Title

University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 1, Number 18

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Creator: Futileefforts Inc
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
Establishment Reviews
Dr. Andrew Barclay
Out and About
Reviews - "Dope, Guns, and Fucking in the Streets (vol.1-3)"
Entertainment - The Parents
Date: March 7, 1990
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006356.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (14.57 MB)
Transcript: 7. March 1990
MSU's alternative
and truly
·independent voice
990
What's shakin':
More questions for
Dr. Sexl
Some Q&A about T&A. p. 8
othe ole Provoc gets surprised ... p.8
oEver expandingOut & About ... p.9+
~teal towels at The C/ydesdale ... p. 9
oHowl at Dog Boy... p. 1 O
o Music reviews start... p. 11
oParents interview... p. 12
"Velcome to the uR-1 ALL BRR edition, phaSe 11.
As we stated last week, this is just one more of our unceasing efforts to satisfy you, our glorious reader. Really~ only the
Provoc doesn't rever you beautiful people!
But back to the present.
We finish our look at 20+ EL bars this week, from Beggar's Banquet to Zeke's. With the utmost subjectivity, one of ()ur correspondents
who frequents a gig has reviewed it based on several criteria.
So check it out, and for a complete set of issues, stop by our Guns on Street offices (14a univeriSt ~ nEPOR TER-INTELLlGEN[
ER P)aza).
Cover: none
Entertainment: none
Theme: classy dlnnerjoint
Best Night: none ·
Age Requirement: none
CJ
Greek Quotient: doesn't apply
Location:.Abbott Road, down the
street from Rick's ·
Chow: full menu
Best Specials: none
Crowd: classy
Dress: classy, jeans don't cut it
Friendly Factor: low
Diversions: pinching the waiters or -
waitresses, but little else
The Straight Poop: This is a
classy joint with a great menu. The
decor is impeccable and comfortaple,
and the bar is low key.
This is a wonderful place to bring a
woman you want to impress and if
you want to depress your wallet.
There's steak, liver pate, wine,
cheese, and a variety of other
snaizy dishes. This is not, however,
a place to guzzle beer, pull
out your shirttails and tip tables and
chairs. As you should know by
now, the fight song isn't sung here
(and especially not at top voice).
But, hey, does every joint in town
have to be a joint?
Enjoy ...
.. 1 • lwl. 1111111:11111 JL
Cover: none
Entertainment: tvs,juke box
Theme: neighborhood burger bar
Beat Night:weekends
Age Requirement: 21
Greek Quotient: 9
Location: on grand river, by greyhound
and across from the AZD house
Chow: full menu
Best Specials: bucket o' beer
Crowd: fairly mellow, but with a tendency
to sing along with the juke.box
Dress: preppie to MSU sweatshirts and
jeans
Friendly Factor: medium to high (if you
have the cajones to approach folks)
Diversions: good juke box, tvs
The Straight Poop:Crunchy's is like a
Greek Peanut Barrel;they have good
burg,trs and fries that feel good going
down with a cold draft. Pitcher prices are
reasonable and the booths are a good
place to hide if you don't like sitting next to
a table of Staters enthusiastically belting
out the MSU fight song.
"Fight, fight, fightteam fight, etc."
Not too bad a tune, until everyone has
sung it and• American Pie" for the fourth
time.
But Crunchy's is a nice change from the
run-around E.L. bar scene and a good
place to get the night out of the blocks.
Grab a burger and a beer. The Giggles
Grapevine says lunches are pretty good
here, and in addition to lots of sorority
girls, you can run into MSU administrators
and DiB here every once in a blue moon.
Cover: none
Entertainment: no bands or
dancing
Theme: MSU's sports bar
Best Night: Thursday, Friday and
Saturday are not bad, might just
seem better ·~use it's not so
crowded
Age Requirement: 19
Greek Quotient: 8
Location: 131 Albert, one block
east of Abbott
Chow: full menu, known for Big
Ten sandwiches and nachos
Best Specials: extremely rare;
·best to go already buzzed
Crowd: conservative crowd with
decent ratio of M to F on Thursdays.
Good place this side of
library to scope. Not a serious
drinking crowd
Dress: Preppie in early stage of
night, more casual when other bar
patrons roll in
Friendly Factor: easy to meet
people if you know a few of the
regulars. Lots of people from your
classes will show up here
Diversions: lots of pool tables,
video games, tvs and basketball
1 The Straight Poop: Dooley's
doesn't carry much middle ground
among MSU students. People
who wish Ralph Lauren was never
born might want to avoid this bar if
:· ~e~ :. !he _Se~ond. Front P~ge, tor a cQ~ple'.~- ~~P.~rt _c~r~ 0'1J:L. e~t~bl~shfl'.le,l'.:lts ....... ";Jt':.·.!...~ rv.~.-::.. -,.:,_ ....... .J.A.i~~"i-f.:'1'.· .... ' .. ,, •• , ··-"-~._,J\i.. __ •• '-"':-' .. ... ~ (" ~,, ... ,'J>.:.~t' ..... ..t. v.tR• ·-..,.;./' ~-1.0 •• ~- 0 ·····~---· .. -~~ _)., ~~. ~ ""•·-·, ,,
2· university Reporter-Intelligencer 7 March 1990
preppies and so-called conformity .
bothers them. But in reality, the
majority of students at Dooley's are
your average Joas. Dooley's is
always is an institution you can count
on, and definitely the best place to
visit after a big MSU win.
If you're a pool shark this place is for
you, but get ready to bring a lot of
quarters since the regulars aren't
afraid to take your shirt right off your
back.
Money is important factor: : don't get
caught off guard by the free admission
to Dooley's; the place costs an arm
and a leg for the serious drinkers. If
muchies are to your liking, get ready
for the "Nachos on Steroids"; a huge
plate of nacho chipswith enough stuff
to make the biggest glutton smile.
So if you haven't been to Dooley's -
which puts you in a group with only a
few other people on campus - go
with your buddies and drop your
attitude at door. Have a good time.
................ ......
J!J~~·~:):::.:::.·.·::. :.
::::aa.r::::.:::1::::.::::::::::::::::::::::1::::::::::
....
.......... .. .........
.......... ·.·.·.··· · ···.·.
· ·· ······ ····
...... -.. ...... .:-:-:-:.:.:.:-:.: .:.:.:.:···
Cover: none
Entertainment: supreme excellence
in juke boxery, slide show all night, big
screen tv
Theme: if you haven't partied with us,
you've never partied
Best Night: any, really
Age Requirement: 18
Greek Quotient: 2 {mainly curiosity
seekers)
Location: 2700 E. Michigan Ave., just
past Frandor, on the left.towards the
Capitol as you pass 127 interchange
Chow: peanuts and stuff in vending
machine
Best Specials: cheap pitcher specials
early in the evening
Crowd: friendly, wild, rich, poor
Dress: mandatory
Friendly Factor: if you're tough, you
can get some
Diversions: Foosball, slide shows,
video games, tvs, pool
Ths Straight Poop: If your feet don't
stick to the floor and you can move
around, Mac's is a great place. The
beer flows and the lyrics to "American
Pie" and "Hotel California" fill the air,
but if you want to play something on
East Lansing's best juke box you
better be ready to wait until 3 am,
since the early birds get the tunes.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there
expecting to see Prince Charles. This
is a place only real people go.
And sometimes the real people don't
observe the best hygene - but they
play the damn bestest foosball you
ever saw! ·
This joint draws people from Lansing,
East Lansing, Jupiter, Mars, etc, but
beer makes everyone equal in God's
eyes. Oh, and the people like to meet
people of the opposite sex. Yes, this
is a place to get some, but what you
get don't always look so good the next
morning. But hey, they probably feel
the same way!
If you haven't gone to Mac's, you owe
yourself. -Bring lots of friends, because
the more the merrier here. Oh,
and as a bonus, Theio's is right next
door, so if you're sick of Top Dog this
is your salvation.
Oh, one last piece of advice - don't
do anything that might piss the
bouncers off. They are huge as life,
mean to badasses, think five-on-one
is a fair fight {one of you, that is), and
don't hesitate to stomp the shit out of
anyone getting out ofline.
So drink up and stay cool and your
ass will probably not be waxed.
See you there.
CAST ELLAN rs.~-~-:M
f[K ET ·-·
9.o R;-
S 'O
. FOODS
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· the university Reporter-Intelligencer
UJfinl!IJal"'o ©jgqJ:
casual, fun, go there
~@•"st /MJfraifj(!JJ@fl:
classy, not a place to get sm-ashed
&U0$®"3:
good food, good brew, good folks
&~•:
good music, dancing, good happy hour
©IM ©floU"r.t:
. go there for Margaritavllle
Pa eThree
©llcJotmCflojf "O:
Good burger and beer gig
®@@O(i}jf"O:
drop· your attitude at the door, bring cash,
and check It out
11•tmrdl3flo~:
great happy hour, lotsa greeks
lllllJ~rle &.u:
unpretentious, gross fun
©Olftl"e: . .
good food, d~ent drink prices
~D llflfMfl(j}{M}"e: ·
blue collar, good bar
ff'~l!Dfl~D:
great neighborhood bar for burgers and
beer
ff'oifo @'11JiJO~')f"f3:
Jotsa greeks, preppy, good happy hour
/Jf/U@fkrigs tdtmrwUrt:iltm ©iltl@:
live music, good beer prices .
llf};)(i} /Jf/U!YUtWll ©Mf/tiJ:
good drink prices, decent music, kinda dull
ft'Yd~nro4 hov~ a sof~ and
1 re!Spon!Sible SprrUrng Break
~§§Jfl!J@tmrlf3:
dancing, good Tuesdays
\ $UDw@rr ®®00i>rr ~0©@JlliJ: ·
·rock bar, metal crowd, good place to throw
I back beers and hear live bands
i
I
A m@ssago to you from MA.DD
Ingham County ChaptGr
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
1O17 East Kalamazoo, Lansing
487-MADD
t,vi(fJ .
Mo1Mt'."l'~.1
{ f-fJJAU-Y
fff.J.v t
t ... ·t.c.k. •.
Spring Break
In Sun Or Snow
* ~~
SHl~E THAT DULL HAIR
With Shades E.Q.
Conditioning Hair. Gloss
Call For
David Zumberg
at
337~ l l l4
Patrician Hair Fashion
.309MAC
• T !° • • • • • • •
$1H1i>OO ff'Oi>Uil@fl: .
unique, cfassy p\ace, good music
(/))$Cl ©§it!@:
.bad food, bad prices, older yuppie crowd
w~nUflJY: .
good trivia, good jazz, good place to relax
· , on the patio ·
~@fk@rlf3:
get your three-piece and check it out,
otherwise, deep-six this o.ne
the
Peanut
Barrel.
•Great Burgers and
Sandwiches
7 years as East Lansing's bes
neighborhood bar and
restaurant
4 • university Reporter-Intelligencer _ 7 Marc
Cover: none
Entertainment: none
Theme: it's a restaurant
Best Night: happy hour on friday is
cool
Age Requirement: none for the
restaurant, 21 to drink
Greek Quotient: 7
Location: grand river, across from the
union (bar is in back, with entrance a:t
alley)
Chow: full menu
Best Specials:· regularly excellent
mixE)d drink price$
Crowd: casual preppies
Dress: casual ·
Friendly Factor: pretty high in the bar
Diversions: pool
The Straight Poop: long-island-icetea-
loving folk comes to mind when
you think of the Olga's crowd. Happy
hour usually packs them in on Friday,
and Olga's is a good place to throw
down a solid meal and have a few
tasty drinks.
This is not a place to get screwed up
all night.
It is, however, a nice change from the
usual elbow-to-jaw East_Lansing bar
scene.
. . ..... .. ..... ·.·.·. ·.·.·.·-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:·:-:-.-:····.
Cover: none
Entertainment: jukebox, sports on tvs
located around the bar
Theme~ just your neighborhood bar
with great food and good ale
Best Night: any night is great for the
Peanut Barrel, but Sunday is a good
night to grab a bite, a beer, and lend an
ear to the WMMQ Blues Cruise
Age Requirement: none
Greek Quotient: 0-1 ("yuk, too many
common people go there, muffy!")
Location: on grand river, across from
Berkey Hall and next to kinko's
Chow: full bar menu
Best Specials: the food is the best
deal here; but beers are reasonably
priced
Crowd: you can sit next to your
professor, a guy in a softball uniform,
and a marine lieutenant from the
recruiting office down the.street and
enjoy a casual beer.
Dress: come as you are - unless you .
go by r. lauren
Friendly Factor: extremely friendly
folks, but you're not goirig to get any,
. here ·
and I er
recnpeacc. said their research had ,, .
'
'
To learn more about the role ofa
FrFe Press and how it protect.~ _vour
rights. call the First Amendmenr
Center al 1-800-542-1600
Hthepre~
didn't tell us,
. whowould?
- Diversions: tvs, jukebox, pool table,
video games, DARTS!
The Straight Poop: This is the place
to gp for a great burger, fries, beer
and.friends. The atmosphere is very
mellow, and the bar's owner and
waitresses make you feel comfortable
and important. Where else can you
go in town to grab a cheap hot meal,
play darts, hear great old tunes, and
swish down a St. Pauli .Girl Dark with
a lime wedge? ·
Nowhere, man.
· Best times to go here include after an
· exam, with a date who isn't too ·
uptight, and to start your evening off
on a satisfying first step.
Cover: $1 or more, depending on
night & entertainment
Entertainment: great live jams on
left side ·
Theme: casual, underground-·
drinking joint
Best Night: Thursday-Saturday,
great live bands
Age Requirement: 21
Greek Quotient: 4-5
Location: on Abbott Road between
Espresso Royale and P.T's -
Chow: Munchies from Mancinos,
subs & appetizers ·
Best Specials: 35-cent drafts
Wednesday night
Crowd: casual, fur:i people who enjoy
listening to tunes; a few brave ones
show their stuff on the "huge?" dance
floor.
Dress: anything goes
IT'S NOT JUST A BAR ....
IT'S AN ADVENTURE!
Wednesday Special:
$'1 .25 Pitchers
Also, Do Not Forget Thursday:
I ·"'II
A. public sen Kc R'K'ssage of The Ad Council ind The' Soc1et~ ol Prokssionat Journal1-.1~ ~
Ladie's Night- 50¢ Drinks
Sunday-Tuesday-99¢ Pitchers
2700 E. Michigan • 484-6795
.-- - - - - · - · ·- · -·~ - - ·- ·- - -- '·--· - ·-. -·-.- ·-. -· Hou-rs=·~-:---"· .___ --· 1
Complete hair care
and nail services
Mon. & Fri 9-7
Tue., Wed., Thur. 9-9 .
" Sat-. 9-5 .
*************************
$10.00 Off Acrylic Nails
Friendly F'actor:- high
Diversions: pool tables, video
games, TV l)Creens, darts and Pop-aShot
basketball.
The Straight Poop: Ricks is not the
place.to go if you want to "meet"
someone. If you want the scope
scene, Sensations is around the
corner. But if you're in the mood f~r ·
hot bands; cold beer and a great time,
. grab a c:e.uple friends ~nd come down
to Ricks! It has something fO!"
everyone.
For a conversation with friends, good
munchies or serious TV-sports action,
go to the right. If you want to shoot
pool, dance or just kick back and
listen t some of the best bands in E.L
· (J.D. Lamb, Souvenir, Going Public
etc ... ), go to the left and get ready for a
great night.
As my favorite hangout, I recommend
8icks for a good time. But remember
... the only thin9 you'll bring home
from this place 1s a great buzz ... or a
bruised knee from tripping up those
stairs after too many 35-cent (m)Old
Styles.
lllll./liJ©~ fM/liJ~Oao/JiJ
ltl\lli
·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·.·. I
I
J . the [@@IB efltair crJo. > : :: :ffiiiidftff$.~ ? ?
$7 .00 Off Perm, Color, Relaxer {Reg. $41 up) I' L;·.. ,.·. .; ;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;;;,;;;;~~. .......- -
*************************
************************* l 3040 Lake Lansing Rd. · ·
East Lansing, Ml 48823 ~7277 -$2.00 Off Any Student Haircut (Reg $10) -
J in Carriage Hills V/TTY _ • . _J
L. --··- · -.~-. -: ---- _ ___ . ___, .----,-··---: ~,.--. ~ r--- \,___.,.~:'-.. .... -.. -. ... -. -. .. :·~--
J
7 March 1990 ~ university Reporter-Intelligencer· 5
·:::mfi·e::::.:::::.::.::::::::::::::::::::::
.·.·.;.·.· ... :-.-..... ·.·.·.·· . .... .... .
_._._::!!!!-i!!ii!•ra:::::::::::••
:::::mate::::::· __ · ..
. . ...... . . .. -:.:-:-:.:.:-: -:-:-:-:-:-:-: . .. ... . .. :-:-:.:-:-:.:.:-: -:-:-:-·.·
Cover: none
Entertainment: none
Theme: casual, place to sit and drink
and talk ·
Best Night: Thursday
Age Requirement: 1 8
Greek Quotient: 4-5
Location: on corner of Albert and
MAC
Chow: full menu
Best Specials: pitchers of mixed
drinks for just over $5 ·
Crowd: casual, usually
upperclassmen tired of the bar scene
Dress: casual
Friendly Factor: a good place to
meet friends, but not a hook-up joint
Diversions: pool tables, video
games, TV screens, basketball
The Straight Poop: The· Riv is not
the most exciting place on the face of
the earth. In fact, it's downright
Yes, stagnation is the thing at the Riv,
but somehow I always find myself
Fri.& Sat., Mar. 9&10:
Souvenir
Tue., Mar. 13:
Dan Earl
101 E. Grand River Ave.
Home of The
Shark Bowl!
heading there on a lhursday night or
dull weekend.
I guess the great mixed drink pitcher
deal on Thursday draws me there, or
maybe it's the fact that I always run
into friends there. Or maybe it's the.
fact that Top Dog is just out back, or
maybe it's the f~ct that Pinball Pete's
is just below the joint? Then again, it
could be that there's no cover and
Rick's has gone to the dogs.
Whatever the reason, I always end up
at The Riv complaining about how
bored I am and drinking another ritcher. ·
wish I could figure out what spell this
place casts over me ...
tl~A
For Reservations Call The
HOT TIJB .HOT LINE
332-6318
(Located corner of Grove & Linden, near
Dooley's) r-----------, I $2.00 Off · I
I Your Next Hot Tub,Rental 1
I (with Coupon) I
I Exp. April 1, 1990 I
L Limit One Discount Per Visit .J
...
----------- GreBe!:f Hot it.:b f:xperloric·~
f€K>h.Hing 3 !n.1oor &
4 Ou1d-ocr ?rfvofo Tubt:
• Gift Certifh::ole£
~. Pmiy Rates Aval!ob l~:;
• Tanning Booths 8:
lonnir.g Acce!$ro1o!':t
WITH
Think
Coffee
?Z6 ABBOTI nor Beapr'1 Opn until l\tlda"
Cover: $3, more if bands are playing
Entertainment: MSU's main dancery
Theme: flashy disco scene
Best Night: Thursday night, Tuesday
with great specials
Age Requirement: 19
Greek Quotient: 3-5
Location: 131 Albert, below Dooley's
Chow: full menu
Best Specials: Tuesday night 25¢
beers
Crowd: younger folks
Dress: GO
Friendly Factor: extremely high, just
walk in the door and hit the floor
Diversions: a few video games, tvs,
large screen tvs
The Straight Poop: Known as a
"Meet Market,· where you go if you
don't want to wake up alone. This
perception isn't changed after you visit
the bathroom to see the interesting .
graffitti on the walls. ·The best part of
Sensation's is the dance floor, which
can accommodate hundreds of
dancers at once. For the serious
dancer, Sensation's is the only place
near campus where you can go and
consistently get down. The 25¢ drink
special~on Tuesday are key - go
with a group of friends and you're
guaranteed a great time. Going by
yourself in search of a warm body
often results in a case of "Frustrations.
· Since it's the only major dance
club in the area, the DJs continue to
play Top 40-12-inch dance selections.
Improvements would include diversify_
ing to play House and Rap and more
progressive genres that would attract
a larger part of MSU's student body
and transform Sensation's into a true
MSU dance club. All in all, however,
Senation's can guarantee you a good
time if you really want to get down and
dirty.
· - ftlJ Nl1llJJ61
H!lli!ll!!~il_-:.:: ·. ..
. :?1~11:~:~::::::1111/::::
::::1a.10.0.0.:::::::::::::::_ . . . . . . . . . . . ::::::::::::::::::::::::>:
Cover: varies, depending on the band
Entertainment: live music
Theme: metal
Best Night: any night a band is
playing
Age Requirement: 18
Greek Quotient: minus 10
Location: E. Michigan Ave., near
Brody .
Chow:limited menu ·
Best Specials: drink specials nightly
Crowd: metalheads, but cool
Dress: jeans and t-shirts - guys;
scanty - gals
Friendly Factor: medium, but don't
dress preppy unless you've got a
death wish·.
Diversions: tvs, bands, chicks, pool,
danCing
The Straight Poop: This place is
straight out <;>f the seventies, complete
with carpeting on the ceilings and
walls. Shooter's Pub has some good
specials, and bands from all over the
country come here to grind their axes.
From Steppenwolk to Bachman
Turner Overdrive to Diving for Pearls
and other up-and-coming bands.
This is definitely not your typical EL
. bar crowd, as folks from all over midMichigan
head for a loud time and lots
of drink. The folks in Jackson languish
as they sit green with envy ov~r
the success of the Sleasy D.
And don't forget the crowd. Without a
doubt heavy, metal-wise that is, but
there's nuthin like a bunch of metalheads
to hang out and get ripped
with. Just don't don the Polo.
332-6006 • 213 Ann Street, East Lansing, MI ·: ·---O--n--e- F--r-e-e- -L-i-t-r-e- ---·: .
: . of Pop . . :
I W / This Coupon • Exp. 3/28/90 · .1
·-----------------------·
'll'aearlay
free cover, 50e drafts
Werlraearlay
Ladies Night
Free Cover for ladies
35( cocktails for
everyone til 11
'll'i.ararlay
Beat the Oock Night
Bar Cocktails and Drafts 25(: 9-10 .
50(: 10-11
75(: 11-12
JFriiaya ••rlSa~riajo ·
75t cocktails: 8-10:30
.. \ \, -

~- .
Sararlaya
-Catt Liquor Night
45(: 9-11 .
The Silver Dollar Saloon and
Shooter's Pub is located between
Frandor and MSU's campus
Infor11Jation recording: 351-2450
7 March 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer· 7
Cover: none
Entertainment: giant screen tv
Theme: upper class, businessman's ..
joint
Best Night: none
Age Requirement: 21
Greek Quotient: 2
Location: University Place Holiday
Inn
Chow: appetizers
Best Specials: buffalo wings
Crowd: business folk, older dudes
with cash
Dress,: three-piece
Friendly Factor: neglible
Diversions: tv
The Straight Poop: Do you like to
pay a high price for drinks? Th.en
Zeke's is your place. They feature no
drink specials, but the entertainment,
that's what draws them in!
Nope, no eritertainment.
But wait, there are food speicals
during happy hour. Specials like 12
buffalo wings for $3.25, some special.
The best thing about this bar is the
giant screen tv, so you can see every
bead of sweat on Steve Smith's head.
The tv allows Zeke's to be a very lame
fascimile of a sports bar. The crowd
at this place consists of no students,
just out of town business people who
are away from their spouses for the
night. This is definitely not a people
meeting place - unless you are old
enough to run for president, or take
cash for services rendered.
There is one positive thing, though. If
you don't mind paying for it, their beer
· selection is extensive. In fact, if you
don't mind paying for it the clientele
isn't so bad either. But back to the
beer. Zeke's features over a dozen
domestics, as well as brews from the
West Indies, the Far East, Holland,
and Ireland. This is a decent place to
come and talk, because It's so quiet
you can hear every word spoken.
lfil n~J ' unn
· .._, .
Man11y Dot-To-Dot!
Can ·yo.u connect all
the dots in Manny's
face to reveal
anpther image of
him? Go ahead, try
I' t.i
Meet the Tiffer
If you've ever wondered who's
responsible for this mess, now's
your chance to yell at her.
uR-1 editor Tiff Big Dog .will take
your ravings from 10 am to 10:04
am, 1 pm to 1 :03 pm, and from 6:02
pm to 6:08 pm. She will find
someone who can answer your
questions about the paper, since
she doesni really know what the
hell is going on here.
Reach her at: 1-800-YEA-SURE, or
locally at 2YO-MAMA.
uR-1 editors will also be available by
phone all week, but they can only
receive one call a day and no
visitors, except for Thursday, and
then only if they've behaved the
rest of the week.
I~ CID IJ (ID l
..
1--
.
down
l. c
2. f
akro
1. m
*MORON
CROSSWF.RD
PUUZLE*
ooked
ood that qets
cooked
SS
ore than one
quv named after
s omething that
gets cooke_d
hin t: it's backward
2. nickname .of no. 1
akross
hint: it's not
backward
THIS WEEK's CLO: Dinty Moore Beef
·····~~~r~~···~~~s·!p~··········
..s~.~.e.n.~..s:..et. ..p.a 00~s :pt :sAaMs ue ~~ ............... .
Well, Mammie, er, ah, Ronnie, your inability to remember what transpired during your
tenure in the Oval Office has earned you Geek o' the Week dishonors - remember what
that means?
Regardless, It Is certain your eight years at the helm of the USA Titanic could've earned
you this dubious honor, but we weren't hare to keep tabs on you then. But your
videotaped testimony, aye, there's the rub - to be making and forgetting history all at
once! .
· A bon accompli, Ronni! .
Maybe your place In history ·Isn't all locked up (and· maybe you should be). Maybe It
.isn't in the stars.
Oh, by the way, we liked you with the brillo 'do better.
Glddyup ••• or la it ahuddup? -1
Dr.Andrew
·. Barclay
I llllli iil,i ; i ii 1'i,1i!!il i i~iiililii!!iiiil
Inquiring
11'.linds probe
dr. sex
Dear Dr. Sex:
I had been dating a woman for the
past six months. I thought we were
pretty good friends, at least until I
called one evening and her roommate
told me she had gone back to dating
her old boyfriend. First of all, I was
crushed and then I got angry. Now
that the anger is gone, I really miss
her, I dream of her, my heart races jf I
see someone who looks like her on
the street, in short, my life is miserable.
I thought I was tougher than
that. I thought women were the
romantic sex. Worst of all, the thought
of her in bed with her old boyfriend is
driving me nuts. How can I control
these unwanted thoughts and feel-
' lngs? Help!
_:_ Rick the Reject
Dear Rej:
Let this be a lesson to all the guys
who think se·x is an easy way to get to
know someone., There is ample
evidence in the psychological literature
that men are more romantic than
women even though women have
been though to be the "weaker" sex
for at least the past millenium ..
Weaker than what? Women handle
relationships much better than men.
They generally outlive us too, and I
can tell you that nature would never
stick weak people with having babies
because evolutionarily, it is too risky.
So watch it men!
What happens is that we -become
attachd to the woman we are with,
especially if we see them as sexobjects.
By attached, I mean we are
easily conditioned to attaching positive
feelings of the relationship, the
arousal, the joy~ the excitement to the
person acting as our object. In a
sense, we become mentally addicted
to that person and, when they are no
longer bonded to us, we go through a
withdrawal as profound as when we
quit using an addictive drug "cold
turkey."
Your experience on the street
shows conditioning at work. Here, an
object with a vague resemblance to
the conditioned stimulus sets off the
response associated with the missing
love-object. It will take a while before
the response settl~ down and begins
to show signs of extinguishing. One
day, many years from now, I predict
you wilrbe in a crowd behind a
woman who is wearing the same
perfume as your former lover and
BANG! You will go through the whole
emotional trip all over again. This Isn't
love, though, it is attachment plain and
simple, no different than what Pavlov
did with his doggie subjects.
What makes you human and
interesting is how you have taken your
rage which was aimed at this peson '
and directed it at yourself. That is why
the anger seemed to go away. It
didn't, it got turned into a sexual
fantasy of what she is doing with her
boyfriend. You are torturing yourself
with .these thoughts because you can't
get at'her.
Thoughts or feelings can't be
controlled any more than you can
control the weather. To begin the
healing process you are going to have
to express your anger and frustration.
Rip up your pictures of her and burn
them as you chant: "Burn bitch, burn.9
When no one else is around, use your
pillow as an object on which to project
violent feelings. Punch it while saying
her name, pound it, wrap your hands
around it and strangle it. Scream and
yell how you hate her, how you would
like to kill her. Ain't love grand?
. After you have squeezed out all
these feelings like the white junk in a
giant zit, go out and h,ave a good time.
Concentrate on the here and now.
Focus on your work, having fun with
your friends, · or whatever is going on
right at the moment but keep in mind
how good you feel to be free of all that
shit. As your self-esteem returns to
normal (because you have takeri a
powerful blow}, you will be able to
increase the length of the moment you
are focusing on, first to five minutes,
then ten, then an hour, and ultimately,
a day or a week.
Keep in mind what a complex and
interesting person you are and the
feelings will pass like a grey winter
week in Michigan. The sun will come·
out again, the sky will be blue, and the
birds will sing. Then you can do it all
over again but this next time, avoid
addiction altogether by not using
another person as your object, share
the relationship equally.
Dear Doc:
I could make it with any woman on
this campus, i'n fact, I have made it,
but I am still lonely.
- Peter Potter
Dear Pot:
Are you bragging or complaining?
Dear Doctor Barclay:
My boyfriend has a name for his
penis. He calls it Randolph and refers
to himself in the third person. Isn't this
weird??
- Trish
Dear Trish:
A lot of men have names for their
primary sex organs because they say
their D.ick has a mind of his own. I
know what they mean. Our unconscious
desires, particularly sexual
desires, can dominate conscious
forms of control leading to behavior
we may not understand or even be
able to control. I refer to this as a
case of testosterone poisoning
because it is the male hormore which
sensitises the head of the penis or
clitoris. When you meet a guy at the
bar, don't just ask for an introduction,
look down at his lap and say 'Who's
your friend?"
As a class exercise in the Psychology
of Human Sexuality, we .
would have the men introduce their
"friends.· Only one woman in the
eight yeras I did this had named her
sex organ - she called her vagina
"Fonda" - and when I asked was that
her whole name, she said "Nope. She
is Fonda Peters."
f J!Y~.J:.t~~~ .... ~n 't bl!!l~~!.Jl'J!.. tyke
Speaking of oily crap (like mom's sausage), isn't it
lovely how Exxon has struck again I
This time it was New Jersey.
Ahem ... ·
At least that's what my older brother, Syd, says.
And while we're talking about Pink Floyd, (blind) Pigs
on the Wing come to mind ..
the
Provocateur
It's not like there isn't enough toxic crap and pollutants
(the Nets and Bon Homely notwithstanding) to allow
us all to walk on the water in the Garden State without
Exxon's help, but the day after they were indicted on
multiple counts of negligence for the Alaska fiasco, the
losers dumped 25,000 gallons of crude into the already
gunk-filled waters of N.J. I'm starting to think that there
was some design flaw in the Exxon vessels - like where
did they find room to put a bar in each one???
Apparently ELPD has a new campaign out: u Just Say
Yes" to more police, and the (not-so high) rollers were all
over t~e news last week ranting and raving about how
crime statistics are up this year in beautiful metropolitan
EL and how they don't have enough officers to control the
rising incidence of crime.
What wasn't mentioned in the pitch for higher taxes
.(and· hence higher student rents) to pay for these new ·
officers was that the statistics are subject to some very
irrportant influences. The most likely reason that these
crime rates are up is not because there are more folks
puking and peeing their way down Albert Street, but
beqausetheir officers are not taking as may doughnut -
breaks.
David Scott was a hero to most - wait a minute,
we've used that one ...
But what do you snot jugglers know anyway?
Yes, it's I, the ole Provoc, ruler of the three-foot high
universe and a bad ass in my own right. And just
because you will be getting away from me for Spring
Break, don't forget that I'll be back to dish out more of my
peculiar brand of scorn next term.
By the way, anyone need an extra stud to accompany
them to Ft. Lauderdale ...
Nothing like a nice greasy pork sandwich in a dirty
ash try, right?
Well, just wait until you get home and realize the folks
aren't such a great stable of chefs after all.
But my mom isl
Yessit,and nowthat I've saved mybairlessposterior,
Don't you hate it when whiney old men get in trouble?
Don't you hate it when bosses overreact?
Don't you hate the way people grouse about the
smallest things for five minutes every week?
Well then, why are you reading this, you who-chokeson-
the-hair balls-of-others?
What's with this "all-bar crap" anyway?
Last bars I saw were in front of my playpen.
Did puke in there oncest or twicest, though, so I can
relate ...
Speaking of relating and relatives and all things being
such, I like the way Fill ~My Wallets, If You Would, Mate•
Collins ripped off Pink Floyd on his latest "effort.•
Some effbrt, too, er, but, it's incredible how "Wish it
Would Rain" sounds like "Wish You Were Here.•
Hell, I just got nailed for riding my bike in the street
last week. ·
But, as one officer was quoted: "Statistics, as you
know, are subject to fluctuations, and you probably should ·
not put too much Weight in these; they may be higher due
to our greater enforcement efforts.•
Tell that to your commander.
Let's hope the city council isn't like the board of
trustees, and they let people have some say before they
make a decision.
And nowthat I've had my say, hit the beaches.
And that laugh'you hear when you're shaking the
sand out of your undies just might be the ole Provoc ...
7 March 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer· 9
- . A East Lansing
s·iar
7 March: The Generals and The Front
1'4: Inside Out and The Blunt Objects
BoarsHead' Theater
8-31 . March: Painting Churches
The Green Ooo·r
Wed-Saturday: Toys
Sunday: Uptown Band
Monday: Blue Avenue Delegate·s
Tuesday: Capitol City Blues Band
Kresge Art Museum
now - 31 March: Andy Warhol: Fifteen Minutes
of Fame
l.andshartc
9- IO March: Souvenir
13: Dan Earl
t.anslng Art Gallery
now - / 8 March: Beth Van Liere ·
t.tghtfantastlc G(Jlle-ry
now -23 March: Dean Dab/ow
Rlr:tc•s
7 March: Taj
8: Freeman and the Chasers
9- 10: I-Tai
I I: Dan Earl
The Clydesdale
I 2: Mass Confusion
13: Turning Minnows into Whales
14: Water for the Pool
Rlverwallc Theatre
I 0 March: Be a Star
Sliver Dollar Saloon
7- / 0. March: Fire Department
·wharton Center .
7 March: MSU Glee Club- Great Hall
MSU Jazz Band II
8: MSU Concert Band
9: The Don Cossacks Singers and f)ancers of
the U.S .S.R. . . ·
I I: MSU School o.f Music Honors Concert
I 3: The Detroit Symphony Orchestra Salute
to Michigan Concert
: • :. : • j. •. I , : • .! • 1, ~
. . ' '. ~ . ~ '·_ i • "- :
The Arie .
7 March: the Best of our Ope'n Stages
8: Spaelimenninir
9: The R..F.D. Boys
I 0: Mick Maloney, Jimmy Kean, and Eugene
· O'Donnell
I I: The Chenille Sisters Childeren's shows
evening: Heather Bishop
13: Laura Nyro
Club Heidelberg
7 March: Guilt Parade with Forced Anger
I 0: Laughing Hyenas with Scrawl
Michigan Theatre
I 0 March: Laurie Anderson: Strange Angels
Nectarine . Ballroom
7 March: Genie and the Dreams
Power Center
I 2-1 6 March: American Contemporary
Dance Festival
including the Booger Pick and Roll
competition '(at undisclosed locations
throughout the undergraduate
library), there's lots more to do in
,4,4. _,/
by JONT
t'f. 8/MRSHf 11)
SRVS IT!S TI£ I'1111Klff' I
SfCOllD TI~ THIS lJl'GLER I.
TODRY THE KID THOW;lif I.IC UIS ·
HAS fAINTED. '1~
~
····O····U····T···.·a• n•d@ A@B@O@U@T @ · l.atln .Quarter Pullum's Plar:e
DE
. TRQIT . I 6 March: The Jesus and 9 March: Uni_versal Spectrum
· Mary Chain I 6: Devon I rte
. . .
Baker's Keyboard t.ounge
9- f O March: Rick Mprgif'za Quartet
. t 6- / 7: Straight Aheead with Marion
Hayden ·
Clutch Cargo's . (St. Andy's)
9 ~arch: Before or After with Synsynoi,
Braille Radio
I 0: Drama Rama with Picasso Tr:igger
_I 6: Tangent Image .
DIA
nOw-March I I: Pierre DuBoyte tnasterprints
Fox Theater
8-1 I March: Jerry Lewis
I.Ill's .
9-10 March: frank Allison and the Odd
Sox
The Majestic
9 March: De Dannan
I 0: Peter Case
·: I 5: The Bone Daddys with the Wayouts
Moby Dick's
9 March: Juanita McCray and her Motor
City Beat ·
IO: Rhythm Kings
Paychec .k's
8 March: Leather Gypsies with special
guests ..
. .. I 0: The Trash Brats with B.W.S. and
Cranford Nix
I GUiS5 HAVING A
MEART TAANSPLANTIS
A PRliTTV 816 OS:AL,
ISPECIALLV WMEN TMEV
U~E 4 /JOG MRART, 8UT'
..
:::::::::::::::::::::
. / :{/\\ (::.::. ::::::::::::::::::::::::;::.: .:::.:::.:.:.::.::.::.::.::.~r:.>.·:.:::.:.:v~:·:.:.:: ·.::.:.::::.:.:.
... .
111
lll~it ,
~Iii.I~
1111
Gaa ... 1 WAS F&8LING
GA&AT IN NO TIMI! ...
___,____.,..
The River Rock Cafe
8 March: The Larry McCray Band
15: Souvenir ·
The Ritz
8 March: Joe Walsh
9: Seduce with Murder City
I 0: Ace Frehtey
. I I: The Smithereens .
Taboo
IS March: DJ Jazzy Jeff and the fresh
Prince with Technotronic
The .J~D Club
8 March: The Orange Roughies with the
The Idiots
I 5: Missionary Stew with W atk the·
Dogma
7 March 1990 , university Reporter-Intelligencer .11
Reviews
Compilation disc a must-have
... . Dope, Guns, and Fuck~
ing in the Streets (vol.1-3) ·
Simply stated, this is one of the
best compilations of American bands
since SST's The Blasting Concept,
volume 2, which included Husker Du,
The Meat Puppets, The Minutemen,
Black Flag, Scratch Acid, Painted
Willie, and Gone In fact, Dope,
Guns ... is verlj reminicent of "The
Blasting Concept," at least in the historical
sense.
When SST released their f;iampler
(in 1986), they were at the top of the
independent label logjam, way ahead
of the pack. Now in 1990, labels like
SST and Enigma come close to being
considered majors, while SUB-POP
and Amphetamine Reptile are slowly
taking over the indie ranks. This
compilation features performers from
both SUB-POP and A.A labels,
including a few of the hottest bands
around - independent or major label.
SUB-POP bands, Mudhoney,
Tad, and The Lonely Moans, comprise
an important part of this vital
disc. Right now, they are the sound of
underground America. The slimydirge
of their music added to the
brutality (sometimes almost too
graphically); the. realistic lyrics make
an irresistable combo. This Seattle
sound is slowly infiltrating all facets of
cutting edge music. With the success
of Sound,garden, Green River
(R.1.P.), Mother Love Bone, Nirvana,
and even Ann Arbor's Big Chief,
oodles and oodles of new bands have
adopted the same musical and
societal stance. Whether this sincere,
almost reverent form of flattery
will be good or bad for the m.usic-biz is
yet to be seen, but it bodes well.
TAR, Helios Creed, The Cows,
and (Flint's) God Bullies are the only
bands of stature (not quite fame, just
yet) form Amphetamine Reptile that
appear here, on their (A.R.'s.) own
compilation. T AR's showing on the
tune "Antlers" is impressive but only
adds to the mounting rumors of a label
switch for them-to. Touch and Go
(who boast Laughing Hyenas,
Killdozer, B-H Surfers, and
numerous Big Black offspring) or the
aforementioned SUB-POP. Helios
Creed (formerly one-half of the band
Chrome) just turns your ears - not to
mention your mind - inside-outwith
his warpeder-than-thou guitar advqri- ·
tures: But, the God Bullies, all the
rage in some small circles of anti-pop
enthusiasts, are nothing more than an
early seventies Iggy poser, gyratting
and screaming to a band that sounds
like The Damned covering Cramps
songs, or maybe it's the other way
around, I'm not sure. But, really, to
give them credit, there is a certain
vulgar novelity to their act, which even
live held my attention for a good five,
six minutes (or however long their
soundcheck was),
All dime store analyzing aside,
Dope, Guns ... is an important disk for
the nineties. All the bands here
dominate the. underground scene and
deserve a listen. Even t.he lesser
known bands (check-out the U-Men,
Halo of Flies, and King Snake
Roost), add a little more detail the
picture of an America that is obsessed
with Dope, Guns and Fucking ifJ the
Streets.
-JEFF FIKE
uR-1 ..
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e!!!~!!lS disciplin~ Ea~t Lansing
uR-I music correspondent feel more like a woman. whats now The Parents? a mentality we grew up with, living
· JS: So, you're a woman Fred: Mutate? What does in small towns like me and Tommy
The Parents are a new trapped in a man's body? that mean? did.
wart on the nose of the East Chris: I'm a man who wants Adam: They all bought me a
Lansing music scene. to be a woman who wants to be a beer.
Loud, crude, obnoxious, and man. Chris: Tommy had quit Jusy
quite charming, too, the band is a \ JS: Would you say that you Say No, and he and Fred wanted
conglomeration of personnel from had a "band philosophy?" to form a band. And Adam and I
other area groups, but they aren't Fred: Other than · weren't basically doing anything.
a clone of the standard basement manhood? (laughs) Tommy: And I work with
fare to be found throughout EL. JS: What's your angle, youc Dave. I was drunk one night, and
Despite technical difficulties, gimmick? . asked him to play bass.
Chris, Tommy, Fred, Dave Tommy: There is no Dave: And I say, "oh yes,
and Adam played loudly and gimmick, just a thousand little Tommy."
quite coherently last Saturday gimmicks. We just want to put on a Tommy: We all knew each
night, crammed into a basement good show. oth~r. and just got together.
with what seemed to be Chris: We just want to have Chris: And then we got
unfortuantely, the entirety of East fun, and play in front of a lot of Tony, last week. ·
Lansing High. Well, it wasn't all people. This band· is going JS: Whars your gimll)ick with
youngsters that came out to see nowhere, has no future. Tony?
the Parents along with Just Say Adam: And we like itthat Band: IT'S NOT A
No and The Need . . Despite the way. GIMMICK!!
frigid evening, the place was JS: Tell me what you've all JS: Sorry.
packed with a crowd that seemed been involved in, musically. Chris: Tony is there to make.
to enjoy the debut performance of Chris: (laughs) Jesus, thars sure everything runs smoothly.
a band that will be sure to make a lot JS: So, is he your one-man
their presence known in the Adam: I was in Not, The security force?
months to come. Deans, and Pinwheel. Chris: NO! Tony's 'the fixer.
Chris: Back in high school, I He's Mr. Fixit.
JS: What makes you better ·
than all the bands currently
saturating the East Lansing area?
Tommy & Chris: We've got
balls and no one else does.
Fred: We're the only band.
JS: So what's with the ni.Jn's
habit?
Tommy: He's had a nun
habit for a long time.
Chris: I went to a Catholic
elementary school, and we had ·
nuns for teachers. In fourth grade,
·I stayed after school one day to
clean the erasers ...
Tommy: Lefs just say she
cleaned his eraser.
Chris: Yeah, lefs just say
that. As a souvenir, she gave me
this habit. You know, they have
like 20 different ones.
JS: So what you're saying is,
that you and the sister were
involved?
Chris: For one glorious
afternoon, yes. It's a souvenir of
my awakening, into the world of
manhood, which is basically what
this band is about You can see
why ifs appropriate for me to wear
a nun's habit-on stage.
JS: Sure, anyway ...
Chris: Plus, it makes me
was in a band and then Tom and I Adam: He fixes things.
were in Killer Orifice, a rap band. JS: Tell me about this
JS: A rap band? misogynist thing I've heard about.
Chris: Yeah, then-I was in Chris: Oh, thafs an
Ten-Minute Hate, which was a unfortunate misnomer thafs been
performance art type thing. placed upon us.
Tommy: I was in every Tommy: We love women.
band Chris was in, plus Disinfect, We love all women - short, tall,
Acid Sex Death Kick, and Just fat, small, retarded, dead, dying,
Say No. lying in the gutter. We love 'em all.
JS: What about you, Fred. Dave: Thafs got to be a
Adam: I was In Wally quote.
Pleasant, too... Chris: It is, but we're not
JS: You were not! going to tell you who ifs from.
· Adam: Yeah, for about six These two (Fred and Tommy)
weeks. have written all the lyrics. So I
Fred: I was in Strictly really don't have much to do with it.
Taboo, and then Head Cleaner~ · Adam: Very tongue in cheek.
Then I was in Lemmings for Chris: Thafs unfortunate,
about two weeks, with John because I've gotten all the ha.sSle.
Howard, who quit afterwards to JS: Well, you're. the one who
join a pussy dance band. has imparted all this woman-hating
JS: Oh, yeah:. stuff!
Fred: Thafs a quote. A (band laughs)
pussy dance band with Jim Chris: All we're doing is
Stone, a big fool. either commenting on things we
Chris: Yeah, Jim Stone, the see, or we're talking ... We're not
biggest pussy in the state of justifying or saying we believe in
Michigan, next to Barry Henssler. - this.
(singer for Big Chief)
JS: Let's stick tci'the
questions: What prompted you all
to get together and mutate into
JS: So, what does "rape a
girl, steal a car," mean? What is
that a comment on?
Chris: Thafs a comment on
Fred: Small, racist towns.
Chris: You seriously do see
an attitude where, "Yeah, rape a
girl, steal a car," to be crude ...
Tommy: All in a nighfs work.
JS: What song is that in?
Chris: "Sweet Little Girl~"
JS: Anyway, who do you
like? What do you· draw from?
Tommy: AC/DC. (many
~eah's!)
Chris: Adam and the.
Ants.
Ada-m: You can hear a lot of
that, can't you?
Chris: If we had the time, we
would look and sound just like
Adam and the Ants. I personally
want to be at the forefront of the
new, New Romantic movement..
Tommy: We draw from
anyone who has any balls.
Chris: It's too wide. We
could go on for days . .
Tommy: We do a .
Runaways cover - thaf s an atlgirl
band.
Chris: And, I sing a song
from a woman's point of view! Just
like Cheri Currie did.
JS: All .right. So, are any of
you personally involved? Or is that
just a ploy to create interest in the
band?
Chris: We're all kind of
involved.
Tommy: We're all friends.
Ch_ris: We're very Close.·
Fred: But we're not gay.
Tommy: We share women.
JS: So, if you had to make a
statement about what being in this
band is going to do, what would it
be?
(band laughs, and looks at
me mockingly)
Chris: Absolutely nothing.
Dave: A little beer in our
bellies.
· Tommy: If people want to
·think about something, thafs fine,
too.
. .And so concluded 111Y
interview with the Parents. They
may go far, or only a short way.
However, they'll probably have a
good time going, whatever the
distance.
Have you read the Provoc today? ... or written a question to_ dr. s~x? ... th~n get with the program, sam!
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