University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 1, Number 22


Creator: Crying Out For Help, Inc
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
Viewer Mail
"White Bread" by Matt Mullins
Dr. Andrew Barclay
Out and About
Reviews - Don Henley
Entertainment - The Walkabouts
Date: April 26, 1990
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006360.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (19.36 MB)
Transcript: -------- ----
Cff O
uR-1 literary supplement debuts, spread on WHITE BREAD... p. 8-9
26 April 1990
Vol. I
No. 22
MSU's alternative
and truly
independent . voice
What's shakin':
. A true·affront to
anything decent ...
Dr. Sex makes 'bail. p. 1 O
oRead other people's maA... p. 5-6
oOur columnists get you thinking... p. 7, 10
olmportant poser tips: FUN PAGE... p. 12
oour editor emeritus checks In... p. 12
o What l's all Out a About... p. 13
o Dog Boy lifts, um, shakes a leg... p. 13
Cancer favors college-age victims
One person every 62 seconds will
die of cancer In America this year.
That's more than one-half million
lives, according to a 1990 American
Cancer Society repon.
· While cancer strikes persons of all
ages, statistics show that the disease
Is the second largest killer among
women ages 15-34 and the founh
largest killer among men In the same
age group.
According to the 1990 Cancer
Journal for Clinicians, leukemia Is the
leading cancer killer for men ages 15-
34. The most recent cancer monality
statistics show that In 1986, leukemia
claimed the lives of nearly 800 men
ages 15-34, which accounts for about
20 percent of all cancer deaths
reponed that year for that age group.
For women ages 15-34, the
journal cites breast cancer as the
leading cancer killer. Statistics show
that In 1986, nearly 700 women ages
15-34 died from breast cancer, about
20 percent of all cancer deaths
reported for those women that year. -
These mortality statistics are
based on 1986 Vital Statlstic:S of the
United States. (see related chart)
Oncologist Dr. Clint Merrill, a
fellow at the Midilgan State University
Clinical Center, said that testicular
cancer ls the most common cancer In
males ages 20-40. However, he said
this cancer ls "90 percent curable.·
The American Cancer Society
report shows that during the past 20
years, the 5-year survival rate of
testicular cancer lnaeased. from 63
percent to 91 percent. The report
"An outstanding example of
progress ls the improvement in the
management of testicualr cancer in
young men.·
According to the report, more
precise diagnostic tools and staging
have allowed for a better selectlon of
use of combinations of cancer drugs
also has resulted in improved survival.
Today, the
fastest rising
cancer in both
sexes ls lung
cancer, which Is .
directly correlated
to smoking,
Merrill said. He
notes that It takes
about '1 o years of
smoking to
Increase the
likelihood of lung
detection and treatment.
But how does one know if they
have cancer?
Merrill said
there are some
general body
changes to watch
for to detect
cancer In Its early
stages. He said
to watch for
weight loss -
more than 10
percent of your
body weight:
This especially ls
true for lung
142,000 Americans
will die from
lung cancer this
year, according to
the cancer
society's repon,
which also lists a
history of smoking
20 years or
more as a risk
factor of lung
Mortality for the Five
Leading Cancer Sites in
15-34 year o~ds, 1986
source: 1~ American Cancer Society
cancer •.
disease and
leukemia, he
Merrill said
unexplained fever
or night sweats
are other advanced
signs of cancer.
He also suggested
people ·
watch for abnormal
or spontaneous
"The vast
majority of people
start smoking
before age 20, •
Merrill said. "But
once you've done
the damage, the
damage ls done.•
and Treatment
If the spread
of cancer Is not
controlled or checked, a life is lost.
However, health professionals say
cancer can be cured through early
detection and proper treatment.
The American Cancer Society
estimates that more than 42,000
cancer deaths that occured in 1989
could have been saved through early
For breast
and testicular
fo,und among
young men and
women - Merrill
said the signs
basically are the
"A lump or pain in the area Is a
sure sign to see your doctor; Merrill
Treatment for cancer can range
from: surgery, to remove the cancer;
radiation, a highly concentrated beam
of r-OOlation to kill cells In a localized
area:. chemotherapy, Injection of drugsthat
kills cells; or an combination of
"Cancers do have patterns,·
Merrill said. "But the way they act In
different people can vary greatly."
Merrill said this can be a source of
great frustration In some cancer
patients who may have kn<>Wn someone
who had the same type of cancer
but have received different treatment.
"Everyone ls different; Merrill
Aside from early detection, people
can help their own cause against
cancer through good nutrition, according
to Malja Zile, an associate professor
in the MSU Food science and
Human Nutrition Department.
"There Is a lot of evidence that
nutrition varies the Incidence of
cancer; Zile said.
Zile performed a study on rats and
Vitamin A that showed nutrition did
have some lnpact on the frequency of
cancer occurence.
"It works with rats In a specific
model; Zile said. "But who knows
what really causes (cancer) In human
Zile said to maintain good health,
fiber is •on the whole good.• But the
key, she believes, ls eating a balanced
Zile said she believes sometimes
that college students need to •go back
to the old farm ways of eating: For a
well balanced diet, s.he suggests
students, as well as all people, eat
foods including meat, eggs and fiber.
2 ·university Reporter-Intelligencer . , · 26 April 1990
From WARREN, p. 3
the world 'to receive an auctologous
bone marrow transplant, a procedure
where he Is both the donor and
recipient of the marrow. While his
battle with leukemia - cancer of the
while blood cells and bone marrow -
Is over, he knows many are not so
"When you're first diagnosed,
you're scared,· Seppala says. "When
;you talk to someone, I think you're
not so unsure: ·
Seppala says he was fortunate
enough to have support from a former
cancer patient while he was going
throCJgh radiation treatment, something
he also hopes to pass along.
"I think It'll help them to know
there's someone out there who's mad
It,· Seppala said.
Debbie O'Connor, program
director of the American Cancer
Society Ingham County Unit., says the
emotional trauma of accepting the
disease is eased with the support of
someone who has been there. ·
"(Cancer) all happens so fast;
O'Connor says. "(CanSurmount)
allows (patients) to get a better
Since CanSurmount was Introduced
to Ingham County last year,
O'Connor estimates about 20 volunteers
have provided support for about
25 patients. The program - the first
In the state of Michigan - also offers
support for families trying to come to
terms with cancer affedlng a family
From VISSER, p. 2
young adults through the mental
trauma of a cancer diagnosis by
volunteering with the CanSurmount
program for the Frandor branch of the
American Cancer Society.
Support Programs
Debbie O'Connor, organizer of the
year-old CanSurmount program,
which pairs recovered cancer patients
with newly diagnosed cancer patients,
said her organization Is looking for
college students who have gone
through cancer recovery.
'We're trying to get college
students Involved so that they can talk
to teenage cancer patients as well as
patients their own age; O'Connor
A support program for college-age
cancer patients was needed before
the American Cancer Society
launched the CanSurmount program
one year ago, O'connor said.
"That's why we hope that cansurmount
will fill the void; she said.
Besides CanSurmourit, O'Connor
said the American Cancer Society is
Involved with assisting the health
Nice House WI
Volley Ball Court
On Albert St.
332- 1356
education department at Michigan
State University In bringing the "Great
American Smokeour to campus.
Nancy Allen, health education
services ooordlnator at MSU Olin
Health Center, said the "Great American
smoke out• Is just one of the
things the health center offers In the
way of cancer education on campus.
The center recently sponsored a
men and women's health week - a
program that targeted different health
subjects - Including cancer, Allen
said. Materials on breast cancer were
malled to all women residence assistants
and sorority houses as part of
the week-long program, Allen said.
And Information on testicular cancer
· also was sent to all male resident
assistants and fraternity houses, she
Between the programs and the
Information brochures, Allen said
Olin's health educational services
distribute •a tremendous amount of
Information concerning cancer:
•news •op1rnon •
every week in
the uR-t
.,)/a;,,. ,4 Jrf eU?
Let Us Help You Out-C9me To
$9.00 Uni-sex Hair Styling
"II eut ~ flJP'IJceti~"
351-651 l • 549 E. Grand River
(next to Confection Connection)
M-F 8am-7pm •Sat 9am-2pm
Residence Halls Sign Up for Fall 1990
- ON-CAMPUS STUDENTS Planning to change ha Ila
Pick up tranafer carda from your current housing ~lark
Thu. April 26 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m.
Fri. April 27 and Mon. Apr. 30 8:30 a.m.·4:30 p.m.
Sign up for Residence Halla on Wed. May 2 and Thu. May 3.
Application must first be made and a houalng application fee of $25 paid at the
Residence Halla Asalgnmenta Ottlce, University Houalng Bulldlng on Service Road 365·7460
8:30 a.m.-4:'30 p.m.
The Houa,lng contract la In attect for th• entire academic year.
Retumlng atudenta muat algn the houalng contract when making • room reaervatlon.
Spring-term graduate• are ellglble to reaerve a apace In Owen Oradu•t• Center.
Roommate requeata:
On-campua roommate requeat• muat have paperwork completed by May 115.
Roommate choice• of atudenta currantly llvlng ott campua or new to the Unlveralty wlll be honored If their
houalng appllcatlon• are on file In th• Realdence Halla Aaalgnmenta OHie• by May 115.
Canc•l/lng I ,.Hr¥1t/On IUfOm1t/c1//y Canc•/s 1ny fOOmm1t• tequHt.
Voluntary trlpl•• cannot be reaerved during algn·up.
Space cannot be reserved In more than one hall. Appllcanta may maka a change after cancelllng tne first raaar,,atlon In person.
Buying, aelllng or algnlng over housing apace la • violation of the housing contract and the University f9-rv•a
th• right to cancel any reaervatlon• mad• In thl• manner. · .
Canoellatlona of fall tann reee,,,allone and contract• muat be made llf Au9. t. ltullente that de net cancel their ree...,,allofte
lllr that date and anrall far olaHH wlll be flnenolallr r9epenellll• aooenlln9 ta t"8 tann• ef Illa heueln9 -tact.
Ten Leading
Causes of
Death, 1986
A~ aes 15 - 34
Male Female
All Causes All Causes
71,060 25,399
Accidents: Accidents:
28,977 7,904
Homicide: Cancer:
9,806 3,548
Suicide: Homicide:
9,726 2,620
Cancer: Suicide:
4,171 2,105
Heart Heart Dis-
Diseases: eases:
3,214 1,573
Cirrhosis of Cerebrovas-
Liver: cular
836 Diseases:
Abuse: Cirrhosis of
790 Liver:
Diseases: Pneumonia,
632 Influenza:
, Pneumonia,
Influenza: Congenital
618 Anomalies:
Anomalies Diabetes:
531 347
the university Reporter-Intelligencer
Page Three
The Second Front Page
College students battle cancer
Student: Cancer made Law school student
me a stronger person
ev MflAM S.rrH ·
Doug Warren bounds toward the
door,.his face aglow with the exuberance
of newfound
his lanky
frame as he
the opportunity
to tend to
life's most
trivial matters
- like
opening the
settling back
Into the
MSU graduate
of journalism
- relays
what would
be considered
a horror
story to most
students: his battle with cancer.
But while describing his battle with
cancer, no shadows are cast over
Warren's face. No glimpses of the
emotional and physical pain he admits
he endured. Instead, he sits grinning
at the memories while espousing his
new-found philosophy on life.
"I feel that I'm a stronger person,
like something my Dad said to me
early on, he said 'You know, once you
take on this, once you beat it, you can
do anything you want;• says the
student. "Once you dlmb Mt. Everest,
you know you can climb the smaller
Now Warren has only to tackle
mere foothills because he believes the
worst Is over. He says he still has
some scar tissue In his chest that is
being monitored very closely, but feels
relatively certain he has conquered
Warren goes in for check-ups
once every three months, but after
enduring chemotherapy and radiation
treatments for his Non-Hodgkins
Lymphoma that lurked in his chest, it's
a breeze.
"It's (cancer) still dose enough
that I still think about it,· Warren says.
"If it comes back, then I'll deal with it
"You never know whaCs around
the next comer; he adds. "You know,
I could be killed in a car crash:
Adopting a positive attitude after
overcoming a life-threatening disease
may not seem all that startling, but
Warren's never-ending hope was what
enabled him to persevere, he says.
"There are a lot worse things that
could have happened; he says.
"There's a lot of pain in the world,
unfortunately. I'm just fortunate things
are going well now.·
Warren recalls that while his
emotions never failed him, there were
times when he had to entlure great
discomfort, like waking up after a
biopsy and experiencing a searing
pain in his chest.
Cancer left its mark physically as
well. Warren says he lost all of his
hair due to chemotherapy and experienced
numbness and weakness'in his
ankles and feet. But these were only
pesky side effects on his road to
"Yeah, I lost my hair, so what?" he
says. "I figured, it'll grow back:
Warren says he compensated for
his lack of hair by at least being stylish
and wearing a bandana on his head.
"Somebody said, 'Yeah, it's
fortunate those (bandanas) are in,'" he
Warren believes his lively sense
of humor and abundant spirit that so
successfully propelled him past a lifethreatening
situation can be used to
help other cancer patients. He hopes
to offer encouragement to others
through the CanSurmount program
offered through the American Cancer
Society Ingham County Unit.
Scott Seppala, an MSU linguistics
senior, Is doing just that.
After overcoming leukemia in
ninth grade, Seppala said he wanted
to pass on his mental survival skills to
patients diagnosed with cancer so he
joined CanSurmount. - a one-on-one
visitation program for cancer patients
provided by former cancer patients.
Seppala was the eight person in
See WARREN, p. 2 .
battles cancer and wins
· More than four years ago, Sandra
Visser had to drop out of law school
after being
with cervical
cancer and
told by
doctors she
had only six
months to
she is a
attorney in
Charlotte and
counsels other young adults through
the mental trauma of cancer.
It was three days before Christmas,
1985, when Visser received the
news that would reshape her life: She
was diagnosed with the first of two
bouts of cervical cancer.
At the time, she was attending
Cooley Law School. She said the
news felt like being buried alive.
"After the first diagnosis, I went
through surgery; she said. "And because
of the Christmas break, I
missed only three weeks of classes.·
After successfully fighting cancer,
Visser's doctor told her to get right
back to living her life.
However, that was not so easy.
Visser said her law school administration
suggested she hold off school
for awhile.
"I had to get aggressive with the
administration,· she said. "I didn't see
a medical degree on (the
administrator's) wall.·
Through her experience as a
cancer patient who faced some
difficulties in pursuing her education,
Visser said that if school Is something
other cancer patients want, they may
have to fight for it. ·
"The administration will try to work
something out that is best .for them,·
she said. "Don't let that happen.·
Visser's tough efforts with the administration
paid off as she continued
with her education at Cooley.
But four months later, her course
of plans changed. The cancer reoccurred.
This time, Visser had to put school
on hold Indefinitely after being told by
her doctors that she had only six
months to live.
"I was diagnosed again and went
through six weeks of radiation therapy
and six months of chemotherapy,·
which apparently killed all of the
cancer cells, she said.
Visser had won her battle with
How did she do it?
Early detection helped save
Visser's life.
Before being diagnosed with
cancer, Visser said she had most of
the early warning signs associated
with cancer.
"I experienced the weight loss,·
she said. • ... and I had the (typical)
bleeding ... and finally, just unexplained
Visser said she thinks it is Important
to get regular check.:ups from the
family doctor.
"More importantly, be aware of our
own body; she said. "And when
something Is unusual for you, even if
it's something minor, make sure you
have it checked out.·
Through her experience with
cancer, Visser said helping out a
friend or family member diagnosed
with cancer can be uncomfortable.
But just by offering to do anything will
help, she said.
· "I would just be available to be
there; Visser advises those who have
friends or family members with
cancer. "The people going through It
know you're uncomfortable, so it's a11 ·
right to act that way."
Visser said that her cancer
experience has changed her perspective
on things.
·rm a much stronger person than I
thought; she said. "As much hell as I
went through, I wouldn't trade the
experience for the world."
Visser said she notices more
people these days who complain
about every little petty thing going
wrong in their lives.
"Despite that some tings still
irritate me, I know that I'm happy
overall," she said. "That's the important
Visser, now 34, counsels other
See VISSER, p. 2
4 • university Reporter-Intelligencer 26 April 1990
Experts: Lipnty~~!!.ism ~~ .. ~J~~!..~raJrec~!I!!,~~!!~
by TIM Su.vERTHORN Though liberal ideologies are demise. But attitude data indicates he would by 1981, Rohde said. But
uR-1 issues coFR:SPON>ENT under attack around the world, the that voters didn't become more after that, he noted that Congress put
Despite American voters' decisions
to put conservative Republicans
in the White. House for the past three
terms, area conservatives, liberals
and experts agree that liberalism still
And the Humanist community of
Michigan State University is doing
whatever it can to make people aware
of that, says HCMSU Vice President
Teresa Weaver.
In an attempt to make the MSU
community aware of the personal
freedoms and civil rights that liberals
have continually fought to protect,
HCMSU last Thursday sponsored
"Liberal Day.," Weaver said. The
· group wanted to remind students and
East Lansing residents that liberals
are still around.
"We just wanted to counteract
some of the conservatism on campus,"
Weaver said.
The 1988 Presidential Election is
what prompted HCMSU to sponsor a
"Liberal Day," Weaver said. More
specifically, it was the use of the word
"liberal" by Republicans during the
campaign that led the group to
sponsor the event.
"They made liberal sound like a
four-letter word ... and we wanted to
show that it wasn't," Weaver said.
"I would like to say that liberalism
and socialism are dead after the last
election, but that Isn't so,· says
Lucinda Clark, president of Ingham
United States is moving toward a conservative in the 1980s than before, an end to the early conservative
more socialized society, Clark said. he said. victories in Contra Aid, increased
The trend toward socialized medicine, "That isn't to say that the elector- defense spending, industry deregulashe
noted, is one example. ate isn't conservative, but it happened tion and social spending cuts.
"It is absolutely clear that the
outcomes of the presidential elections
in the 80s were misinterpreted to
mean a conservative move on the part
of the electorate," says David Rohde,
an MSU political science professor
who studies voter behavior.
Rohde blames the media for this
misinterpretation. He noted that in
1988, nearly 60 magazin~ news
even way before (former President
Jimmy) Carter, in the late 60s, •
Rohde said.
Though conservatives have won
presidential elections, Rohde points
out that Congress is still liberal.and
has consisterifly defeated the
President's agenda
"Conservatives won the war but
lost the battles,· Rohde said.
Reagan's Federal and Supreme Court
nominations were his only lasting
accomplishments, he said.
Republican victories in presidential
elections indicate more an unwillingness
to vote for a Carter, Walter
Mondale or Michael Dukakis than a
desire to elect ·Reagan or Bush,
Rohde said.
Dukakis' mistake during the 1988
presidential election was failing to
counterattack the Republican criticism
revolving around his liberal stance on
different issues, Rohde said. Dukakis
, he believes, should have admitted
earlier that he was a liberal and then
played on the strengths of liberalism.
"Mike Dukakis proved that as far
as running a campaign is concerned,
he's as dumb as they come; Rohde
James Williams, former president
of MSU College Republicans, believes
Dukakis' defeat was directly attributable
to a negative campaign run by
GOP Chairman Lee Atwater, Bush's
campaign manager.
Zolton Ferency, an MSU criminal
justice professor seeking a Democratic
nomination for the State Senate,
See EXPERTS, p. 11
Liberalism regains lost ground in U.S.
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary
defines "liberalism· as:
"A political philosophy based on
belief in progress, the essential
goodness of man(kind), and the
autonomy of the individual and
standing for the protection of political
and civil liberties."
Most Americans would find it hard
to dispute the intrinsic worth of
liberalism, thus defined, and would be '
in general agreement with its underlying
Why then, has the"L" word
become a useful political epithet to be
hurled at one's political opponent?
Why is there now an expectation
among conservatives that Immediate
political gain can be derived by
attaching the liberal label to a political
The answers to those questions
can be acquired by analyzing and
understanding the political ferment of
the 1960s, the time when the attack
on liberalism found an opening that
could be exploited. The social and
political upheavals caused by various
•movements• of the time such as civil
rights, women's rights, lesbian and
gay rights, environmentalism and
peace with economic justice, generated
considerable confusion and
undefined fear among those who
looked upon the emerging political
and social pressures as serious
threats to their ways of life and wellbeing.
Political conservatives, religious
fundamentalists and others on the
extreme right fringe of American
society were quick to condemn those
early and somewhat successful
challenges to the status quo as the
work of political and social radicals or
wor5e. Tho5e giving a sympathetic or
even attentive ear to the urgent calls
for political and social change were
tarred with the same brush.as the
conservative extremists saw and
proclaimed it, only liberals, especially
the "bleeding heart• variety, could
possibly stomach what was happening
to America. The liberals were put on
the defensive, and, until recently,
remained there.
But, as always, in the words of the
lyricist; things, they are a-changing."
The political dogma of the conservatives
has been revealed as being
false. Anti-communism, for example,
is dead, killed not by the work of
reactionary conservatives, but by the
hand of a Soviet leader. Corporate
America, the erstwhile paragon of
economic virtue worshipped by
conservatives and nurtured for years
by a bloated Pentagon budget, has
been exposed as greedy, corrupt and
dangerous to the environment.
Human b8ings relegated to
second and third class status are
better organized than ever before and
can no longer be completely Ignored
In the U.S. Congress and state
Ironically, the pendulum has
swung so far that liberal forces,
sustained by earlier victories in the
federal courts, now recognize that the
U.S. Supreme Court has become the
last refuge of conservative scoundrels
and new battlefields are being staked
out in the legislatures to protect earlier
gains and to achieve new ones.
Liberalism has regained ground in
America because in their heart of
hearts our people believe in progress,
the essential goodness of our neighbors
and the need to be ever vigilant
in the protection of civil and political
liberties. If our people are given the
facts and sheltered from climates of
political hysteria, in the long run,
liberalism will always prevail.
- Ferency, a man familiar to
Michigan voters, Is an MSU criminal
justiu professor, and a candidate
for the Democratic nomination for
East Lansing'• state senate seat.
He is a well-known gadfly and
former chair of Mchlgan's Democratic
26 April 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • 5
this week the uR-1 is
dedicating two pages to
oddS and ends we've
accumulated over the weeks.
While we can't always frt all
the letters we receive as
quickly as we would like, we
will print everything we get.
The bottom line remains ...
... so please. send letters to us no longer than 250 words (unless
you're praising us), typed or written neatly, and signed.
WE PRINT EVERYTHNG WE RECEIVE, so don't send anything you
don't want everyone to read.
We welcome and want your letters!
And if something really grinds you, write a coumn about it. Just
send a photograph with your essay to: 142 Gunson, E.L., 48823.
Keep these letters coming, by all means!
Dear Managing Editor Baldas:
I saw your paper for the first time
today. I was very impressed. Your
article and editorial on The State
News walkout cought, and held my
In the twenty years I've read the
News, It's struck me more and more
that it doesn't really cover Michigan
· State. Nor is It news, really. Much of
it is handout journalism. More than
that, It is terribly short-sighted. A
quote in your article said It well:
"Theyre basically a bunch of white
kids raised in suburbs who don't
The News missed this power play.
The News is a sad joke because
students with Insufficient experience
sail out to battle deadlines everyday,
having little Idea of long-term strategies
and a minimal sense of MSU
history. Their situation is not helped
at all by the few permanent administrators
of the News, who could, but
never do, say: •Being the biggest
American campus paper doesn't
mean we're always Number One.·
artwork (apparently)/Herrgood Morals know .. : Yes. They don't know
MSU's essential realities-the concentration
of power In the glass box
on the river by the falls-they don't
know the nitty-gritty of department
politics in a shrinking State, don't
know even big stories to come. For
example: the parking mess on
campus Is rooted in MSU's original
north-of-the-river locale. An underground
parking lot inside Circle Drive
is being seriously considered. But the
News does not foresee this. For
another exampre: the sports establishment
threw its weight around and
the Breslin Center was built where the
new Museum had been projected~
True news sees what is and what
Small wonder there was a walkout.
Rot at the center gets felt at the
edg9$. Small wonder the News and
MSU's School of Journalism hardly
know each other. Small wonder your
own paper Is a weekly. News cannot
be understood and written by reporters
who must beat the daily clock, like
The State News, without time to think.
Nerd upset
Dear uR-1:
The following shocking scene was
. witnessed last week by yours truly,
Herrgood Morals. The naked man,
we'll call him u.R.Streaking, was
exiting your 142 Gunson Street
address at two o'clock in the afternoon.
A group of giddy young men
filmed his jaunt. This sort of escapade
could ruin your upstanding position as
"voice of the community.· Please take
the appropriate measures necessary
to eradicate these problems of the
Yours easlly,
He"tJOod Morals
P.S. l'm-glad-l'm-nofU,-slimesniffer!
Now we know why you're not
called Herrgood artist/
might be, not just being a reaction.
That's right, Spuds, life's a bitch and then y.ou are one.
Thank you for your work. You've
gained a regslar reader:
Yours sincerely,
David Jann
M.A. student, American Studies
Baldas, nor any other uR-1
employ99S, are related to Jones.
And then you are one wearing sun glasses, a tuxedo, roller skates, etc.
We understand that you can't control your own destiny, but what about biting the hand
that feeds you once In a while, eh? For your failure to stand up on your own four feet
you earn Geek o' the Week dishonors.
For shure, soon you will be all over everything again - Including the Provoc's
sunglasses. We are so sick of your debauchery and rug wetting that serious thought of
spiking your brew has crossed our minds many a time.
Cat nip should do the trick.
Our one hope?
That you get neutered and there'll be no more little Spuds.
Yep, you might say we prefer our Spuds dry.
6 • university Reporter-Intelligencer 26 April 1990
Gas from .hemp!
Dear Editor:
I am writing on a subject that is of
the utmost importance to our day and
age. And that is the energy crises,
which began in 1974 when I was
We have not yet found a viable
energy source other than petroleum to
fuel our automobiles. Except for this:
Methane gas made from hemp.
Mainly because Hemp grows better
than anything else in the world as a
farm crop. Through bio-mass conversion
of organic materials from farm
production, simply a crop of hemp, we
could supply the need for methane
bottle tank gas enough to ~a&d all of
our cars, which now use gasoline, a
non renewable resource.
Believe, me, hemp grows so
prolifierously that we could use the
farm production ot'lt to supply all of
our energy needs, simply by using it to
fill a bio-mass conversion pile of
organic material.
This is when the crop of hemp is
harvested at a height of approximately
ten feet, and it is ground up and
placed in a box with alrholes and
airhoses running through It. Soon, the
pile of compost will decompose and
these millions of tiny bacteria consume
the organic material and emit
methane gas from their digestion of
the material. ....
Then a "gas compressor pump• is
connected to the pipes In the pile and
·the gas is pumped Into a bubble bath
barrel-water tank cooler, so as to cool
the methane before gas compression.
Then another gas compressor pump
draws t'1e gas out of the cooler and
injectt; l into gas bottle tanks that are
availai>i ' fo~ a car or truck to be
It i; t simple farm production
systen , Lnd would be easy enough to
convert · > using. Of course, this
would ::. use another agricultu~
revol11.k , when the source of energy
control f; switched from the city to the
country Also, there ls the consideration
o: t tklng up available farm land.
But ttie 1, why not a bushel for a
I t- 1ve been studying this problem
of tte anergy crises for over ten years
and I .>elieve this is the solution! And
thar , .merican farms would be perfect
for tt e methane produdlon because
hHr p does grow better than anything
el31 in the world.
Unfortunately, It Is now Illegal, and
VIC Jld have to be regulated, authorrz.
i d, and controlled by the govern-
" ant if it became an acceptable .
~.>urea for producing energy.
I feel that methane gas made from
hemp Is the solution and the best
source for energy, especially since
green plants are our most efficient
form of solar energy on the planet ..
Also, I would like to thank Mr.
Harold Bate of England for pioneering
the use of methane gas for transportation
fuel cars.
Sincerely yours,
David E. Rivard
Although we don't want to
beat a dead horse, for
those who followed the
regarding Dr. Andrew
Barclay's column on rape:
. Dr. Barclay, through the
uR-1, Is making avaJlable
documents the doc says
support his conclusions.
They are available at our
Gunson Street offices, or
by mall If you Include an
We again Invite anyo,ne
with an opposing
viewpoint to write us a
letter or column on any
And, as always, Barclay
(In his guise as dr. sex) Is
waiting for your
Send them to him or to
the uR-1.
Keep reading and writing I
Act now to preserve your freedom
Mc Wiiiiams
Wrth reforms in Russia recently,
many see a bright Mure for the ·free
world. We would like to think that the
Russians have come to our point of
view, and now support liberty and
freedom because of America's
influence. Was Gorbachev's decision
based on America's fine handling of
these precious human rights? Or was
it based on the fad that if producers
are not allowed to enjoy the fruit of
their labors, they simply won't
produce. Russia's aSatellite
Republics· are expensive to support,
especially when no one in them, or in
Russia, works to create the ·products
they all want and need. Like a lazy
teenager, they are being kicked out to
fend for themselves. And yet, this Is
simply all the founders of our country
wanted. The right to live your life,
think what you want, and enjoy
whatever you do with that life.
The creators of America
recognized an Important dilemma; In
order to guarantee these simple,
important rights, someone had to be
given the power to fend off outsiders.
However, human nature being what It
is, the holders of any kind of power
will tend to use It against their
countrymen for their own Interests.
The Constitution was an experiment in
policy, designed to balance the only
enemies of human freedom and
liberty: Outsiders, and Government.
But look around you. The
Government, whose sole job Is to
protect our rights, spend$ most of It's
time taking them away! Income Tax
(Government Theft), and Inflation
(Government Counterfeiting) are
destroying our right to enjoy the
products of our labor. The Flag
Burning Amendment will preserve the
"National Symbol,· while
simultaneously destroying one of the
basic rights for which It stands. The
FBI are all hard at work to take away
our rights to life and liberty. And It's
all being paid for with money stolen
from you and mel
The Declaration of Independence
states that io secure these rights,
governments are instituted among
men, deriving their just powers from
the consent of the governed; that
whenever any form of government
becomes destructive to these ends, It
Is the right of the people to alter or
abolish It, and Institute new
Well I sure as hell don't consent.
Do you?? I say the time Is now. The
experiment has been good, and we
have learned what to avoid. But we
must make changes very soon to
create some fundamental limitations
on the power of government here at
home, or face the continuing •creeping
totalitarianism• that has only one
possible result.
Complete loss of freedom for us
If you've noticed that •our"
government Is horribly twisted and
sick, and you want to start doing
something to fix these gross abuses of
power, call me or write me care of the
The sooner we start, the sooner
we can all get our freedom back!
McW.lam' lhoufllll wil n.n teg.ilarly;,'
lhe dU. N you wish to 'Write him or lhe
edfOIS. send yoc1 corrmpondence to:
1'2 Gunion SI., East Lan.Ing, Y
equd .,ace for opposiig viewpo.hls is
~ Mlccmeand avcJdJle
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
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26 Ap.til 1990 · ·.. · . . university Reporter~lntelligencer • 7
On my 25th birthday, January 13,
1989, I had my first biopsy surgery
that told nothing about the mass
shown in all the x-rays of my chest.
Two weeks later, I had my second
biopsy surgery at the Cleveland Clinic
where they found I had a form of NonHodgkins
Lymphoma Cancer.
At a time when some of my ·
friends were starting careers, and still
others were worrying about getting a
good grade on a paper, I was suddenly
faced with the most basic of all
challenges. Survival.
I could write for pages about how
the chemotherapy (anti-cancer) drugs
swelled my feet and weakened my
legs so much I felt like falling each
time I walked, or the same for my
hands so I couldn't write, or losing all
my hair, or not being able to eat one
week because of the pain In my mouth
Cancer battle.ends in victory
and new appreciation of life
and throat, or my veins being so hard
that the nurse had to stick the I. V.
needle five times into my hand before
i.;he got it right. What I would like to
do, though, Is tell you a couple of the
many things I have learned from my
fight with cancer.
Achieving any worthwhile goal
takes hard work. My fight with cancer
worked both my mental and physical
facilities, but the results were well ·
worth it. Things are going well for me
today and, in the long run, I'm a
stronger person for having gone
through such an experience.
Knowing someone with cancer
can be a tough situation to deal with
for both friends and family. The best
thing to do is offer support, and then
follow through with It. Fortunately, I
had friends and a family who were
there when I needed them most.
Having a friend come over to .talk
about nothing In particular can be just
as helpful as any cancer drug. My
family and most of my friends didn't
Isolate me, and this helped me
develop the positive attitude necessary
for a cure.
As anyone who has gone through
a life threatening situation will tell you,
some things which used to be important
become trivial, while other things
become much more valued.
The chemotherapy side effects
and all the doctor visits limited the
amount of time where I could freely
choose what I wanted to do. A couple
"good days• in a row seemed like an
eternity to me at the time. I could look
back at a week's activities and remember
every waking hour of everyday.
I learned to appreciate each
hour of the day. Like the saying goes
"time is the only thing once lost, that
can never be found:
The question comes down to
"what really Is important?" I was
forced to come to grips with the basics
of everyday living which I sometimes
had taken for granted in th past. I'm
better off today because r have
learned to appreciate the "lmportanr
things in my life: such as a good
laugh, or an entertaining conversation
with a close friend.
Even if I'm having one of those
terrible days we all have from time to
time, I think about what it was like
during my treatments, and how bad
things can really get. Having a bad
day at school, or a bad day at the
office is really no big deal. It really
isni. Everything· ls relative.
During my treatments, for example,
I started to notice that people
complain or worry about the littlest
things sometimes-things such as
•my car just broke down,• or ·1 just
blew an exam: During those treatments,
I would have loved to have the
chance to do poorly on a test. An
experience such as cancer puts things
into perspective.
Some people are never happy
where they are In life; either financially,
socially, or whatever. But I was
faced with the reality that life doesn't·
last forever, and that I should make
the most of it while I can. I learned
through my fight with cancer to
appreciate wh~ I have today. If
there's something I don't Ilka in my
.life, I change It. I don't complain or
worry about it. I try to deal with today,
and not with yesterday or tomorrow.
I'm not saying I don't have dreams for
the future, but I enjoy today for what it
- Doug Wa"en Is a graduate
student and an occassional con
·tributor tc, the th• uR-1.
It's time to -scrutinize RHA
and government policies
that would ask ASMSU to look into
the matter, since students pay for
the paper through truces. The bill
was sent to languish in the policy
committee even though it was a
perfectly legitimate and objective
bill. .
Because the representatives
were acting on their personal
f eeJings instead of acting on the
behaH of the students they were
--·supposed to represent. They just
didn't care about this issue.
So what's the use of having
representatives if they don't look
out for your welfare - or worse, if
they don't even represent you?
This ~as been going on as
long as I have been a student here
at Michigan State. I even joined
RHA as a representative of Wilson
Hall thinking that somehow I could
change this.
The same thing happens when
anyone tries to truly represent
their hall. The ·members of the
executive board of RHA, for the
most part, don't let them. They
are power mongers, and unfortunately,
the members of the body
and the representatives to the
body seem to be involved for all
the wrong reasons.
l mean, how is wanting to have
RHA serve as part of a bitchin'
resume any qualification to serve
your fellow students?
But this recent misdirected
mess isn't the first time RHA has
failed to serve its constituents.
Yes, sadly, it's happened before.
This year several issues have
come up in which the body of
government seems to argue just
for the sake of arguing. Several
times the representatives have
argued for hours just to come to a
unanimous decision on a bill that·
was enacted in its original form.
So why were they arguing if
they all agreed anyway?
Maybe they like to hear themselves
What we really need is for the
representatives to step back and
take a good look at why they're
supposed to be there. They are
there to serve the students - not
themselves. They need to objectively
look at the issues and think
not of what they want to be done,
but what the majority of the people
they represent want done.
If. we're going to change the
wortd as it is today, then we
should be doing it even at these
low levels of government. If any of
these people were elected to
repre8ent the state of Michigan in
Congress one day, they'd proba- .
bly be doing the same thing.
And that's pretty scary.
So maybe we should take a
good look at the bills being passed
by RHA and at the way they're
running our government.
Because we must remember
that it's our government - not
- Carozza is the uR-l"s entenalnment
llfi1 GUns~ Sti'eet~cespronto;:< ... ;·:· · ·: ·
Milton loves white bread; he has for u
long u he cm remember. That's because his
mother wouldn't let him cat it when he wu
small. She had fCan for Milton and his fragile
health, and the aw:ragc white loaf with all its
chemical prcservati'YCI and other bad, bad
things wu just not for her boy. But during his
chaotic school lunchtimes, Milton would
squcczc through the writhing muac:i of cager,
toward-the-door scampering cbildrcnand
quietly deposit his wrinkled, soggy saclt of rye
and tuna on the top sbclf of his gray and
peeling mctml school locker. Then he would
stmnp off into the warm, fragrant, wODdcrful
puddle world of worm-drowned spring. He
would go to a friend's house and indulge his
desires inajayful roof-of-bis-mouth-clinging
pcamlt buucr and Wonder white bread
sandwich. ButcYCD. though tbclC forays into
the-1.m of sandwichccatuy wen: inficqucm,
they were Ill ways spontaneous andhis
toothbrush would be, sadly, at home. Because
ofthia, Milton's mother and her owrly
developed matcmal DOBtrils would capture the .
dry, pasty sa::nt of the pcaml1JJ onhis bteath,
and knowing that abc had IClll him off with rye
and tuna, abc would make further, open-mouth
explorations, exposing the pmticlca of the
izmnorlll loaf clinging tenaciously to his
molan. The beatings would fdlow. Thmc
ODl.y fanned the colll1 of Milton'• ob.cuion.
In.school, those children withmotbcrs
that fed them the white mad would be
sympathetic to his tcm'blc situation. With
c:auti0111 gestures they would slip him slic:cs
that they had stolen, -.Jed in placenta zip-lock
hap. These he would stash with 11trcctjunky
ingenuity, inside his mattrcas, under the
acaking spider-web ltcpll of the porch. behind
the ncvcr-dwdcd wick.er fumitmc in the
ba"'11'!C:Dt At night, he would draw them frtheir pla.c:cs and feast in the dark, warm infancy
of his room. As he listened for board acaks
runs of thrusting the loaf under the covms and
feigning the opcn-mou.tbcdchildslccp.
But these things happened no longer. Not
ever 1ina: the last time. His mother had gone
away that night. She left specific imtnu:tiom
for Aunt Grace. She said then: was 1D be no
-while bread. She said this, staring right at him
with her piercing staJe and 1<>ft, pale slaking
jowls. Tbcsc words were of no consequence to
Milton. He eyed her with indiffcrcnc:c as she
pulled Aunt Graa: aside io give her what he
knew wu BCaCt information. It did not matter.
Miltonhadlllwayseludedall the others who
wen: ever 1C11t to watch him. His cars were
sharp. His boyish~flcxcs mo~ with
lightcning~ision. He could not be
discoYcrcd. But it wu unknown to Milton that
Grace wu a mulcr ofNinja-like stclllth.
That night, inhis womb-dark room, he
was blutcd frnighttime crumbs. ~ wu the burstingopcn
door and flashing peppery spots of bright
lighL The shame of what came after could
never be forgotten.
Over these thoughts, Milton munched his
toasted rye and salami sandwich, llUmbling
stiff robot-minded steps as he moved frki1chcn to his living room.
"Perhaps I cm gather the nerve today?"
he asb:d hiuillClf, his fingers twitching nervous
and insect-like aaoa his face. He shrugged, a
exaggerated frown as he tried to fora: the issue
frpushed tb:i lut bi.1D ofhis undwich into his
momb and grabbod his jacket off the mctlll
folding chair that 1'Cl1ed nabd inhis fayer.
He l1cppcd through the door intothe c:oci
dryncaofanautumnCYCD.ing. Awhitc
its hlllf face imbeddcd like some iram,
disgustcdgianthadhurledittbcrc inbis fiuy.
Milton'• steps echoed, grating against the
1idcwallc cement, icaring at the soft fabric of
the empty stn:Jct 1ilcnc:c. He tumod towards
the uptown. The uptown where she was.
lmmcdi•tr:lysm~odorof cooking food
saturated him as be pushed open the wooden
door and l1cppcd inside. Frail, yellow light
cutlorig table shadows aaOll the floor
leaving the patrons jaundia:d in its dim glow.
Milton located an empty comcr booth in her
section. Pushing aside wadded napkin debris,
he lat. He watched her slow, mctic:ulous hip
swinging wallc as she moved toward the
ki1chcn. Today he wwld do it. His mind
need in its sditudc. Today Milton Smidgcr
would IWtDOUD.1: all and c:apblftl. Lib the
anciem huIJlcrl of Africa, tb:i wild nabd
dripping jungle or the fcrocious Indian s&vagc
dcscrtpinuit of a bloody fear-eyed buffalo.
He was amanlilm them. He wwld conquer.
She approm:bcd.
Sweat gathered under~ skin waiting to
bunt fm: and run bot salt)' trails down his face
and IDDI. Cmtrol. Cramps clawed and
twisted Iilm a dying man'• hands inhis
stmw:h. bile pn:pan:d for a volcmic rmh up
his throaL Control. He DD11t control. She
"Hi, Milt," lhD grinnod, showing Imp
scrubbed porcelain. ''Will you be having tmusual
"Yes," he mDlcd, smiling the smile he
knew she IDl1lt undcmand was ooly for her.
··Beer, too?" she ubsd.
She nodded with serious but glad blue
eyes and tumcd away.
"Y ca, things me indeed going well,"
Milton thought. "Y ca, and maybe when abc
comes back tbcrc will be miall talk and more."
Milton sat listening to the lllllcly clinb
and the jaw-chewing talk of the patrons.· His
eyes remained loc:bd and unfocucd on the
multi-hucdnconsigm abow: the bar. She
rctumcd shcrtly with his beer.
"Herc you go, hon," .she said in a quiet,
almost touchable voice. She 1etthe glass cm
the table. Milton watched as she powed the
beer frvcini sln!tcbcd 8'1111Ually acrou tb:i soft while
flesh ofher small hand.
'"I'hanb," be replied in a voice that he
WU SW'C WU filled with bodJ. c:barm and
enthusiasm. Small tlllk, his mind scn:amcd at
him. Small tallc. Milton '1 tongue separated his
lips to speak. His jaw hung slack and open.
''W~!" bcllOVt'ed ahippopotmms ina
plaid suiL '1 need more waler," he gasped,
waler soup.
"Certainly, sir," Margret said, '1'll be
"Sorry, MilL I'll be back with your
sandwich ina mimlte."
Milton WU utmished. ffc had finally
almostmwdcrcd 1hc amount of intr:stin•I
fortitude that WU iequired to uJt her out CJDl.y
to ICC his hopes plummet in a spinning
nosedive to bell. It wu beyond.his tortured
mental capacity to C\>'C.D grasp what had just
He wished the h.q,po a thouand dcathl.
He could Ille him flotiihg turgidly down
the Amazon, sucking river slime into his huge
maw. Sudd!:nly he would be ICt upcm by
hand bc;llow, but to no avail. He would r.n
lllDrting into his own bloody foam. F"mally,
his gleaming sblcton wwld sink quicdy to the
tbiclcmuddy bottom.
Milton wrapped and unwrapped his
fingers around the smooth curves of his beer
She rctumcd.
"Milt, Milt? ~you all right?" She
~chcd out and 1Duchcd his shoulder.
''Huh. Oh," his C)'CI mapped from their
unfocmcddclighu. He fi=ltthe IOft whi1cnca
ofhcr fin.pl nrtrcat fr''Uh, yeah. IUl'C, l'm fine," he smiled,
mclingbow clwming he must be.
''Well, hcrc'1 your sandwich." She plaa:d
it in frmt ofbim. He felt the rise in his
troucrl. It was just how be libd it - and she
IUl'C knew hO.V to get it to binJ., nice and fut.
Just ICt it down mi lay it out, right in his face,
that'• the way he lila::d it.
Then: it lay, dclicak: and white as mow.
Ham draped ICllSUally aaou its warmlcngtb,
lucious ltripl of c:boClc dripping into tb:i
c:rcvic:cs. Purity llDVCf touched by man. Once
again, Milton opened his mouth to tell Margret
ofhisundying love and gratimdc--shc would
CVCID be thens to - his face U ho took that
6ntcxotic bi.tD.
The dcadbippohadmumcd. Somcwbcrc
in the bioodwmn wallm of the Amuon
1housmds of pinmhan:sprai1a1Dd tb:i COIJlmlts
of their stomaches, reforming and sending his
foul bulk back to torture him. Margret scurried
Miltoncunccl himlclf for not being
prcpucd. If ooly he had known this would
happen. He would haw woni a safari outfit
and c:riDd melcphmt gun. Thon things would
ha'YC been diffcnmt. Y ca, he could sac how
that might ha"1C changed the situation.
GnspingMargrct UOlllldhcrsmooth, curving
waist, he would pull her out ofharm.'1 way, far
frKic:king aside the table, he would lcwl his rifle
sights on the hippo'• musivccxpmllC and
blut him into a ~pile of gurgling gon:.
Of counc, a grall:lW Marp:t would be a
babbling pile of mars u lhc colhplcd into his
lllDI and fell instantly in low with him. But
Milton was not prepared. Everything had been
dcslroycid. Soon lhc rctumcd.
''Wcll,MilL How's your- "
''Waitrcnl" Once again the wilderness
''E.xcuc me, sir," an angry Margret
bcramd. '1'm with a Cl1ltomcr right now.
Pl.cue be paticm. Milt, I'm·so sor- "
he filmed their great gcyscrcxplosiom. He
switched the cbanncl. VIUDla White was
rmni•aiUy attempting to turn B's (after a fat
woman had bought a vowel) in the tide
''Everything You Wanted To Know About
Exercise. He finallysettlcdAngels just in time for a commcrcilll bn::ak.
That's when be saw it. The ICuopcring
gleeful children. Their mliling mother busily
shooing them through the door, in frharnDlc storm. Stllllming tomato IOllp on the
table. Then, grinning dcmonically. abc
brought for the the tray. It was filed with
them. Stacked in a moc:king pyramid they
waited, begging ''Tiki: me!" The children
saoamcd inccstuy. Small hands darted out,
emptying the tray in ICCOllds.
''W ondcr Whim Bread. Only the best for
Thmc words were bnndcdonMilton'1
brain as his head fell baclc and his Budweiser
bottle dropped from his limp fingcrw into a
spreading pool on the floor.
He stood sobbing inan~puddlc
of urine.
"What is this?!" Aunt Once bcllowtd,
m.Jcing the spot1Dd plastic bag in his face.
"I-I don't know," ltamrDDft:d Milton. She
made him DmVOlll, and she made him afraid.
He Ill ways had to poc when ho wu ncrvoill or
"Look what you ans doing now, you bad.
evil lialo boy."
'1 can't help it." Tears dripped in
croobd trails down bis cbocb. "I'm a1iaid."
"That'• not all you 11 be,'~ Grace shouted,
righmoul flUllCI burning in her pig-like eyes.
"Y0111l be IOl'I')', and a whole lot more once I
tell your mother."
She railCd the plutic-co\'Cl'Cdloafhigh
into the air. Swinging it over her head lib
ICllllC mace-wielding cruadcr abc brought it
auhing down on Milton'• head. Milton
c:rinFd and sank to his knees •.
"YOUR"__. brcadladcn blow to the
"SAID" _.amhing blow to the face.
"TIIBRB WAS TO BB"__. two-banded
''WHI1BBRHAD"- Miltoncdlapmcd.
Gasping hys1erically, he curled into a fetal ball
cm the floor.
. ''No, don't worry. h'1oby." Milton
looked at the now limp and usclcss sandwich
that lay in front ofhim. '1'vc kinda lOllt my
appctiic anyway."
''Wmmc to wrap it up for you? Maybe
you 11 get hungry later."
Drenched with sweat and breathing sharp,
shaky breaths, Milton boltDd uprigbt on the
coach. Pcarful C)'CI ICUCbcd tb:i room,
frMsrishly lcding for his long dead aut.lgonist.
Leaning forw.rd., he 1'Cl1ed his soKing brown
...._ in the hdlow bowl of his co.ppcd hands.
''Enough," he breathed. ''No more."
Slmmingfoot-draggingstcps,he forced
himlclf to the kitcbon. Will alooc drove him to
the place when: he kept the loaf.
"Smc, that'd be great." But U.idc he
knew it WU WJclcu. The feeling WU gone.
The mood had been destroyed. Besides, he
hada headache"
Ona: through the front door, Milton
dropped the styrofomn comaincr in the first
truh bin he aw. Just befon: he toacd it in, he
~d the worm on the lid: ''Have a nice dayT'
"Fuck you," Milton thought.
At home, Milton plopped downon the
coach. He rcacbcd out to the coffi:c table.
Onbbing the rcmOlrl controi, he clickcd on the
'JV. Jacqucs Couleau WU following sperm
shllca,jabbcring in tbiclc acccnlr.d abandon as
Milton slowly drew his tongue aaOll his
lips. His plllsicd hand ~chcd for the polished .
s1M:r drawer handle. Lovingly his fingers
wnppcd thmmi:il'YCB m'OUlld its smooth
coolnca. Carefully he pulled, and slid it &its wcll-lubricatcdhidingplaa:. There it lay, a
beauty unfit for the cycs of mortlll man.
''No, Milton. This is sinful- wrong,''
ICllllC inner voice of caucicna: spoke. With
uncomcioUI rcaction,hisDDllClca tcmcd,
forcing him to thrust tb:i drawer back into iU
warm, dark~ plaa:. Millon llhivercd u
he felt its full length glide home.
"YOU can do it." he begged himlclf. ffia
heart beat wild, erratic blastJJ.
I rea ''This is whaty0111vc been waiting for. thcy would lie in retching spurns in pools of
Do it." thcir own vomit. Y cs, even mother. Soon she
AgainMiltongrippcdthchmdlc. Now would fall from her favorite chair. Hcrrcdwith
pmpoec, he once munlcuhcdtbc contcntsofthc drawer. cigan::ttc burning to uh inthe uh tray. His
There it waimd., Wrapped in the fingers relaxed around the glus in his hand.
ocntmfoldofOctober. Evctymoothbebougbt ''Milton!"Tbcloundofsbattcringlus
a new Im!. All the othcn had failed him, shook him inhinobrioty.
ugging·llDd liinp. He had thrown thcm all "You llllpid boy, look what you've dooc
away. But this time,he would triumph. This now,"hilmothcr 111'1DM dnmb:nly. "Go get a
time, the 1mwl would set him free. With broom llDd elem your me11 up."
sputic filigcn he gcndy picked her up and set Milton ahuffied in the kitchc:n. He
her on the COIUllcr. He undid her. Taking a ietumcd with the broom llDd dusqMn.
knifi: from the drawer, he imcrtcd it into her' Carefully, he placed the U.t-=ied picc:cs into
mM:rfouledwbircpwjty. Hccutmx:cslice. the pm. Fmall.y,hercachcdfortheolM. He
Holding her high first. he thcn brouaht her picked it up gently betwocnhil f"mgcra. The
down to his moist, waiting mOlltb. pit wu gooc." The hole waited vacant and
The telephone jazrcdMilton from his inviting. Slowly, Milton railed it to his
trance. Widc-cycd and flaccid he stared in mouth. His tongue lolled out to meet it. h
disbelief at his betrayer. It rang again. His t.ollchcd. A sharp spear of agmy thrust itmlf
wbirc bread fell from.his perspiring i-J.ms, into Milton's mouth. He pulled the olive
mwclcingonthefioor. away,lhockcd. Hcraccdoutofthebathroom,
• "Hcllo,"Miltonsaidinap.rbled,pilcgm- tmguc flapping the wind. In front.of the
ladcnvoia:. mirror, he can:fully cbcw outthe mWl sliver
"Milton, what moarth ii going on over of glan. He could focl the warm pulsing flow
d!Drc what took you so long to answer the of blood onto his 1lloth. "Yes," Milton thought.
phoDD iunymo-you know how I fccl about · This Tuesday at his mother's house wu
you having those dirty, nuty girls in your progrouing lib-=ryTucsday athilmotbcr's
apartment. Y Oil den 't have snyooc in your house.
roam do you. If I've told you mco, I've told
you a thousllDd times that all 1bcy wmt to do is
trap you llDd mab you do evil sinful- "
''Nomothcr. l'mhomoalonc."
''Well, lshould certainly hope SO. YOU
know, any llOlf-rcspccting girl wouldDCYCr
allow hcrllOlf to be put in a situatim wbcrc she
ii alooc with a mm llDd certainly not in his
apartment, why sbc-"
"Mothcr, why did you call me so late?"
''Well, I was just sitting here thinking and
I started wondering if you remembered that
tmnorrow is Tuesday and you know that I need
YOll to come over and help me sot up for my
brido club now you wouldn't want me to do it
all alcmc because you know I need your help
"Mothcr, l'mkindofbusyrightnow. I
haYC a lot of work frI'll be over to help you t''Nowy011 waitjustcmcminuteyoung
man, den 't you think you can talk that way to
me, why if your father wu still ali'YC I'd tell
him that- "
''Mothcr, I ieally Jillllt go. Good-b)!C."
Milton gently placed the phcmc back on the
wall. Pale llDd quaking. he once apin
wrapped his loaf in Mn. October and dropped
it into thc wastepaper basket under the sink.
Shutting off the kitchen light. he went to bed.
Tuesday atMilton 's mother's hOUIC
progiascdlikc C'Yerf Tuesday al Milton's
mother's hOU1C. The same badgering, ginsoUDd
crows, haggling over cards. Of course,
Milton as gieady nccdcd to set up the tables,
mix the drinks and make sun: then: were
enough chips and cigan:ttm. 1'hclC duties he
fulfilled in his usual silent animation. But
llOD.'.ICWbcrc Within him tbcrc lurked the feeling
that this time would be diffOICDt. Y cs, he
thought. thcsc drinks he had made especially
for them. Thc1e drinks he had made stronger,
moie potent. The card players would be mfestive than usual. Soon they would be
swilling~-glassswills llDd wipi:iig drops
frcxn their grizzled chins. In their dnmkcDDCll
they would leer thrOllgh cataract glasses and
acQllOoach other of cheating and table talk.
Soon they would be a jabbering IDllll of thii:ktmgacdmorom.
Falling frMiltonstcppcd from the foggy dinmcu of
his mother's house intothe C)'C-blailting cdor
of fall. Walking cnmchy leaf steps, Milton
beaded to Wbcrc she WU.
"Today," he thought. ''Today for llllle."
He would uk, she would agree. And
maybe things wouldchmgc.
He slipped thrOllgh thc restaurant door
and hurriedly ICUIDcd the room for wildlife.
Nohippotoday. Allsccmcdplaeid. He
walked to her section and sat. Soon she
"Hi, Milt!'~ she said.
NcrvOllsly he shifted his sweating
buttocks in his scat.
"Hi," he managed to choked out.
"Do you want thc usual today? .. she
ukcd. .
''Well, uh, DO actually I came for
Her C)'CbroWs jcltcd upward in surprise.
''Oh, really," she smiled. "What will it
Miltonclencbcdhis fis1s and swallowed
· the softball-sized lump of lard in his throat.
Uding straight into her chest. he sp'1'~'cliaqrn8•i•awl11011di1e"
Margret launched her DOSC and eyes as if
she wutrying to read a wet newspaper. Aftm
a mw ICCODds, she socmcd to realize the true
meaning ofMilton' s gubl.ed babblings.
Mcanwhilc,timc had slowed to anctcmity for
He could soc lier, at first ]1nghin& ·
pointing. Then she would )'Cll to cvciycmc in
humble pica. The Whilarious and fall laughing lDlcontrollably onto
thc floor. The mm. wOuld be outraged that
1101DCOOC such u he would haYC thc audacity to
foul such a pure white beauty with his request.
They would take him llDd drag him llC1'C&IDing
frfrwith black rubber hoses. Then thcy would
slowly skin him, pcoling the skin back, leaving
his carcass to.drip like a used paintbrush on the
bright. bright canopy of fallen fall lca'YCI.
''Sure, here's mymunbcr.''
She wrote on a pad llDd placed in his
"436-2674. Call me anytime. Merge," it
Over dinner the n::xtnight she decided
that he wi.s cute; llhc' d lllccp with him.
In bed thc next night he decided that he
loved her.
''Milton, this is the last time. J'm not
going to do this anymmean, at first I thought it wu okay-a little
kink now and thcnnevcr hurt snyooc, but
cvcty time is just not normal.
She stood them, Diked, two slices of
W ondcr bread taped toher outstrctchcd i-J.ms
lib llOll'.IC Wonder Madmna..
''Oh, Marge, pica:. You look .0
beautiful this way, so fresh." He tape a slice of
bn:ad to each breast. Gripping a piece in each
palm. he wrapped his l11Dll uound her llDd
cbcw her down to the bed. He climbed on top
of her, m"bbling the slices on her chest.
"Yes, so tuty, so f"mn," he said u he ate
her. "And pure and wholcsnutritious. And good for me, too."
''Touch me,'' he ~ggcd. ''Touch me.''
She br011ghthcr 1rJD1 uoundhim,
squishing the dough against his *in. He
climbed bctwccnhcr legs, swroundinghlmsclf
with her O'YCD wermtb. In this manner; it
alwaysbopn • .
"Yes. You know how Ilike it." he
ammblod. "Cnunbly, aumbly."
So she began to aumblc, dropping the
c:rumM m his back llDd in his hair.
''Oh, that'• rigbL That'• it," Milton
grom:ocd. He dcvOlliedher, filling his mouth
with soft bfcad llDd tuty aust.
''Feed~," he begged. ''Feed me."
Reaching her hand OYCr the side of the
bed, ~t bopntovigorously sho'YC slices
of the lmf af the nightstand into Miltm 's
mouth. · I . .
''MmW,nnn ohchcwmmcmcmmomcmo,"Miltonmoe.ncd,his
mouth filed with saliva-laden bread. Cl11mb
hung out over his trx:th llDd lips, bits llDd pica:s
fell onto Margret's face and neck.
••• omh domtltgroaned. spraying particles of sticky chewed
dOllgh on the hcadbmrd llDd wall. Though
slightly put off by this, for Milton's sake,
Margret continued. Suddenly, his body shook
and quaked. The contents of his mouth
erupted in a vdcmic spew covcringevctything
in front of him, including Margret. Milton
relaxed and collapiicd on top of her.
She sat up, wiping gobs of dripping dfrher hair. Slumningher fricttothe fioor, she
welbd to a chair llDd grabbed her robe.
''Now,youlisb:::n tome, buster," she
yelled, white gunk stuck to her eyelashes llDd
chin, "I may care a lot for you, but I've had
enough of this crap. Ifwc_ can'tha'YC 1CX like
tow normal human beings, then you can call
this rclatiomhip over. Do you hear me?
"ButMargc, this way is best. This way is
good. If you ieally cared for me, then y011 1 d
lib it too. I know you'll get to like it Just be
pa- "
''Milton, you aie sick." she )'Clled,
throwing a spit ledcn wad of dough at his head.
Milton dodged and heard thc splat as it hit
the wall behind him. Furious withhcr
situation do her t.d aim, Marge stomped into
thc bathroom llDd slammed thc door. The
shower hissed in the background. Leaning
back in bed.. Milton knew she was rigbL He
smashed thc remainder of thc loaf into a wad.
He kDcw what he Jilllltdo.
The day dawm:d damp llDd sullen. Milton
slogged through thc lca'YC1, 111Dpping DOW and
then to pocl a wet one from his lhoc.
:•&r~ltP.@~£."J:uuu: ·
Ev~y . .. ;.m,~~ ... .. ii~ ·Jilii ia;y: ~d.
opened the door.
''Mothcr, arc you here?" he sb.Ollted,
el.though he b:Jcw she would be.
"Y cs, Milton, I'm here. Now, stop your
annoying shouting and conz in."
There she wu, lipstick- staincdginglass
in hand, smoke curling around her face. She
sat~ in that chair wheie she always sat,
waiting. He aw the divots llDd thc sags, the
way it conformed to C'Yerf part of her. It
would SCr'YC his pmpoecs well.
''What an: y011 staring at, boy? Speak!"
"Hcllo,Mothcr. l''YC brought something
for you."
''Well, stop hiding it behind your back
then, and let me KC.11
He didn't think he could go through with
it, but thcn she began to stllDd. ''Milton, what
is wrong with youT'
Now. HclDllltactNow.
With blinding speed, he leaped behind her
chair and pulled the rope form the bag at the
umc time. Bcfoie she could ieact. she had
been tied to the chair, coiled in the rope'•
''Milton, what is the 1J1C1Ding of this!"
she sc:rcoc:hcd, jump~ and bumping the chair
"F.nough, Mother. I will have white
the loaf from the bag. His mothcr shnuik back,
hissing like a vmipirc from the Cl'OA.
''Milton, DO. What ha'YC I been llllling YOll
f'l'icty sina: YOll were smallT'
Milton sat llCl'Olll from her.
"And your father had a heart attack.?"
He took out two slices and m-
"But he wouldn't listen to me llDd he said
I was loony so he just kept on eating and eating
it and it killed him. Those doctors, they said it
wu a heart attack., but they wcrc wrong. h
wuthatcvil whitebn:ad."
"Then all I had left was you, and I
couldn't let a terrible thing like that happen to
you. It was all just for your own good."
He placed them togcthcr.
"BccaUBC you mother, you BOC, knows
belt and- Don't do it Milton, Don't do it!"
He took a bite.
She shook llDd spat like a demon
poucacd. Saliva rdled down her chin. Her
eyes bugged and giew cue ball wide.
F"mally, with a blut of supcrimman
strength. she broke free llDd WU upcnhim.
She grabbed him by thc throat and forced him
to the floor.
''No white bread!" she creamed. ''Tbcrc
will be n0 white bread!"
She was strong. She was on top. She had
seized the loaf.
Milton felt fear clu1clllng at his soul. She
railed her llIDll high. ready for the devastating
downwardswing. Suddc:nly,.shell:Dlcd. Her
eyes glued O'YCr and unfocused. She fell from
OD top of him and lay in a gnarled and
twitching heap on thc floor. With a gasp he
rolled away from her and lay on the aupct.
chest heaving.
''The rest had been IO simple," thOllgh
Milton, as he rode thc elevator up to her floor.
Margret l1Dod somberly n::xt to him,
holding his hand. He had told her that Mother
had had an accident. Despite this, she smiled
for she was 'YCry plcucd with the c:hangc in
See WONDER, p. 11
11111111~' ; lli~t~lti I ill 1,111 11 I 11111!!11
Doc's back
and better
than ever
I have a bunch of letters on -my
desk that need answering but I
thought I would use thls 'week's
column to discuss what has been
referred to as a young man's fancy
(although I don't know many men who
call it that.) You know the old saying:
"In the Spring, a young man's fancy
lightly turns to what women have been
thinking about all winter: Isn't that
how It goes?
Even old guys like me get to feel
somewhat rejuvenated as the days
get longer and I can begin to feel the
sun's warmth on my face. Lots of
people get a jump on the rutting
season by gong to Dayton Beach,
Pardre Island, Bermuda, the Keys or
anywhere south of Carbondale for that
matter. Wherever a number of young
people gather is where the mating
dance will occur.
Here is a perfect example of how
people think they are doing one thing
when somethink completely different
Is actually taking place. Let's face It,
beneath our civilized(?) veneer we are
animals and the most successful
societies in human terms are those
taking our human animal-nature into
account. Haven't you ever noticed
that bar fights don't break out until
after the successful males leave with
the females? That's the way it Is with
men, If you can't get fucked, you might
as well fight, especially If the aleohol
has knocked out the higher control
centers In the brain. A lot of these
guys are brain-dead going In-but you
already knew that, didn't you?
Many adults apparently forget
what life was like for them when they
were younger. They look down their
noses at the Insanity going on up and
down the beach: the parties, the
drinking, the screaming, throwing-up,
tops and/or bottoms of bathing suits ,
being ripped off, people having to run
into the water every five minutes or so
to cool off, copys making sweeps to
arrest people pissing on the beach or
on parked cars, and so on. I loved ltll
So much so that Stephanie and I used
to go to Lauderdale every spring to
hang out on the beach and participate
(to the degree that my aged body
would respond) in these annual rites
du pasage. ·
It was a heavy-duty cheap thrill
just to sit next to mating pairs in the
bars or to watch the dance going on
all around us up and down the beach.
I would sit in absolute awe of the
massive quantities of alcohol. being
downed on the way to a denouement
so ardently desired. I got too excited
on several occasions; I can remember
actually THINKING about getting It up
but, of course, that was merely an
exciting fantasy. My problem was I
would have to throw down four or five
beers at the Wet Tee Shirt contest just
to stay cool (Stephanie said she
wanted to buy me a muzzle), then go
out for Burgers and Oysters (Steph
believes In the aphrodesiac powers of
Oysters), get smashed at dinner,
stoned on the fumes In the men's
room, and have to go home to "Sleep
it off: Boy, there's a critical difference:
Young men beat It off and old
men sleep it off, get my drift?
Since the old farts have taken
over control of America, Lauderdale Is
history. Daytona Beach Is on the way
out, cops are everywhere, beating
heads and making arrests for public
drunkeness, lewd and lacivlous ~
havior, Indecent exposure (urinating
out of doors), and minor in possession.
I figure why go south and spend
all that money when I can stay right
here In East Lansing and have the
same thing. Know what I mean? (By
the way, we had a great time in New
Orleans where the police believe their
job is to PROTECT you from rip-offs
and assaults. We watched people
literally crawling up Bourbon Street,
being picked up by the police and
could get home without being hurt.
Open containers are no problem in
New Orleans, as long as they are
paper cups. Shoot, we were able to
get Whlppits over the counter for
$5.00 a hit. Great City I)
Old farts don't remember how
great it feels to be young and In heat.
How the smell of tropic air from the
Gulf of Mexico assaults the nose In
the spring, the feeling of warmth on
the hair and face, the sap rising, etc.
Male animals start baying at the moon
or bellowing out in the woods to find
their mates but on campus, they
merely turn up the stereo and put the
speakes out a window.
Mostly-naked young people are
playing volley ball.on the outdoor
courts to get up a good sweat before
humping under the bushes, while Ofs
sit In their air conditioned offices In the
Administration Building or City Hall
having meetings and planning how to
turn off this rich panoama of fecund
lubricity. Hot, young people are trying
to get it on while the moldy oldies are
looking to shut It off. So far, It Is a
Just wait, though, until mc>st bf the
brighter students realize you don't
have to put up witht the high school
hall-monitor, anti-alcohol, paranoid
bull-shit In the dorms. Of course,
landlords, knowing this, have already
raised rental rates through the roof.
(Unless, of course, you're an athlete·
and can rent a subsidized place from
several of the Trustees.) When the
dorms are only half full, it. ls going to
be real tough for the Big U to make
the payments on the bank notes they
used to finance the dorms. Not a
problem ... just raise tuition. Hey, I'm
starting to think like an administrator
I don't know If you noticed the
news reports that two very ng t,
highly motivated young entrepreneurs
approached the City of East Lansing
with a proposal for a dance hall where
young people could meet and not
have to drink to have a good time.
What a super Idea! Here is an
outrageously constructive response to
the Just Say No types running EL who
say they want to control underage
drinking during the mating process
(and all the rest of the year too). Don't
you think the mayor and her charming
cohorts would jump to approve such a
construdive suggestion for everyone
with a valid concern regarding underage
partying? HA!
· They turned these two guys
down on a zoning technicality. Oh
sure, she said "Golly guys, I sure wish
I could do something to help get this
approved but (sigh) zoning, zoning,
zoning; the location. You know."
Yup, we know. The bottom line is
control and In a society where control
and exercising control over others Js
the thing, no one Is allowed to have a
good time for any reason whatsoever,
good Idea or not. Their motto is: "I
ain't gettin' any, s0 you sure as hell
ain't gettln' any.· My Idea is invite the
mayor and the city council and the
trustees and president John and the
vice-presidents, and a certain female
Circuit Court Judge (Hang 'em high,
hang 'em low, and if you can't do that,
enjoin them) to Cedarfest so they can
party, have a good time, and maybe
fantasize about getting it on. For
those of you asking, 'Will it help?" let
me tell you a little story about Jewish
I was at a play In New York done
In Yiddish. One of the charaders had
zeroed out on the old brain-waves and
everyone was standing around the
hospital room greaplng and crying the
way old Jews do when someone has
died. Suddenly, from the back of the
theater, a man yelled, "Give him a
clyster (an enema)!" The cast ignored
him so he yelled again, "GIVE HIM A
CL YSTERI" One of the older actors
walked to the front of the stage and
addressed the Interruption by saying:
·sir, the man is brain-dead, an enema
wouldn'tltelp." From the back the guy
yelled "COULDN'T ~URT!"
This week's short, but so am I, jerkface
yoUl'dogelther(hHI, that/•).
Enough with the pleaantrle8, though,• •hort Intro
can only mean one th/ng ••• next up are mean thing•/
Hey, good to see everyone involved with Earth Day, huh?
Even the C00'1>aflies making earth day nece5sary (Dow
Chemicals- making life better through mutations)
pitched in to be sponsors I
And in true community spirit, the AZD (no, not the AIDS
drug) House decided to hold a car wash on Earth Day.
Not to i111>ly that these women are dummies, but the the constant waste of water and release of detergents into the
I guess that explains why Greta Garbo got about eight
inches of page one space with a photo - even though
she's said nothing for decades -and the Rev. Ralph
Abernathy- one of the greatest civil rights crusaders
(and associates of the late Martin Luther King) who,
incidentally has said quite a bit in the past few decades -
got a two paragraph obit in the NEWSLINES wasteland.
Like Wonder Bread, some things never change.
The bad news ... Milli Vanilli is booked at the Breslin
Center. ·
The good news ... The fruity two will play the h~ hall this
summer when no one will be around to step on their hair.
Provocateur · ground and elsewhere didn't quite seem awropriate on
....~!l !l!,,.!l!l!Nl!l!~..· .",l-!l!l.,.,!l!l.,.,.!l!l!,.,.!l!l!,.,,1!1!.,•.,•l•!l ,!1 •!•1•!1•! 1!1.,.,.!1!1!,.,.!1!1!,.,.!1!1!,•.,. .,1,1!11!1 !1.,,1!11•1•.,1 •1•1•1•1•1 •1•1, 1,! illl,.,.l.ii , l!Jl.i.,...il l ".i.. .ii.i .i. i. ii.i l ..i •. . .• . .i .i.i .i.i iil. MEartybeDh ayth. Id b . Wood . Owl
Sometimes I wonder hoW IOIN people will sink.
.:::::::~:::~::::~:::~:::::::;:;:~~::::.:::.:::::~:::::::::::::::;:::::::~::::::::.~:::::::::.::::::::~::::::::;~:;:;:::::::;:;:::~;:;~:;: a ey cou ring s1e to term party next?
~i1~~~~r:1~1~11@11~~1;~i1~1irnir:~~mmmmmt ;mimim111titimim~1i111t1~~i ·
Welcome to the disple••ure dome, you festering,
putrid, folk. May yoUI' open •ore• never fleaJ - or
Remerrber how the State News was going to be sensitive
to rrinority issues? Remember? Huh? Not listening ·
Just last week I caught five guys in those crazy-lookin'
Grateful Dead t-shirts trying to roll up our he111> issue and
smoke it.
Talk about idiots!
I mean, what they hell -they forgot the matches ...
26 April 1990 · university Reporter-Intelligencer • 11~
From EXPERTS, p. 4
Dukakis , Ferency said, was the
victim of negative campaigning.
"Lee Atwater and Roger Ailes
know how to appeal to the baser
emotions,· Ferency said. "And Mike
Dukakis took it sitting in a tank with a
helmet on his head."
But the conseniative trend trailing
from the days of Reagan is diminishing,
Ferency said. Conservatives
Reagan, Bush, and Jerry Falwell "rode
high for awhile, but evidence suggests
we were right all along and the the
pendulum is swinging the other way.;
he said.
"For example, the whole perestroika,
glastnost and dismantling of
the Soviet system ...
(conservatives)were the ones who
wanted to build up the military budget
and relied on fear of the Soviet threat."
Ferency said the conservative
trend began when Reagan during the
1960s got Barry Goldwater nominated
over liberal Republicans by painting
liberals as "free spenders, supporters
of uppity women and radical blacks,
soft on communism and crime, too."
More than anything, Ferency
believes the conservative trend was
born out of white backlash toward
black progress.
But Clark disagrees, saying that
mainstream Republicans do not
believe in discrimination.
"It's very Important that people are
not discriminated against for the color
of their skin, age, sex or handicap,·
Clark said. "But reverse discrimination
Is also wrong.•
Clark notes that Republicans are
concerned that affirmative action
programs have the potential to
reverse discriminate.
Ferency believes conservatives
today cannot be separated from their
religious agenda
'What they're trying to do is have
their fundamentalist Christian beliefs
imposed on everyone from above,·
Ferency said, adding conservatives
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use the police power of the state to
force conformity to these beliefs.
"They make no bones about it,·
Ferency said. "They say America is a
Christian nation.·
"They are ignoring the mlilions of
Americans who are not Christians,
plus the fact that within Christianity
itself there is a lot of diversity.•
Clark admits that emphasis on
traditional, Christian values is part of
the conservative movement but
contends that among conservatives,
there exists a plurality of opinions and
So what's the difference between
liberalism and conservatism?
Zolton says liberalism is characterized
by a plurality of groups, which
sometimes work together but form no
unified front. In contrast, he said
conservatives have a complete
agenda ranging from child pornography
to capital punishment.
The difference for Clark?: "Republicans
are more middle of the road
than liberals,· she said.
VJilliams supports Clark, noting
that a sizeable minority of Republicans
are pro-choice on the abortion
issue. And both contend that conservatives
are taking a more serious look
at the possibility of legalizing drugs
than liberals are.
"Most people tend toward one
(ideology) or another, but differ on
specific issues,· Clark said.
Williams said that liberal and
conservative primarily are labels
candidates toss at each other during
elections. But when politicians settle
into office, he said pradlcal concerns
put ideology aside.
Clark believes liberals are a
threat. She said:
"The left plays on peoples' emotions
rather than looking at the full
range of issues and making economically
sound decisions." ·
For example, Clark said she
favors workfare because liberal
welfare programs deny people their
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self-rasped and dignity.
"Hand-outs breed more welfare,·
Clark said. ·
Another controversial issue
disputed amongst conservatives and
liberals Is the environment. •
Clark said that environmental
issues are important and need to be
addressed. However, she said careful
management that takes into account . ·
both the interests of the environment
and business is needed to solve
environmental problems.
'We can't sacrifice business for
the environment,• Clark said.
Ferency said both liberals and
conservatives agree that environmental
problems can no longer be
ignored. However, he believes the
government cannot worry about costs
when it comes to solving environmental
problems that claim peoples'
"Both Bush and Governor Blanchard,
conservatives, are saying that
they are concerned about the costs of
environmental protection,• Ferency
said. "It's like asking whether you
should throw a drowning man a life
preserver because of how much it will
cost you.
"You either have a clear and
present environmental problem that
you must deal with to save peoples'
lives or you do not. It's idle to discuss
cost because if It must be done. You
pay whatever It costs."
Reggae Night
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From WONDER, p. 9
It had been too easy. Call for the ambulance,
Act hysterical. He bad told them that, to his
h01Tor be bad found her that way. And his
mother wu certainly not talking. A 'YC1')'
serious and deadly strob:, the doctor bad said.
She would probably IHM:r speak or move
again. He smile became a grin as be walb:d
pllllllCd the Illll'llCS.
He wallccdintohismothcr'sroom. Tbc
mechanical click of her machines filled the air.
He marvclled at how she was held tbcrc, with
stccl and plastic tubes surrounding her like a
giant octopus.
''Hello, Mother," be said.
"YOU look better today."
Milton wallccd to her bedside and
replaced the wilted flowers with fresh new
''Mother, I've brought you a visitor. This
is my fianccc-Margn:t."
Margn:t lcaIJCdovcrthe bed.
''Hello, Mrs. Smidgcr. I just want you to
know that I'll mkc 'YC1')' good carc of Milt, and
after we arc muricd I'll be here almost every
day to help him care for you."
Milton's mothcr'seycs bulged in their
''Milton. i. aomctbing wrong? She l!ICCDlll
so excited."
"No honey. That's just her way of
ahowingshc'sbappy .''
"Oh," Marge said. She looked back at
Milton's mother and smiled.
''Margn:t, could you leave us for a
min.um? I want to be alom: with her fora
"Sure, iwcctbcart. I understand." Still
smiling, she brushed her band &a'O!IS Milton's
ann and left the rocxn.
"So, Mother. How arc you doing?'' He
pulled out a wrinkled brown paper sack from
his jacket pocb:t. "Oh, I missed lunch. y OU
doo. 't mind, do you?'' Milton pulled out a Jiffy
peanut butte rand Wonder white bread
sandwich. He mother's eyes began to blink
and twitch.
Carcfully,Miltoo. undid the wupapcr
wrapping. He leaned over clOBC to her face
and began to cat. Small Wbiti: aumbs fell in
the crevices around her noec and lips. Her
eyes began to protrude and spasm grotesquely.
slowly, every so often stopping and showing
her the doughy com:nm of.his mouth. Once or
twice he hung out his pcamit-buttcr-coall:d
tooguc and let it hang in her face. A small trail
of saliva began to work WI way out the side of
her mouth and down her check. Milton
finished his sandwich.
He pulled his handkerchief from his back
pocket and wiped her face. He kissed her
lightly on the forehead and stoop up. He
wallccd toward the door, stopped and turned
back to her.
"Good-bye, Mother. I'll sec you
tomorrow," he smiled and wallccdaway.
lll~ll~WI~ •• ,!~~ ... :>~a.· iHemtY-.offere a ·~ '. -. ..
::: ·:: :_::: ::<~ ~~~~·~~'*~tj•Wii.~::w~~,~~:::::::: MiCf1igan UniVerajW:- in .. · -. · ·
~-11~-I~ .-.--:-:-:·::::::::::::::::::::::-:-:-:·:::::::-:-:-:-.-. :-:.;.:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-.-.·.-.·:-:-
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• un1vers1ty eporter-lntelligencer ·.. 26 April 1990
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by .J()NT
26 April 1990 , ./ . university Reporter-Intelligencer· 13
~OUT and ABOUT •••••••••••••••••••••••• A 27-May 13: Masters of Fine Arts A
,.a.EAST LANSING Exhibition ..t!!a.ANNARBOR
~27-29 April: Destination Universe
29: Teddy's Quest
IM>a11Sllil@now-29 April: stage performance
of steel Magnolias
l)ir.UD1111 e@llMJ@r
28 April: Hank Williams Jr.
25 April: Glass Eye. The Walkabouts
~-on IP>@@r
25-29 April: Uptown Band
30: Blue Avenue Delegates
1 May: Capitol City Band
2-6: Uptown Band
llD'•~ ~IJ1l e@llM}@IT
now-May13: Images of an Idyllic
Past: The photographs of Edward S.
l!.25 April: Ras Shaggai and LMration
27-28: The Way Outs
1 May: Two Weeks Late
DQJJ QIJonll@ml k00ir@@llilll
2 May: They Might Be Giants
Billi ~~ID©>!rDlllllJDn
25 April: Steven Wright
25 April: The Knaves
26: J.D. Lamb
27-28: Jelly Roll
29-30: Freeman and the Chasers
1 May: Savory Brown
2: No Right No Wrong
81ihMD' @>®lll!Gr SGO@@llll
now-29 April: steel Rain
1-6 May: Mariner
WIJilCQllJ'hon ©@ll!dJ@r
25-29 April: Les Miserables
27 April: Guy Clark. Townes Van
Zandt and Robert Earl Keen, Jr.
28: Joel Mabus
29: Jenny Armstrong
[jlrCJ oa ~INM!n..
25-26 April: Ron Brooks Trio
7-28: Paul Vomhogan
29: Clark & Reed Jam Session (Jazz
musicians welcome)
30: Bird of Paradise Orchestra
1 May: Keller & Kocher Quartet
2-3: Ron Brooks Trio
llllklbd ~.
25 April: Idyll Rumers
26: The Chills with the Blake Babies
27-28: Trinidad Tripoli steel Band
30: The Classical Mushrooms
l)j)ftc~on 'ii'1lllOG1Jlr@
25 April: Le Mystere Des Voix
- )
(( ~
004Dc!}ami. k00D'@@lltl1l
30 April: They Might Be Giants
25 April: Souvenir
26: Lucky Peterson
27: The Difference
28: The Urbatlons
30: Assembly Required
4 May: Flrehose
31t.~@ ..
25 April: The Rave-ups
27: The Trash Brats with The Happy
28: The Hold with Missionary stew
1lllb@ II.don 91ooallhlr
27 April: The Violent Femmes
28: The Cramps
25&28 April: Don Giovanni
h,.ao Ocalk l)j)lllllllc 'ii'1hl*2iJD'@
27 April: The Mission U.K. with The
29: Pete Seeger and Ario Guthrie
2 May: Indigo Girls
3·@> Clltwlb)
26 April: Bootsey X and the Lovemasters
with the 3-D Invisibles
14• universit Reporter-Intelligencer · P 1
From Les Miz, p. 16
Many times the French
Revolutionary's huge novel has been
translated to the silver screen. Some
film historians claim the novel has
been filmed 51 times, each having
little or no success, often because of
the length of the novel - over 1500
March 12, 1987, Les Miz opened
at the Broadway Theater to massive
crowds, an eight month wait for
tickets, and great reviews from theater
critics nationwide.
Henley hits Breslin
Henley came back on to play
ev BRIAN MM!iHAu. three encores, including a great
uR-l 11US1c CORRESPON>ENT version of "Desperado· to end the
However, in 1978, two French
songwriters, Alain Boubill and
Claude-Michel Schonberg, conceived
the musical version of Les Miz.
The rock opera was first released
as an album before being performed
in Paris in 1980.
Soon thereafter, British superproducer
Cameron Mackintosh
(Cats, The Phantom of the Opera)
heard the score, and the music
immediately drew him to the project.
Mackintosh sought the services of
directors John Caird and Trevor
Nunn (Starlight Express, Chess) and
a partnership with the Royal
Shakespeare Company, who would
enter the project as rookies to the big
budget musical business.
Then Mackintosh found someone
to write English lyrics for the French
musical. Herbert Kretzmer
succeeded James Fenton as the
lyricist when Fenton's lyrics were
found to be too problematic.
In six months, Kretzmer's work
opened on Britain's West End (the
U.K. equivalent to Broadway) to
fantastic reviews and sell out audl-
Now Les Miz has hit the road, with
11 productions playing worldwide,
including five in North America. Les
Miz will make its second stop at
Wharton in two years this week.
The story revolves around Jean
Valjean, a man convicted of stealing In
order to keep his family from starving.
The musical begins in the year 1815
in the town of Digne, with Valjean's
parole from a chain gang.
The musical depicts the next 17
years of Valjean's life. Once Valjean
breaks parole, Javert, one of the
prison guards in Digne, pursues
Valjean throughout the musical.
Valjean is constantly on the run
from Javert, and the one hurt most by
these travels is his adopted daughter,
Cosette. She finds love in Paris with a
young student, Marius. Marius,
however, chooses to join his fellow
students in the French Revolution.
The story's finale occurs in Paris,
1832, when the first revolutionaries
began their fight.
If you have a ticket to see this
show, consider yourself lucky. If you
don't, get real friendly with someone
who's got an extra As. the billboard
says - Don't Miz Out.
"The first real rock concert at the
Breslin Center, ·or so It was billed by a
0106 DJ, stormed East Lansing
Friday night In the Jack Breslin
Student Events Center .
Months ago the audience would
have been there to watch Jud Heathcote
argue a call, or watch Steve
Smith make an Important steal or
pass, but tonight they were there to
see Don Henley rock the house.
Henley, promoting his most recent
release, The End of the Innocence,
brought The Innocence Mi881on to
open for him. The Innocence Mission,
whose recent self-titled album has
brought them fairly wide critical
acclaim, played a short set that
included several slow songs, but only
one fast song, which prevented the
crowd from really getting into them.
However, once the lights dimmed
for the main event, the crowd was
excited and ready.
Henley fans were not disappointed
this night.
Dressed in a pair of black jeans, a
Reaoh an alternative
audlenDe mlth an
alternative paper -
advertlle In ...
· white shirt, fight grey vest, and a
brown jacket, the former Eagles
drummer and vocalist came out with a
guitar in his hands singing "Driving
with your Eyes Closed· and the crowd
roared Its approval. I think they were
·just happy to see someone playing at
Breslin who didn't fist numerous
performances at the Grand Old Opry
Guitarists John Cory and Frank
Simon blasted out great licks all night,
including numerous exchanges during
"Dirty Laundry·.
Henley took the drums for the
Eagles' classics, "Hotel Cslifornia• and
"Life in the Fast Lane,· keeping a
decent beat while providing the crowd
with soul-filled vocals.
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Often, the crowd's ovations
embarrassed Henley, who just stood
at the microphone with his arms either
folded, or covering his face.
Henley played a 12 song set,
including the title track of his current
album, and a stripped-Oown version of
his current hit "Heart of the Matter-.
The band left the stage, the lights
went dim, and the crowd roared,
wanting more.
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second encore.
As Henley wrapped up his show,
the crowd size and excitement may
encourage the Breslin Center to book
more acts who play rock, or at least
some departure from the country
music scene.
Bagel Fragefueli
Don't forget to vote on this question:
How do you feel about rumors that
John DiBiaggio may leave for Penn
a. I don't care as long as he stays in
the Big 11.
b. I hope he stays.
c. George Perlas will make a good
d. I'm not sure, but he's great as
Grandpa on The Munsters.
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Ed Chavey, Joe Schmidt, Jack Wheatley. uR-1 photo/GARY SMUTS
East Lansing Fellinis take
' third in HBO comedy contest
Anything to Prove My Love,
the three-minute video production
of Ed Chavey, Joe Schmidt, and
Jack Wheatley, is weird.
"We had to be consciously
thinking if it was too weird," admits
In just three hours these guys
created the heart warming story of
boy (Chavey) meets girl
(Wheatley), boy tries to cop a feel,
boy gets his butt kicked by girl,
and boy buys a dog and lifts
weights to get girl back.
The flic~~rned its way in to
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the top five of the HBO Comedy
Channel's nationwide I Love You
to Death Video Competition.
The contest, based on the film
of the same name, required
entries to be under three minutes
and offered a $5,000 prize for the
top video displaying what some
people will do forfove.
Though not the call-in-vote
winner, Anything to Prove My
Love was broadcast April 19 on
the HBO Comedy Channel and
was sarcastically compared by
comedy V.J., Rachel Sweet to
director David Lynch's Twin
It finished a close third in the
balloting, just out of second place.
the East Lansing three also
dabble in writing and illustrating as
occassional correspondents to the
and inot our lives!
call the uR-11
SubPop they're not
But The Walkabouts are still worth a listen
the Walkabouts are a Sub Pop band, but you
wouldn't know it to hear them.
·we are the living epitome of being different from
the Sub Pop sound,• said Michael Welle, bass player
and manager for the.band.
"We have our moments of heaviness, "said
Wells."and we're certainly not wimpy in any way, but we
have a lot more diversity to our music, and we're coming
much more from a folk tradition, in terms of the way we
write our songs and the way we present ourselves.•
The Walkabouts are to Sub Pop what Lueh is to
4AD. They're doing something completelydifferentfrom
the rest of the label's bands, using different instruments
in entirely different ways.
"We incorporate cellos and acoustic instruments
and harmonicas and dulcimers and violins into our
music in a way that none of the other bands on Sub Pop
really care to," said Wells. .
The bands that influence the Walkabouts don't give
away their folk sound at all though. Rather their influences
would leave you up in the air as to what they
would sound like if you had never heard them before.
"W&'ve all listened to a lot of different stuff and all of
that comes into play in our music,• said Wells. "We've·
got influences ranging from Echo and the Bumymen
to Nell Yowig to Sonic Youth: -
But they also dig deeper into the folk scene, with
influences like the Ozark mountain songs. With folk
roots as deep as these, you probably think you have an
idea cl what they sound like.
Wrong I
"Folk music isn't necessarily soft and mellow,• said
Wells. "It can be very intense.•
The Walkabouts' live show isn't like that of a
stereotypical Sub Pop band either. You won't see them
doing stage dives into the audience, and you won't see
their audience headbanging to the beat. -
"We tend to put a little bit more emphasis on our
music than the act,• said Wells. "We do waltzes and
stuff with more involved vocal harmonies and stuff. It's
kinda hard for us to stage dive and do waltzes at the
same time."
This P'and has a pretty good future ahead of ~hem
too. In the immediate future, they will be coming to
B'Zar tonight. Farther off they will be touring Europe,
after which they will be going back into the studio to
work on their nQxt release with producer, Gary Smhh,
who is best known for his work with th9 Pixies and
Throwing Muaea.
The Walkabouts have a very interesting background
and a very interesting sound, and it's definitely
something worth checking out.
Les Miz worth a r,
look at Wharton
The musical version of Victor Hugo's classic
novel of redemption, social stratification, and
revolution, Les Mis8rab/es, returns to the Wharton
Center for the Performing Arts April 24-29, 1990. see Les Ulz, p. 14
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