Title

University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 1, Number 10

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Creator: uR-I Publications
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
Christmas in East Lansing
State News Tax
Viewer Mail
Dr. Andrew Barclay
Classifieds
Out and About
Entertainment - The Front
Date: November 29, 1989
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006344.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (12.24 MB)
Transcript: Some straight talk on that State News tax hike.~ p. 3
29
November
1989
WHAT'S UP:
Warm FRONT rolling
in
Volume I
Number 10
Forecast good for EL
rockers... p. 8
@ Scratch Dog Boy... p. 6
©The Provoc jingles... p. 5
MSU's alternative
and truly
independent
voice
@ Out & about... p. 7
® Enterfurikintainment... p. 8
X-MAS FROM HELL!
Trapped in E.l~.: A uR-1 stocking stuffer
by GREG GRIFFIN
uR-1 Fun Correspondent
Ahhh ... Christmas in East Lansing.
Empty streets, empty house5,
empty campus, empty bars.
Connxtions Comedy Club will be
bringing some of the top comedy acts
in the country to the area: Malone and
Noochez, Steve Decker, John Bowman,
and (!)the International Sleight of
Hand Champ-
And- lucky you!!-you're right in
the middle of it all! You can ride the
CA I A bus all day and meet all sorts of
psychoticfolks! Youcouldrunoffcopies ·
of your buttocks at Kinko's! You could
build anatomically correct snowmen!
You could watch TV ALL DAY LONG!
ion, Chuck King. Miss 'em-at your
own risk. Connxtlons wlll also be hosting
a gala New Year's Eve bash, with
free champagne and dancing thrown in
with the yuks. Call Connxtions at 482-
1467 for more details.
For the film buffs among you, the
holiday season will bring its perennial
dumptruck load of big movies to the
Try to contain your excitement, O silver screen in the next few weeks.
fortunate one!
In the unlikely event that meeting
psychotics on the bus doesn't make
you long for the end of the term, I took
it upon myself to come up with some
cool ideas for stuff you can do to entertain
yourself ... all the way to 1990.
Let's start with the local scene:
Small Planet will be featuring
live jazz with the '4.Jse Brothers on
Wednesday nights and blues with.
Born Naked on Thursdays. Also a
great place to go for dinner and
drinks. Call Small Planet at 351 -
6230.
Don't believe East Lansing is "the
City of the Arts8? You're right.
That's a load of shit. But Faruk An
Gallery is doing its part to broaden
the horizons of our fair city. Look
for Faruk to host live music featuring
local talent on December 9 (with
False Add ix ion and Starpower) and 16
(with Electric Rain and Rendering
Suns). Also, be sure to catch the
poetry reading on the 14th. For more
information, call Faruk at 351 -7933.
Rick's American Cafe will have
much of the same mix of local
talent as they usually feature every
month. Highlights includea(bop) harvey
dat~ on December 23 and the
HannibaJsonthe?thandon New Year's
Eve. Rick's' number is 351 -2285.
. ..
As always, the Odeon Theatre has
the latest and the greatest in foreign
and independent films. It's guaranteed
classy cinema, and comes highly rec-
om mended. Give 'em a call and see
what's showing at 351 -1300.
Feeling in a festive holiday mood?
Good. There's lots of Yuletide
crap to do.
For starters, a production of the
NutcraCker put on by the Children's
Ballet Theatre will be at our very own
Wharton CentEir on December 9 and
1 o. If you enjoy this, maybe you'll want
to come back for Holidays with the
Empire Brass on the 20th. Word has
itthat both are excellent programs well
worth your consideration. Get details
at 355-6686.
Now, take a drive to Detroit for a
· fun-filledday(hey,noonesaidyouhad
to stay in East Lansing .all the time).
Make sure you stop at the Detroit
Institute of Arts for a special program
featuring some of the most sacred icons
and frescoes from the Holy Land. It's a
great opportunity to get in touch with
the spirit of the holiday season.
Also, Oakland University is putting
on a production of the Charles Dickens
classic A Christmas Carol from now
until December 31. What could be
more in the spirit of Christmas than
watc;hing old Scrooge get his just desserts?
Besides, even the most miserly
of us can afford the reasonably priced
tickets. Call Meadow Brook Theatre at
(313)377-3300 ..
Arbor Township and check out the
Domino's Farms Christmas lights
display. This thing is· good enol!lgh to
get cars to line up for miles on the
On the way home, hop over to Ann See DULLSVILLE, p. 2
Season's
jl"om out" family to you ct"ups Greetings:
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2 • Repqrter-lntelligencer -, 1
_ _ • 29 November, 1989
From DULLSVILLE, p. 1
weekends just to drive through it. So
treat y,ourself ~ go see it, but try to do
it during the week.
By now, you'.ve had so much fun
that you're positively dizzy-and it's not
even Christmas yet. So here's a suggestion
for the truly adventurous of you
to reaj!¥ make this a memorable time in
your lite. If you've ever seen the movie
It's a Wonderful Life (and if you haven't,
for God's sake, see it! see it!) you know
that Jimmy Stewart was a great guy
because he put so much of himself Into
improving the community of Bedford
Falls. Andyou'dliketobeanall-around
good egg like Jimmy. The good news is
that you can do it-by calling the East
Lansing Economic Crisis Center at
337-2731 , the City Rescue Mission at
485-0415, or the East Lansing Older
Paople'sProgramat337-6489: lfnone
of these sound good to you, call any
local church. They'd love to give you
suggestions. The Important thing is that
you get involved and do something to
give your community a little bit In return
for everything it's given you. Remember
how Jimmy Stewart is royally screwed
at the end of the movie and all his friends
and neighbors come by to bail him out?
Isn't this what Christmas Is all about?
Volunteera few hours of your time. It's
a "kinder, gentler nation", forcryin' out
loud. ·
No matter where you spend your
Christmas break, we here at the UR-I
wish you and yours a fun-filled, memorable
holiday season.
All except for that nasty little kid.
...........
Start your day with a relaxing
aromatherapy body wrap.using
essential oils.helping to detoxify
· your body and remineralize your
skin. While relaxing, enjoy a
European style facial and a foot
reflexology massage. Rnish up·
with a lymphthic body massage.
Then.for the polishing touch, recieve
your warm paraffin hand dip
manicure.followed by a
sh9mpoo and hairdesign.
(Makeup application for women.)
Men $170.00 value = $155.00
Women $185.00 value = $155.00
A full body massage and a full facial
$75.00 ~lue = $65.00
A full body massage and a mini facial
$45.00 value = $35.00
TANNING PAcKAGES AVAft'.ABLE
(1 Unit = 10 Minutes)
1 O Units=$22.00;20 Units = $38.00.
30 Units = $48.00
A body wrap and facial
$105.00 value = $90.00 ·
A hairdesign, manicure and makeup
$44.00 value = $39.95
A hairdesign , manicure and hand dip
$36.50 value :;= $29.95
A pedicure and manicure
$35.00 value = $27.95
( No substittutions on pac~ges)
For Reservations
Call The
HOT TUB
HOT LINE
332-6318
(located corner of
Grove· and Linden 4$
copy
special
near Dooleys)
,--~--------,
. .
(8112 x11)
l $3.00·0FF I I
IYout Next Hot Tub Rental I
: (Wit_h Coupon) :
I Exp. Nov.30, 1989 I
exp.Dec.22 LI (_Li_mi_t l_ d_isc_ou_nt_ pe_r v_is_it) _JI
Also Wed. Speciai
Two People _$15/hr.
Regular Price $20 . t
I
Mondays SHARK WAVE
(7 piece brass)
Sun. -Mon .. Dec.1 &2 ............ Deadbeats
live from Chicago, featuring
double bass.
The Landshark
is at 101 E. Grand River
(comer of Abbot and Grand
River} East Lansing
Home of the SHARKBOWU
,
e
e
Just say no!
Brother can you spare a dime -
- or how 'bout seven and a half of 'em?
Pitiful.
But that's the game The State
News is playing by begging for a 75~
tax increase from students, who will
decide the issue at registration.
We feel confident calling It a
game, because it is certainly not a
case of lite and death as ·the paper
would have you believe.
You want STRAIGHT TALK?
OK.
The State News talks about
reducing news content. At no point do
they talk about reducing salaries,
which are above those of other
college papers . In fact, some college
papers do not pay their writers. There
are other measures to be considered
first, since the reporters at the paper
do put in many hours and much effort.
Let us proceed.
They talk of reducing wire services.
This is actually a boon for
studentsl Too often The State News
fills its newshole with wire copy from
United Press International, when
important local and campus events go
neglected. This robs students of
important information about,Pertinent
local happenings and even hurts the
paper's reporters, who often have
their stories butchered to fit a story on
Imelda Marcos' shoes or are denied
outright an opportunity to have their
work published. Further, it is incumbent
upon the paper's editors to
remember they are a STUDENT
newspaper serving MSU. Many
students receive superior national and
state news from the Detroit dailies or
other sources which neglect the MSU
scene.
There Is the threat of reducing
news and sports coverage If the tax
hike is denied. This is a red herring;
no, Indeed, It Is a red whale. The State
News has had such trouble finding
reporters and especially sports writers
that these sections have been shrinking
for years. Who suffers Is the
student forced to read the low-calibre
work churned out today. Perhaps the
paper should try to improve the
morale of its staff, which Is at a five
year low. The good news here:
Encouragement and improved motale
is FREE (that means we don't have to
pay for it).
But - and here we quake - the
comics page may be eliminated I
Rememberthat red whale? Yeah, well
this is his twin. Comics are sold to the
paper by syndicates at a reduced. rate
because The State News is a student
paper, and these charges take into
account ability to pay. Comics are
often the one redeeming trait of the
paper, and to eliminate them would
eliminate readers, and thereby
advertisers. A cardinal sin no one
would succomb to.
Budget costs could limit the
paper's service·to us.which we do
find somewhat horriftc c:Onsldering the
already reduced service we are
receiving.
While we encourage students to
help out The State News in any way
they can - as we encourage aid to all.
· publications - the tax hike is unnec- '
essary. It would only serve as a crutch
for a paper that needs to look at the
way It spends the money it currently
receives from students. The paper
. must evaluate, re-evaluate and look to
a more fiscally responsible future.
Exam.pies of irresponsible spending:
•The State News recently spent
money to buy a second laser·writer a
thousand dollar-plus item - because
of ignorance in the frqntoffice.
Apparently they did not realize that
more than their few computers could
be tied into their existing laser writer.
These Macs have been underused for
real newspaper work and overused for
computer game playing in the composition
shop.
•Alt.hough the paper's management
5aw fit to reach into what they
would have us believe are shallow
pockets for a fax machine, there is still
lacking a complete encyclopedia set _
and a world atlas that.is not missing
pages. These have been absent for
years, but no effort has been made to
remedy the situation. ·
•The past and current editor-inchiefs
are sent all expenses paid to
Pacemaker competition at considerable
cost.
•Advertising account executives
are paid a grossly out of scale with the
wage paid to reporters. Two years
ago, an account executive bragged
that he could make $200 In a week for
1 O hours work.
. These are but a few examples.
Unfortunately, there are more we don't
have space for. .
It's time the paper began to push
its advertising staff to new heights.
They are a talented but complacent lot
who have been content to take their
meaty salaries and service existing
accounts without seeking new sources
of the funds the paper claims to so
desperately need. In this formerlymonopoly
situation where there is a
captive audience and a business .
community who depend on the
university and its population for
survival, we are skeptical ad execs at
The State News could not push themselves
to rake in a extra revenue.
As a paper which lauds itself as
"MSU's Independent Voice,· - an
Ironic title for an entity that receives
more than $250,000 a year from the
university through student tax and a
greater savings in the office space
- afforded it for a pittance on the third
ftOor of Student Services - The State
News should begin to take pride and
work to reduce its dependence on the
university and its burden on the
students.
And now, becausetheyeannot
managetheir money properly, this
•independent• voice has the gall to
ask the students-to reach a little
deeper to make up for their lncom petence
and mismanagement.
. .. ' .. .
It's quite sad, really. .
Sure, it's only 75¢, but that adds
up to more than $30,000 a term. And
it's like giving an alcoholic just a sip of
booze. Cork your bottle and let the
lush get help from the only place he
can ,'-Within.
This is a paper that was once
great and has slid into mediocrity for .
the very reasons it comes to us with
hand outstretched.
Mismanagement.
As we have pointed out before,
hypocrisy reigns at The State News.
Isn't this the paper that castigated
the university for raising costs to
students?
Isn't this the paper asking the
students to cough up to cover their
rising costs due to fiscal irresponsibility
and utter stupidity?
Isn't this a shame?
Yes, a terrible one. And that, succinctly,
is why we are urging you to
vote NO on the tax hike for The State
News and force them to practice what
they preach.
Perhaps this lesson will cause the
paper to begin the climb to the heights
it once enjoyed.
Perhaps ...
uR-1 artwork/JACK WHEATLEY
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4 • Reporter-Intelligencer . 29 November, 1989
Viewer
Mail
Stearns a half-ass
Dear Editors,
I am writing in response to David
Stearns' article "Cowardly Roommates
Spread Racial Plague." You did some
half-ass reporting on that one. (What's
new?) I've known Mark, (the kid's
name you couldn't rememberforthe
life of you) and John for quite awhile.
I've ne\ler known either to be prejudiced
like you described. Both share a
common friend you is black. One of
the guys has a girlfriend of three years
who is Native American Indian. Also, it
would be pretty tough being on the
MSU football team and being prejudice.
You portray the guys to be big
"bad goons." Thars funny, Mark
weighs about 160 lbs. and John
around 170. That's the size of most
students here at MSU. I hope we're
not all goons. Another thing is that
they didn't both graduate from Brother .
Rice. John graduated from Brother
Rice and Mark from Rochester High.
School.
It seems as though your prejudice
against football players. Just because
your stuck behind that desk pushing a
pencil, doesn't mean you have the
right to knock these guys. You didn't
even have enough information to spell
the kid's name right. I think your just
about "blue in the face." Becareful you
don't get yourself in trouble for libel.
You did a damn good j?b reporting.
You know what you are. ·
Mike Richardson
Freshman
Seconding that
emotion ...
. Dear Editors,
I am writing In response to David
Stearns' article in the November 8th
issue, "Cowardly Roommates ..• "He
seems to really bash racial (really
religlous) prejudices, wven when
they're nonexistent. Yet he doesn't
even care about his own prejudices
towards football players. Do these
quotes sound like they are from a
supposed non-biggot?
- ... "freshman's nightmare: he
was tripled with two football players."
- .. :my brother weighs just over
100 lbs. and two football players feel
it's necessary to threaten him with
physical violence~"
- ... iwo lunkheads he had for
roommates."
I sort of think these quotes are
intended as prejudices and stereotypes
against football players.
According to Dave one would
think these two boys are 300 lb. ·
brainless biggots. Nothing could be
further from the truth. Mark, memorize
that Dave, is a 160 lb. receiver who is
very intelligent. John is around 180
lbs. and is also very intelligent. Also,
both of these guys have a very good
friend who is black, and Mark's
girlfriend of three years is a Native
American Indian. Anyone who knows
these two boys knows they are two of
the nicest guys you could meet. I'm
sure you'll here that again.
Maybe Mark or John could write a
column bashing football-player haters,
and make up lies about Dave Stearns.
But that would be a cause for a case
of libel.
Anyways Dave Stirn, sorry it thars
misspelled, you know what you are.
Dennis Bruce
Chemical Engineering
Freshman
. Ha-Ha, Harger!
Hey Editor!
I read the hilarious tongue-incheek
viewpoint by Art Harger on
privatizing MSU. As a longtime East
Lansing resident, and one who Is
working on.his third MSU degree, I've
had plenty of opportunity to observe
and think about the half-baked way
MSU is run, and at what cost to Its
customers (we students). But "condomlnomize"
(sic) MSU? What a
sense of humor!
. First of all, I liked to part about
how the State of Michigan .Is so
economically ignorant. Sure, we could
issue bonds to the state for$1 -$2.5
billion based on Independent appraisals.
And then we'll just turn around
and spin off portions of the corporation
for a whole lot more! Why would. the
State of Michigan be such fools?
What's to stop them from spinning off
divisions of the Big U themselves
when they already own the whole
damnthlng? · ·
Second, Art's "market" estimates
of the values of the U's individual
assets is another great joke. Who in
their right mind would pay $1.5 million
fora Forrest Akers Golf Club membership?
I can go to Tokyo and join a ·
middle-level club fort.hat amount. And
the land here certainly isn't as scarce
as it is in Japan. And $400,ooO per
room at Kellogg? The Sultan of Brunei
was criticized last year for paying that
much per room for a hotel in Beverly
Hlllsl You can'.t spin off assets at a
price that makes them unprofitable for
their new owners. It just doesn't work
that way, except perhaps In "Trump:
The Game."
Third, I thought about the notio.n of
a "privatized" MSU and what that
would mean to students. Sorry, Art
History and English just don't pay their
way anymore - "off with their heads!"
Yessir, Dr. Trump, we don't need no
arts interpretavists or poets nomore.
The "new" Spartan U. would turn out
those who generate maximum economic
benefit - i.e., those who can
afford the price and those who can
create an economic surplus for the
"corporation.· So the U would consolidate
into the narrowest schools of
engineering and business known to
man. The hell with Intellectual diversity!
Who needs it? What a sublime
sense of humor this man has.
No, as fumbling and fiscally
irresponsible as MSU appears to be,
the notion of state-owned, statesponsored
education serves a vital
function in society. Even with tuition
increases, public universitites provide
opportunity fort he economically
'disadvantaged ,- a hallmark of a
humane society. Public universities
are state-sponsored efforts to m!!lntain
intellectual and cultural diversity in
the society. If MSU fails at these goals
(which I believe It has), it needs
reformation within the structure.
Ranting and raving with wild-eyed
privatization schemes in the neoReaganomic
motif reeks of Ayn Rand
and objectivism. It's great In a novel,
board game or movie. In reality, It
reduces great cultural ·institutions (like
education) to free market institutions
of exploitation. ·
Hr-K-l- ------------------------------------, ~w [K\~ [Q)~ ~ .· !
I It's a neat-o reader response card! I
• .So are we headed in.the right track? I
: Please let us know, ·send this card to our offices at.142 Gunson St. with any criticisms, com- :
I ments or suggestions or other things you believe will enhance our ability to serve the MSU I
:· community. Remember, this is your paper, too. · :
1· I
I I
I I
I I
I I
I I
I · I
I I
I · I
I I
I . . I
L~----~---------------------------------~
Lest Art accuse me of being the
"L" word, I'll admit it up front: I am 011e.
P.S. Mary Jane Sunshine: grow
up. Get some substance abuse
counseling for those Friday morning
hangovers,. and learn to respect bike
riders in the street where they belong.
x .. -
nAs
L 'LS'J:
FO:Jt
''JKE
U:Jt-'L:
• ,SEND
MORE
LE11ERS
•SEND
MONEY
•AC1
NOW!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . - . . . ~ . . . . . . . .
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29 November, 1989 Reporter-Intelligencer • 5
Dr.Andrew
Barclay
You would never believe the
people who come walking into my
office, plop themselves down, and talk
about their most intimate probler:ns.
Maybe it is because I did a lot of
research as •or. Sex· or maybe
because I have an open, boyish face.
More likely, though, it's because I've
heard it all at least five times and
nothing surprises me any more.
. I used to play a lot of chess in my
younger days but I haven't gone near
a chessboard In years. With sixteen
pieces, an eight by eight board and
stereotyped moves, I discovered I was
doing nothing but replaying famous
chess matches. I would make an
innovativ~ opening move only to
overhear a spectator whisper, "Ooh,
it's a Ruy Lopez opening - he used it
in that famous match with the Russian,
Whatshisnameovich."
Soon I came to feel the ancient
Persians (Iranians these days) looking
over my shoulder, laughing and
pointing as I made my moves. There
wasn't a single thing I could do in
chess that hadn't been done before.
Wouldn't you know it? After I had
done a lot of sex research, I realized I
was going around for the third time
and sex began to feel a lot like chess.
The opening moves were stereotyped.
The
This Is It, ephemsral
EbenHzers of euphemistic
euphoria. (Huh?) Ten wHks
later, and you st/// haven't
learned. Ph/em phrHzes when
you blow a /ooger In December,
so this time you really better
watch out. You'll find worse than
a lump of coal In your stockings,
or maybe a wom out, splintered
drsldle nsxt to your menorah
this year. Have a crappy holiday
and a putrid new year. -
It makes me feel all warm
inside (my diapers) to know that
MSU installed those ridiculous
holiday decorations on top of
.dormitories again.? The real
people that deserve to be lambasted
are you weak-kneed students!
They raise your tuition .
Male encounters are normal
I felt like many people were looking
over my shoulder laughing and
pointing, and there was nothing novel
about the situation.
Sexuality Is circumscribed because
it is bounded by our humanness.
Ever since the first homanld
emerged, walking upright out of the
jungle several m'illion years ago, sex
has been the same and it will never
change so long as we remain human.
Whatever fears or anxiety you might
have are no different from the fears
and anxieties held by your progenitors
thousands, and even millions of years
ago. We are an Insecure species,
perhaps because we have knowledge
and fear death, or maybe we are just
insecure, especially men.
Anyway, here Is this guy pouring
out his fears and anxieties, thinking
he's unique, while I'm thinking: "My
God, that's my life - he's living my
life all over again."
He is telling me that one night this
past week, a male friend was visiting
his apartment and they had engaged
in asexual act. Together ... men ... small
circle-jerk ... what if my parents
knew ... what If my friends knew ... what
if my girlfriend knew .... kind of ·
thing ... you know.
I pointed out that a lot of men likG
other men as occassional sexual
partners because there are no games,
you both know why you are there, you
both have sex drives that are through
the roof, so let's get to it. In this
regard, some gay men report having
over5,000sexual contacts (whatever
. that is) in a single year. Very few ·
heterosexuals could achieve this level
of sexuality (15 sexual contacts a.,dax)
because talking, holding, reassurance
(•of course I'll re5pect you in the
mom Ing") are all part of the heterosexual
act.
Men together are much more
physical because our sexual nature&
are being pushed to an extreme,
which explains 5,00a year. Not a whole lot of talking going
on there.·
He kept shaking his head so I
asked him what was really bothering
him. He said, "I used to be the guy
who was totally anti-gay. I talked gay
hate to my friends and even went out
looking for Them a few times, hoping
we could meet so I could beat a few of
Them up. How could this happen?"
I put my arm around him (causing
him to flinch, by the way) and said:
We ruin our children and we,
ourselve5 have been ruined by having
the world act as if we are sexually all
one thing. That as men, we are men
through and through, and, worse yet,
have no feelings. Our behavior is
supposed to be somewhat robotic, we
hf;lve to avoid other men as close
friends, and we must never, never act
weak or insecure. Men can only touch
each otherwh~n we are shaking
hands or fighting. The truth is all
human beings are mixtures of the
sexes to varying degrees and we are
all capable of enjoying sexual play
with a wide variety of partners iilDd.
species.
Since we are all (iifferent than
what we have been led to believe, as
men, we are forced to repress our
kinder, gentler selves to a serious
degree. We so hate and fearthe more
beautiful parts of our male self. we go
around looking for it in the world so we
can kill it. This is the John Wayne
Gacy model of homosexual denialhe
was under control most of the time
but on the occasslons when his sexual
desires would get out of control, he
would pick up a young man to have.
sex with and have to kill and bury him
to remove the evidence of his "foul
· desire:
Now if men only went around
beating up other men, that would be
awful but our situation is even worse
because many men with beautiful,
feminine interiors who can't get close
to other men t~ke it out on "society" by
beating and raping women. It seems '
odd that rape and violent sexual
assaults on women will only cease
when men begin loving and touching
other men more, but it Is true. Until we
can love ourselves, as we really are,
we can never iove men or women.
The aap we learn as kids will be
played out as violence and hate over
and over again until we take control
and, as the army says, ·ae all that we
can be!"
We separated that day both '
feeling better because we had held
each other and expressed our appreciation
for our incredible beauty and
sensitivity. We were The Future Men,
here today, and the future looks better
for it.
. .. . . . ·· · · · · · . . . \\.\.:Jtt@)\\::ijRP:t••: Po&HY·
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Confessions_ of a junior Grinch ...
every year, and then they build
new baSketball arenas and Install
chee~eater ornaments that are
always blown over and the administration
still has you believing
that money is being spent wisely.
Wise up, bubbleheads. And
remember that when you're
walling in the pit for that last class
you need to graduate but there Is
a 300-i:>erson list In front of you.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Jingle Bells,
DiBi smells
He's in t{1e Caribbean.
Basking in th-e
Exotic sun
And hiking tuition again!
The Mashing.in East Lansing.
.. Football Players vs. The Band .
- Got a phone call Monday from
a band member crying about the
university choosing a bowl so far
away .that the poor-little band
members will have to toot at
home this Christmas Day.· Aw,
you're breaking my wittle heart!
Listen up, Bozos. Only Blaze
"Jeri Curl" Ezer and his Wrecking
Crew deserve the trip to the wayout
west. Blake admited to a
reporter after the Wisconsin game
that he was grateful to have the
university footing the bill to_ Hawaii.
Ah, honesty.
But guys, why can't the band
go? The State News has seen fit
to send a reporter and a photographer
to the game (nice to k.now
where our student tax dollars are
being spent). Sports Editor Todd
Moshier said this trip actually is
cheaper than last years trip to
Jacksonville for the Gator Bowl,
and the Marching Boogers were at
that fiesta. I knoYi. I see those
cute little bowling-style patches
proudly displayed on those gorgeous
team jackets.
I'd like to stay in the festive
spirit, so my next topic is teenage
masturbation. I can't wait till I turn
13.
Don't you hate ... Radio
Shack commercials during the
Christmas season? If I never see
another advertisement with two
bratty, pseudo-cutesy Aryan
Youths playing with the latest In
out-dated electronic toys, it'll only
be for the better.
Have a stinky holiday!
Bah.
KING ARTHUR- whetheryou're
acting or not, we'll always be the
most precious gem in my life. I
love you! - Your "real life"
Guenevere (a.k.a. Watana Cecelia)
rm placing this ad
cause r·m feelin' kinda bad
and I want the guys to know that I a sexy
lad.
So
Why should it be
that a fella like me
should be so all alone with no ecstacy?
but
the homos that I know won't give me no
time
and their just missin' out on my shape,
which is fine ·
and my very best part, which is my very
active mind
but .
t4e fellas got to know that I ain't no fairy
and I don't mix well with minds that are
ally
I do art well and I can sing like a canary
and I like men black or white if they ain't .
too scary
and
I dig good music if it bas a good beat
and I want guys to know that my lovin' is
sweet
so if you wannagetahold of whats under
my sheet,
Send your response to 1214 Turner Street
YEAM, UMM ... WE WE~E .JUST
MAVING A LITTLE P'ARTY ... DONNAI
GET TMIS MAN A &>RINI(/
.--......:N"WI
~ @@ [Q) o © lk\ [Q) ill] w @[fi) @@l -o ITi)
U[h) ®U -©-U[h) ® U3 [p)®[p)®U3 o o o_
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[p) ® [f ® © [fl) MU® [p) ® ITiJ U@ o o o
-DON'T BE A DICK
UU1sing,MI48906
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-Send SASE for guidelines to:
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CHOW DOWN at the Crossroads
Cafeteria. We 're located in the
International Center. See our ad in
theuR-1.
. SEE S1UDENT ART displayed
now at Farulc Art Gallery, in the
Campus Town Mall. Also available
areT-shirts, incense and a
variety of literature. -See our ad in
theuR-L
IT'STHEEASTLANSING .
renaissance at Renaissance Hair,
for all of your hairstyling needs.
See our ad in the uR-I.
COPIES, COPIES and more
copies. Ify~u want 'em, Paper
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GARY"S CAMPUS Hair Salon
offers reduced prices for hair cuts.
·see our ad elsewhere. in the uR-1.
RECEIVE $3 OFF your next visit
to Oearwater Spa's hot tubs with
our coupon elsewhere in the uR-1.
IT'S TOP DOG for chili fries,
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munchies. See our advertisement
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THELANDSHARK: where you
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CAPUCCINO?P ASTRY? Espresso
Royale on Abbott Road
offers unique international coffees
and other delicacies. See our ad in
theuR-1.
UNIVERSITY HOUSING puts
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disposal. See our ad elsewhere in
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LOOKING sub-PAR? Try the Par
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2:.6 ABBOT ROAD NEAJl BEGCAJt-5 ~UNTIL ~GDMGHT

l
I
BoarsHeacUbeater
Dec. 5: 1-tal
Dec. 6: Pau the Siren
Dec. 7: The Hannibals
Dec. 8: The Deans
Dec. 9: Lonnie Brooks
. .,.
OU
Latjo OUaner
Nov. 22: Red Hot Chili Peppers
Royal Oak 11/kJsic Theater
. Dec. 7: Richard Lewis. .
Nov. 22 - Dec. 1 o: Lion In Winter, Center For
The Arts. a p.m. Call 484-7805.
Nov. 29: Macbeth (a staged reading). 484-7805.
. Whanon Center-ca/1355-6686 for any
information
Dec: 8: Branford Marsalis.
.. Dec .. 9: Psychedelic Furs.
Nov~ 28: MSU Glee Club, Collegiate & Chamber Dec. 16-18: The The ..
Classic Films
Call 355-0241 for locations and info.
The Green poor .
Choirs. .
$1. Andrew's Hall
Dec. 2: Del Fuegos
Dec.9:GLH
November schedule: (all shows begin at 9:30
Dec. 12: Terrence Trent D'Arby
p.m.)
BllndPig ..
Nov. 30: Iodine Raincoat
Mondays: Blue Avenue Delegates. $2. Dec. 1 : The Difference
Tuesdays: Capital City Band. No admission
Wed.-Sat.:Toys. Noadmission.
Sundays: Uptown Band. No admission.
Dec. 2: Judy and the Dreams
Dec. 4: M-16
Dec. 6: Sugar Minott
The Landshadc Blondie's
Dec. 1-2: The Deadbeats. Dec. 12: Nuclear Assault •
MSU Fairchild Tbtatar
Nov. 30: Just Kidding presents their national
tour, 'Where's My Thermos.• 7 p.m. Call 353-5255.
· Bick'sAmericanCate
Nov. 29: Reggae Connection
Nov. 30: Born Naked
Dec. 1 : Joe Carasco
Dec. 2: Going Public ·
C.J. Barr,ymore's
Nov. 29: Mark Farner
Fox Theatre
Dec. 3:Jerry Sprague
Dec. 4: Phidius Gadge
Nov. 29: Jean Luc Ponty.
Dec. 7-1 o: David Copperfield
cafeteria
atthe .
international center
·Good, reasonably priced food with that
little extra care/."
Right On Campus
Serving You· Mon-Thurs: 7:30 a.m. -7 p.m ..
Friday: 7:30 a.m.- 4 p.m.
Also Open Football Saturdays r-------------------------, ! 20o/o OFF !
Also features Incense and
body ollls.
HAIR A MESS?
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E·ntertai n ment
Up Front and rockin'
by DAN FRIEDMAN
uR-1 Music Corre~pondent
Basic guitar riffs an<;l drum beats.
Local band The Front is really
nothing new.
But they feel that they have
something different to offer.
· The difference may not be the
musicianship. But guitarist and
backing vocalist Scott Owens said,
'We play straight forward rock and
roll."
·This, the band's members agreed,
is the big difference between The
Front and many other local bands.
Formed only two years ago in
December 1987, The Front is one of
the younger bands in the area. ·
Despite their young age, they said
they-believe that they can easily
. compete with the niore experienced
bands. They also point out that those
bands who are still playing in the East
Lansing area after five or more years
may need to reconsider what they're
doing.
Proof that The Front can compete
lies with a successful EP, What's My
Line, which has produced two singles,
"One For You, Two For Me" and "Look ·
Away." Each song receives frequent
airplay on WDBM. The band is looking
forward to entering the studio again in
the very near future to produce their
secondEP.
Comprised of former MSU students
Owens, drummer Ron Wellman,
bassist Blair Darling and lead
vocalist/guitaristTom Taylor, Th.e
Front adds more than just an EP to
their list of credits. The band played at
Don't let the name fool you, A Theft is more
A JHf fl r'-f~XF' ~
: --~--:- -
\ II I I I A
S A U l
Bf l l OW
A Theft
Saul Bellow
109 pages
Penguin Books
by AARON HALL
uR-1 Literature Critic
Saul Bellow's fourteenth book, A
Theft, may, as a result of its title,
cause you to think it is a mystery
. story. However, this story is about
much more than a crime or mystery. It
is a story about the transcendence
and enlightenment of a woman to a
higher state of love, com passion and
insight.
A Theft revolves around Carla
Velde, lthiel Regler, Gina Wegman
and Lucy Velda.
Carla is a wealth, goodlooking
women's fashion executive.
Born and raised an Indiana farm
girl, she now lives in ~ast paced New
York City. She has had a number of
problems in life and they are well
documented. She's on her fourth
marriage, has attempted suicide twice
and frequently visits a psychiatrist.
lthiel is a Washington political
advisor. He and Carla once had an
intimate relationship: lthiel even went
as far as to purchase Carla a valuable
· engagement ring. Soon after, however,
the relationship ended, though
they still love each other. Twenty
years and a combined seven marriages
later, they still confide in each
other, and see each oth·er often. Carla
is emotionally attached to the engagement
ring and has kept it, as it has a
special sentimental value to her.
·Gina is a young Austrian girl who
Carla hires as a maid and babysitter.
Carla, who has three children, is
especially fond of Gina because she
gets along very well with the children . .
Although she plays a minor role
throughout the story, Carla's daughter
Lucy is an important figure in the end.
Lucy is a "stout little girl needing help."
She often is ridiculed and em barrased
by other children. Gina develops a
special relationship with. Lucy, and in
the ef)d it is these two who help
· trans form Carla.
When Carla's precious ring is
stolen, she suspects it was taken by
Frederic, Gina's French, somewhat
sleazy boyfriend. The subsequent
Putting up a good front are,
who else?, The Front
uR-1 photo/DAN FRIEDMAN
last y·ears Spring Concert . More
recently they opened up for East
Lansing's ex-resident rastamen
(bop) harvey.along with funk,
reggae, zydeco mishmash Third
Estate at the Auditorium last
Monday, Nov. 20.
The band had a fair showing
at the Auditorium. Their approximately
45-minute set consisted ·
of songs from their first EP, and
several new songs. Unfortunately,
the crowd seemed rather
un-enthusiastic. This probably
can be attributed to the vastly
different styles of music between
rock/metal The Front and that of
headliner bop (harvey).
The band's show was
spirited with each song. Their·
poor stage presence between
songs often left the crowd, after
applause, in near silence. The
band's tunes were true to the description,
"straight forward rock
and roll." Each song was heavy
on guitar with a strong drum beat
and power bass lines.
Although the band performed
well, an opening slot for
bop (harvey) was inappropriate
due to the difference in musical
styles. It would be much more
exciting to see The Front at a
time with both the band and the
crowd can equally enjoy one
another.
actions, and the final return of the ring
help Carla emerge as a woman of
compassion and wisdom.
Bellow is clear and sharp, pointing
out striking details in his descriptions
of the characters and the surroundings.
There is also a touch of goodmannered
humor, as Bellow pokes fun
at New York City's style and pace of
life .
Bellow is at his best, though,
when stirring our emotions. Nowhere
is this more evident than in the last
scene, and in particular, the final
paragraph. Carla learns the details of
the ring's return and how Lucy was
involved. The fact that Lucy, in whom
Carla sees a lot of herself, was given
"something significant to do, and she.
was equal to it," overwhelms Carla.
She realizes the significance and
maturity in Lucy's actions, and the
important role Gina, whose morals
and goals Carla had begun toquestion;
played in them.An enlightened
and compassionate Carla is left
walking down the street, tears profusely
running down her face.
A Theft is a sensitive, touching
story that will, no doubt, move its
readers.
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