down to the
first floor of Comm Arts,· he said. "I
support that plan 100 percent.·
But Peters said there are currently
no plans to move handicapper
offices to the first floor of a specific
building and did not know when such
plans would be drawn.
However, he said change Y/111
come before a tragedy facilitates
university adion.
As architects become more
sensitive, fewer buildings are being
built with obstacles for handicappers,
Peters said.
For its part, the university will
oontinue to accommoc'3te handicappers,
he said.
·1 believe the university has corr 9
a long way ... (and) has done its
best,• Peters said.
Martell is unsatisfied.
"They're going to have be a lot
more responsive; he said.
cafeteria
at the
int_ernational center
"Good, reasonably priced food with that
little extra care!"
Right On Campus
Serving You Mon-Thurs: 7:30 a.m. - 9 p.m.
Friday: 7:30 a.m.- 4 p.m.
Also Open Football Saturdays
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l Coffee Beanery at CROSSROADS l
I I l (not to be used with other coupons or specials) l
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The Ladies of
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Proudly
Welcome
their 1989
Fall Pledge
Class!
~M iM
Page Three
The Second Front Pa e
Mariah: Campus promoters
land quality acts for MSU
From MARIAH, p. 1
college shows, problems in booking
do exist.
The main obstade in MSU's case
is that there is no medium venue
between the Ballroom and the 4000
seat Auditorium. This makes it
difficult to book bands like Jane's
Addiction who fit somewhere in
between.
Another problem with the Ballroom
is that it was not intentended for
Brand X rock n' roll. The stage is
comprised of temporary risers, and
the accoustics leave something to be
desired.
"The ballroom is a shoebox", says
Goike, "I'm disappointed with the
backstage area You have to go
through the crowd to get to the
stage.· ·
What MSU needs is a 1,000-seat
theatre and the only facility right now
is the Wharton Center's Great Hall
(capacity 2500). Besides the fact that
Wharton has a tight advanced
booking (in the rock n' roll biz,
. everything is done tomorrow), there is
a stiff damage penalty.
According to Goike, the seats are
sold in blocks of six, and if there is a
cigarette bum in one seat, the promoter
is billeq for all six. This precludes
most concert availablity.
Mariah is non-prof it, so they try to
keep ticket prices low for students
(last year's tix ran from $8 for Thelonioos
Monster to $14 for The Cowboy
Junkies). This creates difficulties,
Goike says.
"(We) have to count on a sell-out
or charge more for tickets,· he said. ·
Mariah dodges these details and
manages to book some great acts
every year, and their calender for '89/
'90 is under way. The kick-off is on
Halloween with Timbuk 3 in the
Ballroom with special guest, local
faves the Wayouts.
Goike also says that there are
some other shows in the works,
notably New York rockers 24-7 Spyz.
While not yet confirmed, this show copromoted
with Pop Entertainment is
looking for a chance sometime in
November.
5%off
regularly-priced
rubber stamps •••
Ezpires Dec. 15
Mariah head Matt Goike sits in his
Union Building digs.
Curious Comic Shop
307 E. Grand River
Open 7 Days 332-0222
Featuring
Maus by Art Spieglernan
Yummy Fur by Chester Brown
Love & Rockets by Los Bros Hernandez
American Splendor by Harvey Pekar
-Undergrounds -European Comics
The Cutting Edge of Comics:
More than just musclerrien in tights
HAIR A MESS?
Let us help you out-Come to
(;ARV'S CAMPUS
HAIR SALON
$9.00 uni-sex hair styling
"A Cut Above Yet Priced Below"
351-6511 549 E. Grand River
(next to Confection Connection)
M-F 8am-7pm Sat 9am-2pm
uR-1 photo/BETH CARTER
:-:<<-:::::;:::::.:-···.
00@1~~~~ ·-:.;.;.·.· ... :::::::::;:::::::::: .:-:-:-:-: :<<<< :::::::::::;::::::
•••••••· l§~t9ftli!Y••·········
~.;~~~~111~;~m
Also features lncen5e and
body ollls.
e
e
Burn, baby, burn!
East Lansing's ·post-game disco
inferno no dancing matter
The rancid smell of burning trash
dumpsters hovering in the air around
Cedar Village early Sunday served as
a reminder of just much ground the
students at this university have
covered since the last Cedar Fest.
Apparently, it's not very much.
After a week of boasting of being
top dog in the state - on the gridiron
and otherwise-MSU students and
their guests returned to the inglorious
days of busted heads and bloodied
faceswith a barrage of fights, burning
debris and destroyed property in the
Cedar Village area. ·
Amazingly, no one was arrested.
East Lansing, MSU and county
police officials were simply out manned
by the drunken throng of about 3,000,
East Lansing Police Capt. Richard
Murray said they have no idea how
many were injured - though he said
area hosoitals were kept very busy.
So who's to blame for this mess,
anyway?
Is it the city, for neglecting to
prepare adequately forthe potentially
explosive situation?
A crowd estimated at 500 gathered
in Cedar Village on Friday night
before the game. State police reinforcements
are being requested for
this weekend's homecoming game
against Illinois.
Or the students and their friends
who reverted to subhuman violence
and depravity?
We think it's the students involved,
who once again made it clear
for one and all to see that they have
no regard for life, property or a quality
education, for that matter.
And it does affect us far beyond
the fact that MSU now has one less
Honda Spree and a few less bicycles.
One student was overheard
encouraging the melee, saying, "It's
about time MSU forgot about competing
with Michigan on an academic and
athletic level and got down to what
we're really good at- partying."
Sorry, pal, we're not buying it. It's
inferior attitudes like your's that hurt
this university more than any elitism
on the part of our colleagues in Ann
Arbor.
Besides, if that's your idea of
. . ::::::::::::::~ ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. :.:::<:-:::;:.::-:.·-
. . . . :-:-:.:::::::::
..... ..
.. .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.· .
... ::-:·.-.-:::·: ..... ·.·.·.·.· ::::::::::: ·-·-:····
.....
partying, we invite you to ram your
head against a stone butress for a
month or two.
Condescending or not, it's about
time for the ignorant masses behind
the near-riot Saturday night and
Sunday morning to shape up or ship
out. This type of behavior is not fitting
of an immature high school student,
much less a person pursuing a higher
education at what is supposedly one
of the nation's premier universities.
C'mon, expand your horizons.
Read a book. Do something with
yourselves. Quit walking through
college like so many creatures from
the Night of the living Dead. God
gave you that large mass of nerve
matterunderneathyourhairsprayed
head for a reason. Use it.
But before we get down on all of
you Spuds McKenzie fans, we feel it's
only fair to mention that MSU is not
the only university with a collection of
nearderthal-ish coeds:
A celebration following U-M's
NCAA basketball championship over
Seton Hall last spring also turned
violent as storefronts were smashed
and looted, cars overturned and
people injured.
And this past weekend, campus
violence after Western Michigan's
homecoming game forced police to
use tear gas to disperse a crowd
estimated at 4,000.
But asinine behavior at other state
universities is no excuse for this most
recent childish outburst at MSU.
Naturally, students will complain
when East Lansing city officials initiate
another crackdown on student festivities.
And naturally, students will argue
that city officials are vehemently antistudent
with their noise ordinances
and open-alcohol policies, while
providing justification forthese overbearing
laws.
And maybe, just maybe, those
MSU students who have opted to stop
maturing in the 12th grade will stop
acting like they need chaperones.
And maybe hell will freeze over,
too.
. . . . . .. .. .. .. :-:.:::::::::::::::::: .............. .
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CEl7AR
uR-1 editorial cartoon/Steve Jablonski
Bored of Trustees!
These -codgers skirt
more issues than Charo
MSU's Board of Trustees has a
long-standing tradition of treading
water and spouting rhetoric on issues
sensitive to students.
Last Friday's meeting was no
different.
But now we'll tell you something
you didn't know.
What you may not have known is
that in the face of tuition increases,
racial tensions, a community ravaged
by violent parties, a stabbing and
assorted other pleasantries, the Board
managed to skate by like it was
business as usual.
No matter what conflict arises at
these meetings, all conversation
eventually erodes to mumbo jumbo
double-speak about budgets and the
land-grant tradition. -
And some meandering about the
football team, too.
That \eaves audience members
only five minutes each to address the
board - hardly enough time to ade- ,
quately explore a subject, especially
considering their complexity .
Not to mention the tact that the
Board only meets once a term.
The board owes it to MSU students,
alumni, faculty and employees
to expand Its accessibility. This means
giving people more than a piddling five
minutes to discuss pertinent topics.
Why the rush anyway, guys? We
knowyou'rebusy, but most meetings
are finished by 3 p.m. Is it so difficult
to add even an hour or two?
Oh, we forgot. That would mean
pushing back your dinner reservations
at the Kellogg Center.
• • •
The meeting included an impassioned
presentation by perennial East
Lansing City Council candidate Bobby
Mitchell, who railed the Trustees for
their lack of concern for giving black
and other minority students a fair
shake.
Mitchell's comments may have
been shocking to some. That may be
just what the Trustees need. Or
maybe a weU-placed cattle rod will do
the trick.
. · ·.·.~:-:-:-:-:-:- .·.·::::::::::::::::::::::::::-:-:-:-:-:.:.:_: ::::::::::::::::::: :;:::::::::::::::::::::: -:-;-:-:·:-::. . ... :::-: ..... ::::::::::::::::::·-·.·.· . . . . . :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-:::::::·-:-:-:-:::::::::::::::.:.:-:-: ....... ·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.-.·.-. -:-:-:-:::::::::::: ...... ·.·.·.·.·.·.-.·.·.·.·.·. ·-:-:-·-:- ... ·.-··.·'.-.·.-.-'.·.-'.·'.·.-.·. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... ·.· ·.· .. ·.-.·
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... · .· •• .•.· ••••••••••••••••••·•·~~j~;;;.;w1~dik¥~#~~-t~w,1i~~@efti~~~~~1~1r~~••1~•••·•••••••••••••••••••••••••••·•••••••••••••••·•••••••••·••••••• ::: : : : : : ::-: . : -: -: . : . : -: -: . :- : . . . : . : . :. : : : . : -:- '..:.:. :-:.: .: .: .: .: .. .. . . . . . . . . . ::: : :: ::: : : :: :: :::: ::: : :: ::: : : :: -: :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : : :: ::: : -: .: -:. : -:. : - : .: -:. :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ~ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. .. . : :. ............. :-.: . ...... :. : -:. .. :. : - : .: . : -:-:. : - : .: : : . . . . . . . . . .
18 October, 1989 Reporter-Intelligencer • 5
RAs aren't
cops, dammit!
Michigan State's current alcohol ·
policy is an ugly thing, It's right up
there on my list of the ugliest things in
the world, probably somewhere
between Willard Scott and Tipper
Gore.
It's ugliness does not stem from
the terms of the policy (though they're
pretty bad), but from the fact that this
"great plan" puts the major job of
enforcement in the hands of the
Resident Assistant. The RA should
not be the enforcer of the most
ridiculed and protested ordinance at
MSU since Roe v. Wade.
First, the RA is supposed to be
a shoulder-to-cry-on type of person
in the dorm. He/she is the person
with whom you are supposed to feel
free to discuss your problems. I
don't think I would trust someone
that even the Brady family would
call "a snitch" - and I don't drink.
Plus, what kind of prEH:leterminations
would an RA have about a
student he's "busted" who approaches
him with a problem? That
does not sound like a healthy,
friendly relationship to me.
In the same vein, who wants to
have everyone hate him? That's the
position our poor RA has been
thrust into. He/she must be the
policeperson of the floor, the bad
guy that turns people in. Our poor
RA finds himself between a rock
and a hard place. Does he alienate
all his floormates, or does he bend
the terms of his job and be a big
hero-thus circumventing the
entire policy? I don't know about
anyone else, all I know is that my
RA has chosen the latter. Nuf said.
So it seems that the new
alcohol policy will continue to ruin
the university's hopes to create an
Orwellian MSU as long as the Resident
Assistant is that policy's chief
enforcer. So, either MSU lets the
boozing go on, or they find a new
police force.
- (The author is an MSU
dorm resident who wished to
remain anonymous.)
Normally, theuR-1 does not
accept anonymous letters!
Other fellahs are sterile
Dear uR-1:
You guys sure ca.me at the right
time. I'm sick of TSN's sterile approach
to important subjects. Many of
your articles (Oct. 4) including,
"Abortion,""Jonnie," "Filling Cups" and
"DBM" are light-hearted while making
serious points.
M.l., (what does that stand for,
anyways?). I like your attitude a lot.
With your help, uR-1 is destined for
greatness. Good luck!
-Bucky
Reader
viewpoint:
by JAMES YAGELY
Everyone seems to agree that
America's number one problem is
drugs, particularly crack cocaine. The
old cliche was that everybody talked
about this problem but nobody did
anything about it. Now, people are
coming out with many possible
solutions to this raging epidemic. Not
all of these solutions are correct. An
ever-wid~ning circle of intelleotuals
and 'insiders" are suggesting that
drugs be legalized. Some of the major
names associated with this movement
are economist Milton Friedman and
Chicago columnist Mike Royko.
They argue that legalizing crack
would greatly r0duee illicit drug profits,
forcing both the street dealer and the
Columbian drug lords out of business.
Perhaps these drugs would be
distributed freely by our government,
further reducing drug-related crimes
caused by addicts in need of drug
money. I stronglydisagreewiththis
"solution." At best, this concept is
wrong. At worst, it is very dangerous.
Here is what would happen if
drugs were legalized in the U.S. First
of all, the number of drug users would
greatly increase. The act of making
cocaine legal would be viewed as if
the U.S. actually .condoned this
behavior. If it is legal, why not try it? It
is illegal for minors to drink alcohol or
smoke, yet they do, and in large
numbers. I believe that many of our
youth would likewise use cocaine. But
crack is not like tobacco, or even
alcohol. It is theoretically the perfect
free-market commodity. There is
another old diche that states, "supply
creates demand." This is definitely
true of crack. After only a few uses,
the user becomes addicted. It has
evenbeenreportedthatsomeone
could become addicted to crack with
just one rock. If a large segment of our
society tries legalized crack, a great
portion can be expected to become
addicted.
Do not think that the Columbian
drug lords would lose power. Who do
you think grows cocaine? With the
increased amount of drug users that
legalization would create, the power of
the drug bosses would also increase.
They could become the worid's
greatest monoply, even surpassing
OPEC at its height. Prices would rise.
If the government did hand out drugs,
our tax burden would increase in order
to give our country's children this
poison.
Street dealers also have liitle to
fear. If cocaine was sold over-thecounter,
they could undercut drug
prices and also sell larger amounts. If
the government supplied crack, the
street dealers would probably be hired
to distribute these drugs. They have
the experience, don't they? And there
will always be a black market getting
its supplies from U.S. government
stockpiles.
The foundation of the druglegalization
movement is the concept
that drug sales tax money would go to
prevention and treatment. Alcohol
prevention does not work now. Millions
of high school students drink. There is
absolutely no evidence to suggest that
drug prevention programs would work.
Drug treatment programs don't work
currently due to the lack of money to
support treatment. The cost of treatment
would increase alongside the
increase of addicts. As new forms of
drugs become dominant, different
types of treatments are needed. We
have no guarantee that money will
always be available for these treatments.
Other social questions would also
arise. Could athletes still be suspended
for drug use? Would drug
testing be allowed anymore? Would
crack eventually be sold at bars and
party stores? Would consumption of
alcohol increase? What about other
drugs, like marijuana? Clearly, legalization
is not the solution.
The crack crisis is not like Prohibition.
It cannot be solved as easily. For
Friedman and others to suggest that it
is only shows how little they understand
the situation. How can the drug
crisis be stopped? It will take a series
of major economic, political, and social
changes to bring this about. Work
must be done not only in our country,
but in South America too. We must
subsidize a Columbian switch from
cocaine to other export crops. We
must also alleviate the economic
situation of the vast American underclass,
giving people something to hope
for so that they will have long-term
economic gain from the lack of drugrelated
crime. If we can stimulate our
economy, we will benefit more.
I don't know if the country is ready
for this step, but legalizing drugs is
nonsense.
r--------------------------------------------~------, HXJ [EW ~~ 1]5'~ o · : I L!:::!J ~ o I
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Please let us know, send this card to our offices at 142 Gunson St. with any criticisms, comments or suggestions or other I
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6 • Reporter-Intelligencer , 18 October, 1989
Cedar Village again earns scurrilous reputation
I must confess, I've never liked
Cedar Village.
And - in defense of the six or so
people in Cedar Village who don't
have puke breath, wear muscle
shirts or drink Busch beer - not
everyone that lives there can be all
bad.
But just four days ago, Cedar
Village pulled on its cloak of
ignorance and exploded into a
frenzy of putrid violence and
looting that, as I understand it,
would have made Beirut look like
downtown Grosse Pointe on a
Sunday night. (And while Grosse
Pointe hosts some of the harshest
street fighting - during sales at
Jacobson's - no one can
remember the last time someone
had their Mercedes overturned
and torched).
Yes, it was Cedar Village once
again pocked with festering, open
·wounds delivered courtesy of
some blockhead with nothing
better to do.
It seems every year brings a new
breed of cement-head to Cedar
Village.
Guys that have "1-can-take-moreblows-
to-the-head-thanyou"
contests.
Guys that enjoy doing shots of
Dran-0 and bragging about how
much blood and intestinal lining
they blew onto their roommate's
mattress.
Guys who enjoy livin~ in a
cinderblock hell of their own
creation; kind of a "No Exit" for the Age?
existential idiot. Is there anyone in Cedar Village
These folk breed amonQst with even the beginnings of a clue
themselves, sending their progeny to what civilization is all about?
out to destroy property generation I bring this up with fear of
after generation. sounding high and mighty, but
One imagines such a limited and then again, even the most ignorant
defective gene pool would breed ass knows which shoe goes on
itself into null and void. which foot.
But apparently it hasn't; while Except for the folks in Cedar
Cedar Village burned, common Village.
sense fiddled. You know, the guys who walk funny.
Perhaps I am being too harsh,
afterall, there were three guys who
picked up a hose and bef;Jan to
douse the flames of stupidty.
Three guys who were summarily
picked up, dragged off, and
beaten into a pulp.
Of course it wasn't all MSU
students wreaking the havoc, yet
while we outnumbered the out-oftowners
we didn't stop them.
Maybe it was the Cedar-Village
effect.
Still, I have to ask myself:
Is there anyone in Cedar Village
who doesn't like Big Time
Wrestling?
Is there anyone in Cedar Village
who doesn't have some kind of
latent desire to return to the Stone
Miisconception? Age is a relative thing - just ask mom
David
Stearns
How old are you, mom?
It's an innocent question she
always hated to be asked, but I just
kept on asking away, year after year
until finally I got the message.
After a while, it's no fun to get old.
Well, it is, but we just don't like to
recognize it as much.
NOw, it seems we all may have to
ask that familiar, hated question
again. Only this time with more
introspection.
Howoldaml?
For the last 21 years (almost 22) I
have known that my birthday is
tomorrow. Or is it?
That all depends on when you·
define life as having started.
The big quf.JStion in the battle for
abortion rights has for years been one
concerning the definition of life.
When does it begin?
Right-to-Life advocates, as they
hypocritically like to call themselves,
insist that life begins at the moment of
conception.
Pro-choice supporters, who
usually avoid the beginning of life
argument in lieu of a personal rights
stance, usually maintain that life
begins around the start of the third
trimester.
Now in a state where the Right-toLif
e position dominates, residents are
going to court in a convoluted twist of
legal loopholes and social commentary.
It seems that a young man was
arrested for consuming alcohol when
he was below the legal age limit of 21.
He was only several months away
~
from that glorious coming of age.
Less than nine months away.
Now he has gone to court arguing,
in effect, that he is older than 21,
since he officially was "alive" at the
point of conception.
That would make him older than
21, and beyond the reach of the law.
Actually, he wouldn't have broken any
law.
The result of this case could open
a whole new can of worms. I mean,
it'll take someone like Dick Clark
months to figure out just how old he
really is.
And there are more serious
repercussions as well.
Our court system could be deluged
with senior citizens clamoring for
Social Security benefits.
The entire "percentage off your
dinner" system at Bill Knapp's restaurants
will be thrown into a frenzy.
What about the draft?
And it would simply be a bonafide
bonanza for the Hallmark card company.
Now people can have two birthdays:
one for the beginning of life
itself •. and another for after they had
their behind spanked and umbilical
Geek of the Week
cord cut.
You could call one a. "lifeday" and
the other could still be called your
birthday. It could add up to millions for
the card companies. And oodles of
paperwork for bureaucrats in the
Secretary of State's office.
Not to mention one big Excedrin
headache for my mom.
···:-~:-:1-:-1:.:1·:·•:-:•-:-·:.:-:<··:·:-·:-:..:-.·..·..·...· ·••11•-•:-:·-:.:-~:-:·-:-:.:·-:-:-····.
•·•••.•·••·.•W~~~~•AO.rtf>t~~g'.Aijl? .•.•.••.••
·. ··•::•MOANING.•>• ... WRITE•US! SEE:•••·•··
··•·iH~•R.E.~9~ij~E~se·cARD·•·
•:•:•·•••·•:::•:•·•••·•••••••·•:ON.P.S~•••::·•·••· > • •·:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: .·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.
:-:-:.:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-·-·.·.·. >.::::::::::::::::::::::: ... ... ··· ................ ··· ... u·ur
Sorry greedheads, but your wanderlust for cash and power not only landed your
stocks about 190 points lower last week, but landed you Geek of the Week honors.
We take this opportunity to salute your groveling on the floor of the stock exchange.
While others starve around the world, you drool over pork bellies and
sugar beets.
Well, choke on this Richie Rich - tomorrow you'll probably crawl over our bones
back to the top - but today you're just a geek.
And you can take that to the bank.
18 October, 1989 Reporter- lntellligencer. 7
Lash
Larrowe
Fetuses is
folks, too
I'm in the hardware department
out to the mall, checkln' out padlocks
and chains, heftln' 'em for weight,
seein' how long they have to be to
circle my waist with a couple feet to
spare, this James Madison student
drifts up.
"This is really gross, Lash," he
leers. "An old bird like you getting into
kinky sex at your age. You planning to
lure some unsuspecting coed over to
your house on the pretext you're going
to tutor her in econ, then you chain
her up and have your way with her?"
"This here's what I'm gonna need
next time Operation Rescue calls me
to shut down an abortion clinic," I tells
him, deciding I'll ignore the Insulting
tone of his remark. "I volunteered to
get inside, chain myself to a desk or
whatever, OK? They told me I'll have
to provide my own equipment."
"How can you justify invading the
premises of a clinic, preventing them
from serving their clients?" he asks.
. "Won't you be breaking the law?"
"I got a constitutional right to
express my opinions, same as anyone
else, buster!" I tells him forcefully.
"We studied some cases in my
econ law class where the states had
prohibited workers from picketing
during strikes," he says calmly. "The
U.S. Supreme Court said picketing is
a First Amendment right, so long as
it's peaceful. The Court also said you
can't claim constitutional protaction if
you forcibly prevent people from
entering the place you're picketing.
"That's the law of the land, Lash,"
he adds. "Isn't It obvious those rulings
apply to what you and your Operation
Rescue pals are doing? Or are you
such a fanatic you don't care what the
Constitution and the law say?"
"Sometimes our actions have to
be guided by a higher law," I says
. unctuously. "You gotta remember,
sonny, fetuses is folks, too. That's why
the decision as to whether or not a
woman should have the baby is too
important for her to make by herself.·
"What about the woman's constitutional
right to privacy?" I objects.
"I've read the Constitution backwards
and forwards, and I can't find them .
words, 'right to privacy' in there
nowheres.·
"You know even less about how
the Constitution works than I thought,
Lash," he sneers. "Of course. it isn't in
there in those words. You won't find a
criminal suspect's Miranda rights in
there In those words, either.
"The Supreme Court interpreted
the Sixth Amendment guarantee of a
fair trial to mean that a suspect in a
criminal case is entitl0d to have an
attorney present to protect him against
making self-incriminating statements
to the police when they pick him up for
questioning. That's where the 'You
have a right to an attorney' comes
from.
"It's the same with privacy," he
concludes. "The Fourth Amendment
says: 'The right of the people to be
secure in their persons, houses,
papers, and effects, against unreasonable
searches and seizures, shall not
be violated .. .'
•The U.S. Supreme Court has
Interpreted that to mean all of us
citizens have the right to be left alone
· by the government, OK? That's what
they said in the 1973 case of Roe v.
Wade: a woman's right of choice is
based on her constitutional right to
privacy:
•You're forgetting that a couple
months ago, the Court you're so fond
of quoting changed their minds when
they upheld the Missouri law," I says
:triumphantly. "They said states can
make whatever laws they want
. concerning abortion!"
"Our legislature here in Michigan
1
is working on a new law right now,
based on thatruling," I goes on. "If
them lawmakers want to, they can
make it a crime for a doctor to
perform an abortion. They can even
prohibit a minor who's been made
pregnant by incest from getting an
abortion without parental consent!"
'When that law comes out of the
legislature, it'll put these clinics of
yours outa business, yessirt·
"And when that happens," he says
grimly, "women who have money will
still be able to exercise their right by
jetting off to Europe. So it's only poor
women who'll be denied freedom to
choose for themselves whether or not
they'll have an abortion!"
"What I don't get," he goes on, "is
why, if life is as precious to you rightto
lifers as you say, you oppose prenatal
nutrition programs, day-care
centers for working mothers, subsidies
for school lunches?"
"That's because we know something
you liberals can't seem to
understand," I tells him. "You don't
solve the problems of poverty by
throwing money at 'em, that's why."
"Anotherthing I don't understand,"
he says. "is, you folks claim abortion is
a moral issue, right? So how come
you favor capital punishment?"
"That's easy; I chuckles. "If It
weren't for capital punishment,
Christianity wouldn't exist, would It?"
Listen to me: Area architecture stinks!
..
And why blue and yellow? I mean,
if you're going to put an ugly hunk of
metal in the middle of town, why
choose the colors of our hated archrivals.
Speaking of taste, particularly lack
thereof. I turn our attention to the
perpetrators of architectural
blasphemy ... that's right, you guessed
it. The proliferation of Identical
sorority houaea that seem to be
popping up around town. Would_
someone please tell the fine members
of AZD that they chose the exad
-~~;w;w;w;w;;i~:i:i:w:iw:w:i;;i;W;ilw:w:1;i;W;i;i;i;i:i;i~ same design as another house In their
HeNo again, slovenly creatu1N
of the underworld. I wuz tmthralled
tiffing MSUstut»ntsbehavlng like
thousands of rotten llttltl provocatoum
this past wfflcend. 'CourH,
I /tit my INJn do th4I talking, whiltl
youolly-Bk.lmHHiwHlfU!l/s waste
your llvn away burning Curt/ti
Mathn remnants. And away we
go .••
Nice habitrail, East Lansing. Who
. designed that new parking strudure,
that techno-pop punk ripoff also
known as O.vo?
City of the Arts my ass._
own backyard? I know, they probably
did it on purpose. It's good for that
conformity thing.
But for god's sake, the poor things
aren't going to know where to take
Skip or Biff home after they leave
P.T.'s.
I mean, what If the AZD girls are
so drunk they go to the Gamma Phi
house, and the Gamma Phi girls are
so drunk they go the AZD house? If
there's one thing the Provoc hates, It's
commingling of the species. I'm no
genetics nut, but does this mean we'll
start seeing greek shirts and baseball
hats reading Alpha Gamma Phi Zeta
Delta Beta? I'm confused enough as it
is.
Oh well, so much for individuality!
In the face of the increasing
problem of under-age drinking in East
Lansing, several local drinking establishments
(The B'Zar and America's
CUp, to name two) have taken to
placing colored hospital wristbands on
legal-aged drinkers.
What a pain in the ass. As if
being hand-painted, stamped and
otherwise inked wasn't enough to give
your epidermis toxic troubles, now
they're going to cut off your circulation,
too. ·
Actually, it's a good idea. Our
phone calls to local hospitals and
emergency clinics indicated they'll
save oodles of dough in wristbands on
the weekends. Most of their clients are
drunken, bloodied college students
during that time anyway, so the
wristbands can be used for more than
. one purpose.
The scene: Fourth and one on the
one.
The players: Blake Ezor and the
Michigan defensive line.
The call: Whaddya' think, brudder?
Up the middle for no gain, and
consequently, no game.
The goat: Alt of us who spent
money for tickets for yet another big
loss.
The song: (To the tune of Peter
Gabriel's "Biko"). Oh, Tico, Tico, Tico,
Ti co.
Where was Tico?
Oh, god, where was Tico?
The provoacateur would like to
apologize for this week's emaciated
entertainment section. Kurt Loder was
on vacation.
The uR-1 staff was roasting
marshmallows in Cedar Village.
TO UNCLE ART: You're one cool
dJde. Charlie-Boy.
IF YOU WANr TO BE FREE: beieve in
me. BOATISM.
79 LINCOLN Town Ca. Collector's
Series. A/C; AM/FM quoaaphonic
90Und; PS/PB; power seats; power
doors; pO'#lel' 'Nindows; power 1rurk
release; POWER EVERVTHING. Good
set of Micheln whitewall tires. fu'bine
rims. Four door. Navy blue cream
puff with some rust. Accepting best
offer. Call 351-4899 and ask for Mike.
'86 Elxosportwagon. Excellent
condtion; A/C; AM/FM quad 90U"'ld;
PS/PB; new General XP 2CXXl higi
preformance ti'es; slver with maroon
interior (excellent condttion). $4500
or best offer. Cal 351-4899 or 313-
331-7915 and ask for Mike or Karen.
55 gallon aquarium with fwo jets. fwo
ligit spots and rocks. Two African
cichilids. Price negotiable. Call Tom
at 332-8641.
1984 TOYOTA CELICA SUPRA Every
available option. Rlrls great. excellent
condtion. Two-tone brown.
$7.800. 351-6454. A!JI.. for J.B.
COME ON ... LET'S
GO SEE Wf.IAT'S
MAKING T!-iAT
NOISE.!
FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, the uR-1 wil be offering dassifiecls free of charge! What a total
blwgain, folks. We will accept dauified& in many categories, including: personals, waneeds, lost and
fou'lds, services (sought a offered), roommates or housing. Ads must be delivered t> the uR-1 offices at
142 Gunson, no later than 5 p.m. Wed'lesday to appear in the follONing week's edition. Ads should be
legibly printed on lined-paper, preferably a 3-by-5 index card. Ads should be reasonable in length and the
uR-1 reserves the right to make any necessay ec:itaialchanges. This ohr is fa a limited time only, so
act CJ.Jickly.
'H--,.,t
Z,l,rJ,.
f)o..tN.. "1
(rtJO.,.
The uR-1 is your place to make caitact with the service& a cients you need to get a hold of.
- v~-1 rlaff
~ @® [D) a© lk < [Q) Mw CID [ri) CID cQl a[r i)
Ulh1 @u @u lh 1@ [f [p) CID [p)@[f D D D
~ @® [D) a© lk < ®UM ©lk < WY! aul h1 mm CID u
~arr ~M [p)[?)~W Ua ©lk<®Ua DO
DON'T BE A DICK
DOWNHILL SKIS. Atomic, men's size-11
boots, Keze bindngs. poles. $125
compete. Used once. Cal Art at: 487-
3104.
$~~v~a$:
sought or offered
POETS, WRITERS. ESSAYISTS:
NC"N' accepting submissions for premiere
issue d a new quarterly magazine.
Poetry, fiction essay, and other
good earthy scents. Send SASE' for
guidelnes to: WAY SlATION. Po Box
6250. East Lansing. Ml. 48826.
Deadine for premiere winter 89-90
issue is Dec. l. but Spring. Sumner and
HOLD IT,
SAM ... UH ...
MAYBE THAT'S
NOT A VERY
GOOP IDEA ...
Wl-IAT? ARE YOU
SCARED OR SOMETHING?
YOV'lfE
THE ONE THAT'S
ALWAVS TELLING
CREEPY STORIE.5
---AND STUFF!
Fall issues of 1990 await you. too.
BENNY'S PIZZA is taking applications for
manager. Stop in for details.
CLASSIC FILMS LOOKING for members.
Anyone interested in a classic and
foreign cinema experience coll 355-
0241.
TIMBUK 3 and The Wayouts live at the
MSU Union Ballroom Oct. 31. 8 p.m. Buy
Y01J tickets YESTERDAY!
THE B-52's ARE COMING! Live at the
MSU Audtorium Nov. 27 at 8 p.m.
Tickets on sale Oct. 20 at Tickefmaster
(Wherehouse Records) and Wharton
Center Box office.
I KNOW, BUT
T!-iOSE ARE JUST
STORIES ... TMIS ...
TMIS 1.5 TME
REAL Tl-llNG!
O.K. FRAIDV
CAT.,.I'LLGO
LOOK BY
MYSELF ...
SPARTAN TRAVEL can takeyou
where you want to go. Call us at
351-1000. See our add el99Where In
theuR-1.
I HAVE A GUITAR that I cah't play.
Please teach/work with me to
create 90l"lgs. Tastes range from fol<
to new wave. Cal Peter at 351-4885.
PROBLEM PREGNANCY? Prcx:hoice
office across from campus. No
movies. no coercion. Across from the
Union. WOMANCARE. 332-1066.
GRAB A STALLION BURGER with fries
for only $2.99 every Suiday at the
Landshark. For a schedule of this
week's entertainment. see our ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
GARY'S CAMPUS HAIR SALON Is a cut
obove, yet priced below. Located
at 549 E. Grand River. See OU' ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
MSU S.AD.D. CHAPTER. Room 14A
Student Services. For information call:
353-00S 1 or 353-5500.
DAVID ZUMBERG is an experienced
hairstylist ready to offer you personal
attention. Callfor David at 337- 1114.
See his ad elsewhere in the urH
TOP DOG IS THE Pt.ACE for free
nachos on orders over $6 accompanied
by our coupon located elsewhere
in the uR-1.
MEET THE WOMAN d your
cteams ... sleep
CHECKOUTTHEOUN HEALTH CENTER.
conveniently located on
canpus by Berkey Hall.
GOOD TIMES PIZZA is just that! See
our ad elsewhere In the uR-1.
FARUK ART GALLERY is just too cool
for words. Find out for yourself! See
our ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
MARIA'S SPECIALIZES IN PERSONAL
.BEAUTY attention. See our ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
TOO HOT RECORDS - fresh out the
box! See our ad elsewhere in the uR-
1.
BENNY"S PIZZA is the place for great
food at a great price. See our ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
CA5TELLANl'S MARKET Is dose ot
campus and ready to help you relax.
See our ad elsewhere in the ulH
BUDGET PRINTING serves students on
a budget. See our ad elsewhere In
theuR·I.
CURIOUS about CURIOUS COMICS?
Don't be. George. Check out our ad
elsewhere in the uR--1.
CROSSROADS CAFETERIA is centrally
located on the MSU campus and
ready to hit the center of YOU'
pallete. See our ad elsewhere in the
uR-1.
Each week the uR-1 features a
section called "Out and About" (look
at the top of the page if you doubt us,
mush-face).
In this section you, the valued
reader, will find a listing of local and
other happenings ranging from bands
playing in nightclubs to plays on and
off campus to art exhibits.
We will also strive to include
concert updates for venues in the
East Lansing, Detroit and Ann Arbor
areas.
But, as we are relatively unhip in
some areas, please give us the
skinny on any other hoppin' places,
up-coming events, etc .... We want to
include them in this fresh section,
dig?
So if you know of agroovin' joint,
spread the wealth and let us know,
holmes. Contact our Gunson Street
offices (on a 3x5 card or neatly
written on lined paper) by Thursday
of the week prior to publication.
House parties are fair game, too.
We talked about ours here in the first
issue and got 200 people! Last
week's 208 Bailey/Laughing Hyenas
·bash packed em in, too. But, hey,
don't tell us if you gots brew and how
much it will cost, 'cause we'll print it
and the uninvited John Law will show
up.
Got it? Good. Let us have at it...
Coonxtions Comedy Club'
Oct. Oct. 18-21 : John Pinney
Oct. 24-28: John Rathbone.
Oct. 31-Nov. 4: Leo DuFour.
Earuk Art Galleiy
Oct. 19:Video Night. Locally
produced videos. 8-1 O p.m.
Oct. 21: Cardinal Ground. Synth
and guitar. 9 p.m. $2.
Oct. 28: The Deans. 9 p.m. $2
poetry readings the 2nd and 4th
Thursday of every month. 8-1 O p.m.
The Landshark
Oct. 20: The Wayouts. $2.
Oct. 24: MikeHidley
MSU Auditorium
Nov. 27: The B-52's. 8 p.m.
MSU Union Ballroom
Oct. 31: Timbuk 3 and The
Wayouts. 8 p.m. $1 o.
Wharton Center
Festival Stage
Oct. 20 and 21 : Richard Ill. $7.
ll'iTil®!tll'@ IQ)~lf!Rl@Olf siir@si~
oetrojt Institute of Arts
October: Ansel Adams exhibit
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1 m. lleil)e>rter-lntelligencer . 18 ~ct0ber, 1989
Rolling Stones improve with age
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by DAN FRIEDMAN
uR-1 Reviewer
It would be weak to use a tired old
cliche such as "You're not getting older
you're getting better; to describe the
new album by the Rolling Stones,
Steel Wheels.
But if the shoe fits ...
By now, nearly everyone is familiar
with the return of the Rolling Stones to
the ooncert stage this year. Their
mammoth tour supports the Steel
Wheels album. This release is pure
Rolling Stones. It contains all of the
elements that have made the Stones
Two Weeks Late played to a packed
house at 139 Kedzie Friday night,
kicking off the football weekend.
uR-1 photo/BETH CARTER
Every Monday ... "Sharks Wave"
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the legends they are considered to ance on two tracks, •can't Be Seen·
be. and "Slipping Away- are only fair at
The album, polished up by 80's best.
technology, oontalns the same raw Both r.tck Jagger and drummer
feeling of 70's rock and roll. Many of Charlie Watts deliver expert performthe
songs are lively and easy to ances. The addition of keyboards,
. dance to. However, this is by no brass and other instruments oomplete
means a da.'lce album. It is solid the album.
rock that reflects the talent of the Steel Wheels is a great addition to
musicians who made it. any music collection. It is unccluttered
It is refreshing to hear oomplex by the barrage of electronic crap that
bass lines (played by Bill Wyman encompasses too much of modem
and Ron Wood) that are often lost in music.
so much of today's music. Both It is honest, fun and pure rock and
Wood and Keith Richards offer fine roll, which is a true exam pie of all that
guitar performances. the Rolling Stones stand for.
Richards' lead vocal perform18
October, 1989 ', , Reporter - lntelligenc~r • 11
Wharton Center events worthwhile
by JESSE PICKERILL
uR-1 Arts Correspondent
These last few weeks I have spent
some time at the Wharton center. You
know, that building by the new IM
East? It was time well spent. ,
TheJuillard String Quartet made
its first appearance at MSU after
thirteen years absence. Back when
they were known as the Spartan Spirit
playing "Shadows" at different MSU
gatherings.
- But this time the Spartans hit
parade stuck to Beethoven Quartets,
thEtJlrst, fifteenth and the ninth, to be
exact. The boys from Julliard gave it
their all to a disappointing crowd of
barely 1100 people. Yet for those who
came, bravo to you all. And for those
who were at Mac's Bar that night,
phooey on you. You missed some
truly fine musicians playing their best.
But do not fear. The quartet will return
January 24 (that's 1990 In case you
forgot) to perform three more of
Beeth~ven'squartets .
I also had the honor of seeing the
Vienna Chamber Philharmonic, led by
conductor/founderClaudlus Traunfellner,
with Nigel Kennedy soloing on
•Four Seasons" by Vivaldi.
The Vienna Chamber was
founded in 1985 with young musicians
and a very green around the edges
show. Playing pieces from Bach,
Mozart, and Grieg they played with
energy, but the energy came out a
little jumbled. Yet "The City of the
Arts• never falls to amaze me. A
packed Wharton Center, unlike the
previous Julliard show, looked on.
Again, bravo to those who came, but
phooey on Vienna
I had orginally intended this article
to thrash on those closed-minded
individuals who cannot be moved by
the lofty sounds of chamber music
and the like. But I had a change of
face. I can't make anyone appreciate
such things. That comes from the
heart and as we all know some of us
just don't have it. The choice is yours.
Hope to see you at the symphony.
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Entertainment
Travolta graduates
from sweathog past
with latest effort
by EDWIN CHAVEY
uR-1 Cinema Correspondent
What do you get when you put
dancing Sweathog John Travolta
together with pseudo-tough-guywisecracker
Bruce Willis?
"Sort of a disco/Rambo type of
arrangement?'
Nope.
"Bratwurst?"
Nothingdoing, moviegoers.
·The result of this coupling is true
comic ingenuity. Add Kirstie Alley
from Cheers and a funny little dude of
three months and you wind up with
"Look Who's Talking; a gut-busting
comedy from director Amy Heckerling.
Look who's talking and you'll find
Willis as the voice of Mikey, a weesmall
boy who needs a dad. He's got
a mom (Alley), but unfortunately mom
s\ept with her married, womanchasing
boss and now she's screwed.
So, who steps in but babysitter
Travolta Mikey has found his dad but
mom is still looking. Thus, the thick of
the plot: Mikey must get the two
together. What do you think happens?
Say goodbye to Vinne Barbarino.
Travoltadominates this film from the
moment he first appears. In the interin
between "Perfect" and this movie, he
has tu med from a goof into a refined
comic actor. He delivers every line
with a believable grace accentuated
with hilariously appropriate gestures.
And he doesn't dance.
On the other hand, Alley doesn't
fare nearly as well In her transition
from television to film. While her
character has some funy moments, it
lacks dimension overall. That is not to
say that her character doesn't work.
Everything in this movie works. She
just could have worked harder.
Since this movie is based on the
"kids do the darndest things-' principle,
the importance of Mikey is foremost.
This success of the little guy's performance
can be credited not only to
the kids that played Mikey but also to
director Heckerling.
With the help of a baby wrangler,
she was able to catch kids doing the
perfect darndest things for the movie.
Throw in Willis' voice as Mikey's
thoughts and Mikey becomes one of
this year's most fascinating movie
characters.
While alook Who's Talking" is a
very good movie, it will most assuredly
be out of the running for any Oscar
nominations with one possible exception.
The special effects guys at TriStar
Pictures have put together a
visually astonishing segment of ta~king
sperm racing toward and penetrating
a fertile egg. These scenes are
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TRAVOL TA: Here chillng as seventies sex macn\ne '1\1\n"- Rarbat\no
unsettling, funny and beautiful all at
the same time.
Just like being there.
In the end, the talking baby
pram ise does not get tiresome as one
might imagine it would. Support
players such as Abe Vigoda, George
Segal and Olympia Dukakis keep the
film on track and funny when Travolta
and Mikey aren't around. This movie
never lags. It's funny, tender and
loveable. "look Who's Talking" is a
good time and that constitues a good
movie.
Now if we could just get Epstein,
Washington and Horseshack to get
their acts together.
set for E. L. landing
Take cover! The B-52's are
coming to the MSU Auditorium
Nov. 27th.
They are riding the crest of
theirnewa!bum, Cosmic Thing,
and they have been pumping
audiences all summer. If you
were one of the few to catch them
during the hotter months you know
that Fred Schneider can still
"Shake Society."
There is no question about it
The B-52's have not mellowed
with age, as evidenced by a fullhouse,
two-and-a-half hour show
at New York's famed Palladium.
They played most of their repertoire
including "Planet Claire" and
"Private Idaho."
So if you're hip, you'll be in
line on Friday for your tickets .
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