Title

University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 1, Number 9

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Creator: uR-I Publications
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
The Pixies
Vegas Fist
Reviews: Syd Straw
Viewer Mail
Dr. Andrew Barclay
Classifieds
Out and About
Date: November 22, 1989
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006343.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (13.56 MB)
Transcript: Gobble up this entertainment-packed uR-1, you turkeys!
22
November
1990
Volume I
Number 9~
MSU's alternative
and truly
independent
voice
WHAT'S UP:
He's gotta have .it!
u R-1 sex adviser Dr.
Andrew Barclay debuts...
p. 6
@ The Provoc unloads... p. 6
@ BowWOW, it's Dog Boy... p. 7
© Classifieds •.• p. 7
@ Out & about ... p.8
@ Good stuff ... p.xx
Death to the Pixies?
Phooey! Critic says brief show worth the hassle
by Angie Carozza
uR-1 M.Jsic cOrrespondent
We were going to see the Pixies,
and it didn't matter what we had to go
through to get there. ,
Not the half an hour It took just to
get the five Inches of snow off the
windows of my car last Thursday.
Not the 45 minutes It took to get
on the freeway.
Not the average speed of about
40 m.p.h. we crawled at on the trip to
St. Andrews Hall.
Not the two-hour trip that took us
four hours.
However, we finally arrived. But
because we were early..,..... not early
enough - we had to wait outside for
half an hour. When they let us in, we
were just glad to get out of the cold.
When my brain thawed, I went to
see who the opening band was. To
my surprise, It was the Zulus. I had
always thought that the greatest
show in the world would be the Pixies
and the Zulus. _
We walked around for a while to
see who else was at St. Andrews,
and to kill time before the show
started.· The Zulus went on around
10:45 p.m .. They played a great set,
which included such awesome tunes
as "I Can't Walt to T f;Jlf You the
News; "Can't Stop Having Fun; arid
their best song of the set., "Gotta
Have Faith.• ·
The Zulus did their job well. The
crowd was psyched. The time had
come to jostle for position at the front
of the stage. I pushed my way toward
the front. It was too tight to go all the
way up yet.
The crowd was getting restless
and I was standing there waiting fpr
an opportunity to get up there. I saw
the opening and I went for it. Suddenly,
I was part of the elite, being
thrown back and forth at the will of
the crowd.
The Pixies made their entrance
and as the crowd recognized each
member, they yelled their names.
Black •These Boots Were . Made for Walkin' • Francis and Kim Murphy
play last week at St. Andy's. uR-1 photo/CHRISTOPHER LOCKETTE
ThePixies started playing, but with
all the pushing, I couldn't tell you
what their first song was.
I pulled out after having sacrificed
one of the lenses from my
glasses to the crowd. I moved to the
other side of the stage, where the
view was most excellent.
Joe, the lead guitarist, stood In
an almost heroic stance and looked
at the crowd through the whole show.
It looked a8 If he were being cued by
various members of the aUdience.
Black Francis, the lead singer,
looked like he was sick of touring,
and he just wanted to get the show
over with.
Kim, the bass player, stood with
her hair hanging over tier face except
for when she was singing. She
looked like she was having a good
time. Every once in a while, she
would just start laughing, mostly at
Joe or Black Francis.
The show was going really well.
Joe was· ripping out these great solos
that are a distinction of the Pixies.
When they played "Vamos, • 1 just
stood there with my mouth gaping
open. Joe's fingers were lightning
bolts streaking up and down the neck
of his guitar.
Kim opened up "Gigantic" on
bass. The crowd went nuts. This was
one ot the best songs they played,
along with "Monkey Gone to
Heaven.·
By now, they had started having
problems with feedback from the
house P.A. Black Francis was getting
more and more fed up. The tension
was building and it hit its peak when
they started "Debaser.·
Black Francis walked up to the
mike to sing, when all of a sudden he
yelled out "Fuck this!· and threw his
guitar down and stormed off.the
stage. Kim tried to get him to come
back and finish the show, but to no
avail.
See PIXIES, p. 2
==~~=~=·~ . .· .·.· .··.·.·. .. ;.··.·.·.· .· .
. ·_.· ·}Nhaf o_.~rgqinl . ·.
Next we~·.·:Wfi will; ' '
:·... · ::~~!:Wt@~!~O}'l:. .::.:::::·:
. : : : : : : : : :-:-:-:-:-: :-.·.·.·.·-::::.;.:.:-:-·.:.;-:-. .·. ·.·.· ::~: )::::::::::::: \ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ <~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~::}::::::::::::::: .. .;. .:. :. : . .. >:::::
2_ • Re orter-lntelli encer 22 November, 1989
Joe rips one out for thti Pixies.
Mondays· SHARK WAVE
(7 piece brass)
Fri. -Sat.,Nov.24&25 ............... Spinaker
Wed. Nov. 28 .............. .. .... Mike Haring
"
Sun. -Mon.,Oec.1&2 ............ Deadbeats
live from Chicago, featuring ·
double baSs.
The Landshark
is at 101 E. Grand River
(comer of Atf>ot and Grand
River) East' Lansing
Home of the SHARKBOWU
From PIXIES, p. 1 ·
Slowly the angry crowd dispersed. I waited at the bottom of
. the steps that led up to the Pixies' dressing room In hopes of ·
getting up to talk to them. I asked if I could go up to the dressing
rooms, and was told: "OK, come on.•
;:[ -
uR-1 photo/CHRISTOPHER
LOCKETI'E
· The first thing I asked was What happened?" .
Black Francis left the room_ as If he didn't even want to talk
about it.
Finally, Kim gave me an answer.
'We were getting a Low -feedback · 'zzzzzt' sound for the last
five or six songs, then Charles (Black Francis) got shocked by
his microphone. That was when he walked off stage. We played
most of the show though, so it didn't end that ~rly. •
But the show seemed'incomplete, like it just stopped. I went
down to the Shelter and gathered people up and we left tor the
ride home.
On the way home, I had time to think about the show.
The songs they pl::r.yed were most excellent.
I got to meet the band.
It really was worth everything that hap ned. The Pixies are
thebest~ln~e:rld. parsat.o n
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. the University Reporter-Intelligencer
Page Three
The Second Front Pa e
Vegas Fist mak-es strong E.L.· debut
When planning the next party
with live music one should consider
hiring the 'hit'men of Vagas Fist to
tear down the house.
Fist, a hot new band in the area,
kicks out a large repetoire including
a diverse collection of songs by the
likes of the Rolling Stories, R.E.M., throughout the night In lead singer and
Warran Zavon, and a plethora of· , guitarist Rob Rawson's antics and
others. The band's handful of original witty interplay with the audience.
tunes are equally as em~.1aining. Last Saturday the SAE house was
Besides the music, their wit also treated to Vegas Fist's energetic
conneds well with the audience. show. The appreciative crowd danced
That characteristic materialized and sang along with Rawson (lead
.._-------------::===========~focals,guitar), Ryan Nagai (lead Eat Cheap \ uitar),JeffMason(drums>.and
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Dave Teare (bass, back-up vocals)
well into the night.
The band was formed In April of
this year originally with pianist Tadd
Wheaton. After several shows in the
Ann Arbor area, the band abandoned
their keyboard parts, and In a mutual
decision, Nagel replaced Wheaton.
Nagel and Rawson, both students
of Eastern Michigan University; and
Mason and Teare. §ludegts of MSU
SeeAST,p. 7
uR-1 photo/DAN FRIEDMAN
traw and Junkyard: Two of a kind
Syd Straw, Surprisa (VU'gin Recads "Hard Times•wr1tten by Stephen
~:~C:v!:~unkysrd. (Geffen • 1989> Foster (yes, the poet) In 1859
It's hard to believe that Junkyard
and Syd Straw have anything In
common.
It was also hard to believe Len
Bias died from a coke OD.
So anyways, what do these two
debut releases have in common?
Well to restate the obvious, they
b_oth are debuts in equally unique·
ways. Junkyard features ex-Dag
Nasty guitarist (also Meatmen guit.
and Minor Threat bassist) Brian
- Baker, and guest appearances from
Al Kooper (from Blood Sweat and
Tears) , and noted guitarist Earl
Slick. Syd , on the other hand finds
In her employ: guitarists Marshall
Crenshaw, Richard Thompson,
and Ry Cooder, along with John
Doe (of X fame) guesting on.vocals,
Anton Fig (from the Letterman
band, and a noted session drummer)
on drums, Don Was (of Was
Not Was) on bass, and R.E.M.'s
throatist Michael Stipe.
The similarities don't end there.
Both excel on slower songs, though
they have gained recognition for
songs that would make a better
Budweiser commercial than slow
dance ballad.
stands out as one of the better
songs In the Surprise package, with
Syd duet Ing avec Monsieur John
Doe, without a hint of the Golden
Palamino• (Syd's old pals, and
intermittent musical collaborators),
and just a little X-ishness, but not
enough to conjure up images of
Excene Cervenka or Billy Zoom.
The same is true of "Future 40's, •
with Michael Stipe's voice only recognizable
In its tone, not the use of
that tone, he actually does sing! And
pretty intelligible, too!
To be sure, both parties In question
are from the South. Texas
being home to the Junkyard dogs,
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and Georgia for Ms. Straw.
True enough, Junkyard and Syd
Straw probably couldn't play a
double bill together, but with the
college radio success of her single
"Think Too Hard•, and their (MTV
assisted) singles ·e1ooze• and
"Hollywood•, both should be able to
catch a much larger market in the .
future. The first two singles have
gained enough airplay on MTV to let
the band become a household word
among metalheads, posers, and
even (dare I say It?) bipsies-boppers,
who think they're cool because
of their long blond hairand nifty
jackets. These same kids just might
happen to like Syd because of her
coolerthan cool name, (" ... Yeah,
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man you gotta hear It-Syd Straw,
she's so cooi-), or because she
hangs with the coolest of the cool in
the industry.
Well, both have mainstream
possibilities, but don't condemn
them for It.
Once upon a time, two European
hair stylists had a concept, a drum
machine, and a dream they wouldn't
let die. This group and this young
lady have their own dreams, too.
The hairstylists wouldn't let their·
dream die, and today we have Milli
Vanilli.
Let's hope Syd Straw and
Junkyard never let their dreams die
either.
-JEFFRKE
IN A CLASSIC CME
mber 1989 Reporter- n e 1genc •
--
r v1ewe·r·i
1 Mail: .J l_ ·----·---· -- . ----------- · ·- .. -· --· . -··
Provoc a sissy?
Dear uR-1/Provoc:
I feel cheatEid, for cryin' out loud!
In past Issue$, you've advertised the
Provoc as being our -Weekly bite In
the ass.• Well, he didn't bite too hard
lastweek(Nov.15issue) ·
Usually, the Provoc tears Into just
about anyone and anything he can
think of. Last week readers/fans/
•purveyors of filth•, If you will, were
cheated out of their weekly dose of
bitching and moaning. ·
Also, the whole column was
printed In Idiot print. Presumably
becau8e It was slapped together to
meet a deadline and you wanted to
make It look bigger than It really wase
so you enlarged t_he type, Right?
Well, even so, our favorite cranky
little columnisVass-biter needs to beef
up the contents of his column. And,
frankly, Keshia Knight-Pulliam Isn't
yourtype, Provoc.
-Stacey Lammers
Journalism Freshman
Ouch.-ed.
their part-time coordinator. They used
my office copier for six months.
I'm not asking for money for use
of equipment, or my malling lists, or
my time; that was all donated. But the .
business can't donate out-of-thepocket
costs without running Into t~
problems. So they are going to pay
me for the actual money I spent.
If I was being bought, I sure hope
It never happens with two candidates
at once - I'd go brokel
........ Mark Grebner
351-6682
· Hawtof the press!
portrayed as an Idiot. I worked drll- Administration should Instead take
gently on this film and was closely steps to el_lm inate the flagrant mls~l_loinvolved
with the publicity and promo- cation of funds as noted above. Srnce
tlonal aspects. It is not such an easy the financial damage of the previous
task to find an Internship. Sure, one •improvement programs· is now
must be aggressive, but one must · irreversible, it might be wise to look
also have motivation, experience, and more dosely at Provost Scott's new
yes - I do have a few brain cells. It proposal in order to avoid future
took me quite' a long time to arrange mistakes. Assuming that Scotf s
my original Internship in the Story figures on the faculty to student ration
Writing Department of U.A., though are correct, there are approximately
my publicity· position did come more . 2 1 oo teaching faculty employed by
easily, due to the Writer's Guild strike the university at present. The eliminaof
1988. tion of 200 faculty would, in fact,
I was, and maybe I still am, generate revenue to bring the remainhonored
that the uR-1 wanted to ing 1,900 faculty members' salary to a
Interview me in regard to my work on level competitive with the Big Ten · .
the incredibly awesome film The average, but this ad ion will und~rmrne
Bear., but I must admit that I was a the university's professed commitment
little disturbed by the outcome. If to undergraduate education. Part of
•Nancy Hawtof bears an·? Well, reporting on a film -do so. Please this university's recruiting power rests
fellas, I can put L!P with~ little humill- give credit where credit is due. The In its r:eputation as one of the country's
at Ion but the. article regarding the director, producer, trainer, ~sound- foremost undergraduate institutions,
newly released film The Bearwas track coordlator are all Ingredients which is que largely to the smaller
truly "unbearable: I'll admit.that I was which made this remarkable fil reach class size and potential for individual
psyched when the uR-1 asked me If I the rave reviews that It is receiving to Instruction made possible by the the
would be the feature In the Nov. 15th this day. Finally, do not make your present student-teacher ration of ~:1.
issue, but I became enraged after subjed look .like an Imbecile, at least What Provost Scott does not tell us is
reading the printed artide. print a f&'.N of the more Intelligent that by cutting faculty 10 percent and
Many of the fads within the article sounding quotes. holding enrollment levels constant, he
were either obviously false or ex- I do greatly admire what this will make this ratio 22:1. This would
tremely ambiguous. The author made paper Is trying to do, and by being an bring MSU down to the level of "most
the film Into a United Artists' produc- independent paper, I thank you for other insitutions· and cause the detlon
in the fourth paragraph and then It printing this letter. Id~, however, wi~h emphasis of ut1dergraduate education,
was conveniently switched Into a Tri- your reporters were mOl'elhoroug~ rn a situation that goes directly against
Star picture towards the end. · their research. Giving a film's credit to the so-called vision· of this institution. Is
Factually, The Bear ls a Price Enter- the wrong entertainment business is Provost Scott attempting to make "The
talnment film, produced by Claude not a minor mistake or typo. Please be Nation's Premiere Land Grand Univer-
Berri, and was merely publicized and careful. sity- into -The Nation's Dead Average
released by Columbia/Tri-Star. Let's Land Grant University?•
get our fads straight. - Nancy Hawtof The image of MSU Is already
An article entitled •A Bear of a English Writing Senior severely tarnished; this year's Cedar
Summer" Is one which the reader can Village incident and recent police · GREB: get a phone presumefocusprimanlyonthefilm 0'Pen lietter to DiB crackdownsonon-campusstudent
DearuR-t--: The Bear. The film was hardly given parities only compound the media's
mention until the tall end of the article. · President DiBiaggio: constant criticism that began last year
I do not stand alone on this point. with minority demonstrations and race-
. Read your editorial and am writing Various students approached me with We are writing In. response to The related incidents. Throughout this
you to suggest that next time you find .questions regarding The B~and . State News article of Nov. 8, 1989 bmtage of criticism the Administration
yourself In such a situation that you were wondering why the artrde did not describing the cuts In faculty as has been trying to present the irue
pick up the phone and call. Wonderful give more information about it. proposed by Provost Scott. We are image• of MSU, that of the silent
invention, the telephone. · . There are a few points that I find greatly concerned by the lack of vision majority of students doing what
I never said I was charging Jordon Important to mention which were and logic displayed by Provost Scott students are supposed to be doing,
•a nominal fee: Since you never eliminated from the article. Jean- in this matter. It seems odd that the getting an education. At the same time
talked to me, It'll probably SUP.ri~ you Jato hear I told .Jordon from the begin- and also directed QuBSt for Fire and build the Jack Breslin Student Events solution to the budget crisis: Cut the
nlng I would charge nothing for my recieved an Oscar for his direction of Center, which Is overbudget and a tools necessary to the education.
time or services. The Name of the Ross. To accom- . year behind schedule, make the multi- process in favor of capital imp.rove- _
· The $409 was the amount paid pany the film, a lnque and riveting million dollar switch to a semester ments. While this may seem hke an
· during the primary campaign as · soundtrack was arranged by Phillippe . system, construd a new wing and · appropriate solution in the short term.
reimbursement for out-of-pocket Sarde. The Bear Is based on a novel parking structure for the Kellogg the negative consequences, such as a
costs. In the general election, I'm sure by a native Michigander James-Oliver Center and yet feel the need to reputation for academic mQ(,jiocrity in
the total (when the bills are In) will be curwood, called The GrlZz/y King. increase tuition by almost 8 percent In addition to the "party school• image .
several thousand dollars. These facts were not lnduded in the addition to a 1 o percent teaching already present, will be felt severely in
Not for services, though~ these artide and I believe that they are faculty reduction. · the future.
folks made 5,000 calls on my phones crucial points when either presenting We feel that instead of speaking in · we feel the answer to the budget-
( at 8.3¢ each.) I printed 140,000 or reviewing a film. terms of •budget reallocation, ".the Ing problems now facing the university
mailing labels. I handled payroll for 1 also do not appreciate being · · . is to reverse the trend of tuition ·
~-------------·--------------------------, increasescoupledwithacademlccnudts
I . ~ n . . . . I and large-scalenon-academlcspe -
: rui re;: WI rw n Io) v : :;:~::::~:i:~,==i".'..
I Lf1J LS u ~ u . a I theeducallonofstudents.
• I H's a neat-o reader response card! . I ok J Tho I i h k? -Bro • mas So are we headed In the r g t trac I Biochemistry sophomore
I Please let us know, send this card to our offices at 142 Gunson St. with any criticisms, com· 1
· : ments or suggestions or other things you believe wlll enhance our ablllty to serve the llSU .: _..:," .'::=::':!'c: ".'! .':oct
I community. Remember, this Is your paper, too. I me... ot epace 11m1ta11ona. The.
I I editors wtah to 11pOloglz• for this.
II ·I ----....... 111111111111!........-~·-~.
I I
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IL . . · · . .J •:::·~~iiiiiiiiiliiiiiiliiiliiiiiiiiiililiiiiiliiiiilliil
----·. -----------------------~----------- - .
.. ·'
.22 November, 1989 · Reporter-Intelligencer • 6
Dr.Andrew
Barclay
DAMM it all,
can't a guy
get a break?
This is really about how two
women, Jodie Foster and a local
judge, are ruining my life. Just 1 O
short days ago, I was so happy.sitting
in my studio trying to get off a good
set of pictures of Willi, my giant
Australian. I think Spuds is a fag dog;
women know he won't hit on them
after he's got a snoot full. But Spuds
only uses alcohol in a responsible
way, he know's when he's had
enough, and that just goes to prove
my point: Spuds ain't manly, he's
George Bush's kind of dog. Even
Nancy Reagan loves Spuds a lot like
she loves Ronald (i.e., she just says,
"No!"), need I say more? ·
A beer company having a mascot
like Spuds shows how America has
fallen in this world; how American men
have sacriliced partying to obtain a ·
better image. Anyway, my dog, Willi,
is a much more manly symbol. Willi
just stands in there, never knows
when he:s had enough, and as many
a disgusted woman can testify, give
him a drink and he makes hash of
your pantyhose.
Here I am, trying to get Willi to sit
still and smile with his tongue hang in'
out so he looks manly, when I get a ·
ca\\ from a student. I explain how very
busy I am but he convinces me this
represents an important career move.
He's looking for a faculty adviser for
DAMM- Drinkers Against Mad
Mothers - !hey believe in the twoparty-
system (going from Langeloh's
down the street to your second party),
responsible drinking (i.e. using the
-.
The
Provocateur
Another day, another holler.
That's right puss-eaters, the Provoc
is back with a barrel full o' hate and
derision/ with a wit that's sharp
enough to make an incision. Pretty
hip iambic hate-trameter, eh fellow
shortfel/ows (with apologies to
Longfellow). Enough of the clever
banter, though, and let's let that
rapier wit cut to the chase ...
Anyone read about my greatgrandma
in Saturday's Detroit Free
Press?
·Yeah, she's the 101-year-old New
Jersey bag who shot at my 46-yearold
great-aunt for taking the radio she
uses to listen to church programs.
(Obviously she doesn't listen closely
enough)
"Sure I tried to shoot her; damned
right I tried to shoot he.r," Grannie
'
portable breathalizerto ke.ep the
driver from blowing higherthan .05),
and MSU's traditional stance (PARDA
Y!! !) While he's explaining all this,
I'm thinking how my career would
benefit from listing faculty advisorshhip
on my Annual Report ..
But, of course, I have to discuss
this with my trusted advisor, Stephanie:-
she sits down and lectures me
aoout how I can't affprd any shit,
particularly with my image. Besides,
"men turn into disgusting animals
when you drink," she says, and makes
me watch Jodie Foster in The Accused.
I'm bummed.
The movie is nothing but anti-male
propaganda. Jodie got my attention
when she was a pubescent slut in
Taxi Driver. If she got old whats-hisname
to shoot at Reagan just to
attract her attention, what did she
expect in a bar full .of Portugese? And
besides, the men I know swear by
alcohol because when they've had
enough, they CAN'T get it up. DAMM
supports alcohol as a form of birth
control; a way to counteract all the .
abortion brew~haha (ha ha) going on
in the Legisalture. That movie is lying;
a distorted view of men.
Stephanie says I am distorted and
we need Jodie because she is a Yalie;
sort of a counter-actant for George
Bush, me, and men like us who have
ruined society for the real kinder,
gentler people: Women. Can we help
it if we went to Yale when it was a
manly place, before they let women
like Jodie Foster in? Yalie·s really
knew how to party back in the days
when driving impaired was a mark of
manhood -,-- that and scars on the
face from windshieldgl'3.s&. So what's
the problem?
The problem, says Stephanie, is
how out of control we get also citing
the illegality of sharing the cost of a
keg with your friends and the recent
unpleasantness in Cedar Villge which
was a bunch of drunken, insecure
males buildingfires (huge phallic
symbols, she called them), even
turning on the kinder, gentler man who
tried to save the women and the
furniture.
Well, one doesn't go after the bighose
kind of guys if yours isn't big
enough to do the job. Men's logic says
i.f police batons were too short, than
what was needed were the BIG men
·with red trucks and really
ENORMOUS hoses to spray everyone
down. Mine's-Bigger-than~Yours asa
public display is a great game.
Which, she said, was why the
woman judge in question was good
en,ough to issue an injunction against
lnde.cent Exposure played with police
batons and fire hoses. My point
exactly-women and unmanly en
resorting to illegal means to control
basically healthy, normal male displays
- especially during fall and .
spring mating seasons.
I said a few things which I now
regret, like: If the judge were actually
competent instead of a lackey for the
imperialist running dogs (women) who
control this town, she would have
known this shit was unconstitutional
and. not have wasted our time with
illegal crap. Anyway, the Declaration
of Independence promised men Life,
Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
Moreover, I heard that when she
was given the decision from the·
Michigan Court of Appeals, she
giggled p.nd said: "Oops, silly meilNow
I have to go back and make it more
specific, don't I."
Yeah, right. How about making
Cedar Village residents wear yellow
six-pointed stars in May and October.
There is a Nazi mentality fitted into a
democratic framework, get my drift?
Not only didn't Stephanie get it, I
don't either. Since we·had that little
"discussion", I have been camping out
on the couch in DAM M's office over in
Student Services. I am having some
very unmanly feeling s, like !onliness ,
and drinking doesn't seem to help.
Damn Jodie Foster. Damn the judge.
Damn DAMM.
.. Or. ANDREW BARCLA V -
sometimes known as Dr. Sex - will
appear r:egi.J larl{in the UR-I, starting
this week>·. ·
.. • The good(?} doctor welcomes ·.
. the naked sun; ·arid Wil\ .reply in tt)is
space. So tiere's:your cha.nee to fire,
er, ask" away: . ·.· ' . . .
. : . Piea5e se•rld your questions to
Barcl~y. ••Clo the uR-1 offices at 142
oiinson st., East l.ansin9, Mi 48823 ·. ·
::::-::·: . .:::...-: ._.·. ;._ ·,· ' . · . . ','. . . .·
The ole· Provo.c mellowing? UP YOURS! .
fessed up to the Associated Press, depth charge. harsh light of an ethics probe.
explaining, "She's as mean as the Why, oh why, George "Puddin' Much like a snake in Crisco,
devil." and Pie,-and Some More Pie, Please, Riegle slunk to the right and gave
Grannie, not to be confused with Brudder" Perles did you need to back campaign contributions from a
the shotgun-bearing coot of Beverly clobber the Mildcats With such gusto? shady dude and is now wriggling to
Hillbillies fame, just missed great- Last time Blake Ezor ran that • the left for safe ground.
auntie with a .32. hard, police cars were in· pursuit. Six For too long, Riegle has lined his
Grannie said she became in-. touchdowns! Damn. campaign coffer with heavy contribucensed
when she woke up and the What's the point? With the steam- tions from PACs and corporations.
radio was gone. rolling, we',re 3-0 in the Wins by More Now, he better re-evaluate his
Said she needs '1o hear good Than 30 Points category, putting us in fund -raising tactics. In fact; all politi- ·
·preaching." the running for the Donald Trump cians should do so.
Now she faces a mandatory three Greedhead Award. (Just what is it with Then again, what do I know; I'm
in the pokey. this New Jersey fetish this week?) only_ in kindergarten. ·
If things work out right, my dear
sainted Grannie will get all the good
· preaching she needs from the adjoining
cell of (who ~lse) Jimbo "Shake 'n"
Bakker.
Let us pray.
While we're in beautiful Jersey, it's
good to see Joe Piscopo finally found
a way to.get people to laugh.
Instead of working hard to develop
better material, he beefed himself up
so people can watch, listen and laugh
at some of the stupiest crap in the
world.
That, or get their ass kicked.
What a game last week, eh pals?
MSU, the compassionate school,
undertook· it upon itself to evoke
images of fish in a barrel.
·Only this time, someone used a
Some people weren't satisfied
with the ole Provoc last week!
Some people were pissed that the
ole Provoc used the easy-to-read type
my classmates prefer!
Some people felt the ole Provoc
ripped them off and was mellowing!
Well, Ms. Stacy "Keshia-Isn'tGood-
Enough-For-You" Lammers, the
ole Provoc is just as nasty as ever, .
you over-bearing, know-it-all, South ·
Wonderful freshman wench!
So take this, hon: Eat my diapers!
And when you're done with that,
we'll get rid of Keshia and talk (monkey)
business ...
Speaking of talk and how cheap it
is in a progressive American righteous
neat-a society, it's great to see Sen.
Don Riegle squirming in under the
Hey, here's one for all yocrposers
sitting out in front of Bilbos in your .
. black garb and cigarettes: GROW UP,
YOU ROTTEN HIGH SCHOOL STINK
BAGS!
You may think you're cool, but
Bauhaus is not the same as BowHouse,
where dogs sleep.
Get a clue and stop being so
avante disre-garde. ·
Oh yeah, before heading out for
my nap, I thought I better mention how
our Schmovost David Scott. is going to
be teaching a class. ·
·I, for one, am looking forward to
taking it. (In about 15 years when I'm
officially enrolled at MSU).
Let's face it, how often can you
learn how to bullshit and double talk
while earning credt!
Hope I can still get admitted ...

KJNGARTHUR- whetheryou'reacting
or not, we'll always be the most precious
gem in my life. I love you! - Your "real
life" Guenevere ( a.k.a. W atana Cecelia)
rm placing this ad
::A'!USe f'm feelin' kinda bad
and I want the guys to know that I a sexy
lad.
So
Why should it be
that a fella like me
should be so all alone with no ecstacy?
but
the homos that I know won't give me no
time
and their just mis sin' out on my shape,
· which is fine
and my very best part, which is my very
active mind
but
the fellas got to know that I ain't no fairy
and I don't mix well with minds that are
airy
I do art well and I can sing like a canary
and I like men black or white if they ain't
too scary
and
I dig good music if it has a good beat
and I want guys to know that my lovin' is
sweet
so if you wanna get ahold of what's under
my sheet,
Send your response to 1214 Turner Street
Lansing,MI48906
A FEW NIGMT.5 LATER I WENT TO
SEE "DOC" BENWAY ...
TMAT'S FUNNY ... IT'.5 TME
RIGMT ADDRESS, BUT TMIS
SURE POliSN'T LOOK LIKE
A DOCTOR'S OFFICE ...
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U(fi) CID~ ©~[ffi ®.tr ~@~®tr a a a
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DON'T BE A DICK
VIDEO MF.sSAGE SERVICE. Out of
sight, out of mind. Send your loveon
videotape. 15 percent student discount
Video Postcard: 339-0509.
SOPHISTICATED SCRIBBLERS! Now
accepting submissions for a new quarterly
magazine. Send SA.SE for guidelines to:
Way Station, P.O. Box 6250, East
Lansing, Mi, 48826.
NEEDBIRTHCONTROLINFORMATION?
TIME FOR YOUR YEARLY EXAM?
CONCERNEDABOUTUNPlANNED
PREGNANCYORSEXUAILY
1RANSMITTEDINFECTIONS?
PLANNED PARENTHOOD HAS THE
ANSWERS. CAIL482-1500.
NEED YOUR COPIES donefastand
cheap? Go to Budget Printing. See our
advertisement elsewhere fu. the uR-1.
CHOW DOWN at the Crossroads
Cafeteria. We 're located in the International
Center. See our ad in theuR-1.
SEE STUDENT ART displayed now at
Faruk Art Gallery, in the Campus Town
Mall. ,Also available areT-shirts, incense
and a variety of literature. See our ad in
theuR-1.
IT'S THE EASTI.ANSINGrenaissance
at Renaissance Hair, for all of your
hairstyling needs. See our ad in the uR-1.
COPIES, COPIES arta-ri1o°1ecopies. If
you want 'em, Paper Image1lasthem. See
our ad m the uR-1.
GARY''S CAMPUS Hair Salon offers
reduced prices for hair cuts. See our ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
RECEIVE $3 OFF your next visit to
Clearwater Spa's hot tubs with our
coupon elsewhere in the uR-1.
IT'S TOP DOG for chili fries, nachos, hot
dogs and other late-night munchies. See
our advertisement in the uR-1.
THE LANDS HARK: where you won't
feel like an uncool fish out of water. See
our ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
CAPUCCINO? PAS1RY? Espresso
Royale on Abbott Road offers unique
international coffees and other delicacies.
See our ad in the uR-1.
UNNERSITY HOUSING puts ease and
convenience at your disposal. See our ad
elsewhere in the uR-1.
BUYTODAY ANDPROTECTYOURSELF
TONIGHTwith a personal alarm.
See our ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
LOOKING sub-PAR? Try the PatS'llon.
for that sharp look you desire. See elsewhere in the uR-1.
DONTS1RIKE OUTTHIS WEEKEND;
go bowling - at the Union Lanes. See
our ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
CURRIE'S SPECIALIZES IN HAIRCARE
for those who want to look their
best See our ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
GET RID OF THOSE BLAHS! Go to
Studio 241 for your beauty needs. See our
ad elsewhere in the uR-1.
. ifl~-~~~~ij
a:1a•1 ...
. ..
. . ..
..
..
..
. ·.·.···.·. ·.· .
. ..
Vegas Fist-has aoovt U1e. ·
: : ·same opPQrtunify tO: r~om an ·.
····;~ .. · · " ·~DANFRIEDtMN · .. _. . -: · ·
·.i .· · . · .·. ·.· .· . . ·. · . ·.· . . ....
Each week the uR-1
strives to keep you hot on
the scent of new and exciting
activities, via our
Out &: About section (the
very thing you've turned to,_
Magellan). If you know of
anyplace we should be
Including in this section, .
please hip us to that particular
groove, man. We
just aren't always as cool
as we seem.
House parties are fair
game, but we must kn.ow
about your party the
Thursday before the paper
comes out. And please,
don't tell us if you're having
beer; we hate to be the
invitation for John Law.
If you have anything you
want to tell us, please
contact our Out &: About
Editor Joe Schmidt at
our Gunson street Offices.
351-4899.
Boars Head Theater
Nov. 22 - Dec. 1 O: Lion In Winter,
Center For The Arts. 8 p.m. Call 484-
7805.
Nov. 29: Macbeth (a staged
reading). 484-7805.
Classic Films
Call 355-0241 for locations and
info.
The Green Door
November schedule: (all shows
begin at 9:30 p.m.)
Mondays: Blue Avenue Delegates.
$2.
Tuesdays: Capital City Band. No
admission
Wed.-Sat.:Toys. No admission.
Sundays: Uptown Band. No
admission.
The Landsharls
Nov. 24-25:Spinaker.
Nov. 28: Mike Haring.
Dec. 1-2: The Deadbeats.
MSU fajrchildTheater
Nov. 30:Just Kidding presents
their national tour, 'Where's My
Thermos." 7 p.m. Call 353-5255.
MSU AudjSorjym
·Nov. 27: the 8-52's.
ers.
Reach an
alternative
market using
an
alternative
paper.
Advertise
in the CALL351-4885
n· R -I . or write us: 142 Gunson St.
· . East Lansing, MI
Bjck'sAmecjcanCafe
Nov. 22: Freeman and the Chas-
Nov. 23: closed.
Nov. 24: Scott Morgan Band.
Nov. 25: Souvenir.
Nov. 26: Jerry Sprague.
Nov. 27: Goober and the Peas.
Nov. 28: Dan Earl.
Sensations
C.J. Barrymore's .
Nov. 29: Mark Farner
Fox Theatre
48823
.·.·.·.·.·.·...·.·..·...·.·...·..·..·..·..·.·..·..·. . .
..... . . . . ..
+:.:<:::::rw·::i:lwH·
::i ; ~ '. ~ ~: ~ i~ ii ill~'.~::::;~ [ i ~::::::: ! ~ { i {!ii!~~~ iii
\ ifl;?li' !;' ''/ :: ::;: :: : : <:\:: .·. •·: ><> / :
Latjn Quarter
Nov. 22: Red Hot Chili Peppers
Royal Oak Music Theater
Dec. 7: Richard Lewis.
Dec. 8: Branford Marsalis.
Dec. 9: Psychedelic Furs.
Dec. 16-18: The The.
St. Andrew's Hall
Nov. 22: Second Self.
Nov. 24: Thrash Brats w/guests
Nov. 25: Thrill Kill Kult
Nov. 15: Ann-bee-Davis, with The
Front
Nov. 25: 10,000 Maniacs.
Nov. 26 & 30: B-52~s.
Nov. 29: Jean Luc Ponty.
Wharton Center-ca/1355-6686
for any information
Nov. 22: Cats.
Nov. 25: World TravelSeries,
Norway: Land of the Midnight Sun.
Nov. 28: MSU Glee Club, Collegiate
& Chamber Choirs.
Blind Pig .
Nov. 22: Eeek-a-Mouse.
Nov. 24: Mad Cat Ruth.
Nov. 25: George Bedard.
. No_v. 27: Cult Heroes.
Tl1c IA f't-1 is l'IAL11isl14'f wcc~I~ cacl-1 tcnJ.i1 30
iSSIACS a ~can J a 11d is a va i la L11c 1~cc 011 t'1c J-11 St.-1
ca J.i1l'IASa11d c11 vi ..w11s.
It is a IS-' a va ila L11c '-'~ J.i1a i If on a 11a11111Aa I
S1AL1~~i1'fio11 natco1•3t witl-1 dis~1A11ts J.i1adc
f on 11011-vn-'fit on~a11izatio11sa11d J.i11A lfil'lc
SIA L1scni 1'tio11s to 011c add ncss. It is 1'-'Stcd
wu~I~ via finst-class J.i1ail .•
1~ s-ub-sc-ri-be-r's- n-am-e-: --------------,I
1 street Address: · I
I City: State: •. Zip: I
loualified for Discount? I
~f1-1.-,fw-c~-~p-.1~-.,-l1~-~ U-11-i~-/1-4-p.-Mt-m--ll-11-dl-ip-~ -~
•' °':
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