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University Reporter - Intelligencer, Volume 2, Number 1

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Creator: very, LTD
Subjects: Administration, People, Faculty, Students, Campus
Description: Major stories:
Police busting parties
Blind Pig Law
Editorials
Dr. Andrew Barclay
Out and About
Entertainment - Dead Can Dance, Toy Matinee
Date: September 20, 1990
Format: Text/pdf
Original Format: Broadside
Resource Identifier: A006374.pdf
Collection Number: Serial 990
Language: English
Rights Management: Educational use only, no other permissions given. Copyright to this resource is held by Michigan State University and is provided here for educational purposes only. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without written permission of the University Archives & Historical Collections, Michigan State University.
Contributing Institution: University Archives & Historical Collections
Relation: Serial 990
Text File: Download (13.87 MB)
Transcript: ------ -~--------------- - - --- ----
Yo! We're back and bladder than ever, ou iss ants ...
20
September
1990
Vol. II
No.1
MSU's alternative
and truly
inde endent voice
Police use ·old law in
What's shakin' :
unzip your, er, lip
- Dr. Sex is back!
ofind out what's Op: ...
oColumns! We got columns ...
oRock with the Provoc .. .
o uR-1 Fun Page is back .. .
Ofind Out what's About .. .
o Geek of the Week ..
p. 4
p. 5+
p. 5
p. 8
p. 9
p. 11
E.L. to students:
• new carnpa1gn Blind pigs won't fly
Bv M.L.
ELRICK
uR-1 SPECIAL
CORRESPOt«>ENT
More than
half a century
ago, Prohibition-
era police
in big cities
began using a
new state
statute to raid
underground
clubs, blind
pigs and
speakeasies
where the key
to the door
was often a
password
whispered in
smokey
rooms by
close acquaintances.
Today,
police in some
coUege towns
are using that
samelawnow
57 years
old - to
BvT1M
'~ SILVERTHORN
uR-1 MANAGING
EDITOR
The beer
stops here.
Students
are irate that
the under-
·cover blind
pig operations
that rolled
large parties
to a halt last
year will
continue this
fall ..
"Any
opportunity
we have to
identify such
activities will
be utilized,
and that's
(the underbreak
up large
student
parties where ELPD clears a student from MSU kicker John Langeloh's post-football party Oct. 21. He was one of
$2 or $3 several people arrested and charged for operating a blind pig. uR-1 photo/LEWIS GEYER 11
cover operations)
pretty
much the only
way we
have," said
Tom Dority,
East Lansing
city manager.
~ · However,
some stuopens
the door to all the beer you Hedman was the ninth time in the dents are an"gered by the under- anything happens (at the party), to
can drink. 1989-90 school year that a cover operations. go in hunting for them, is wrong,"
Last spring's arraignment of student had been charged for a "I think for police to treat says packaging major Greg
20-year-old MSU student Bron See OLD LAW, p. 10 students like criminals before See NOPE, ~- 2
fjif@j·1fllliii§§J.ltj•ii;(.]tili@ji·ZllltiJi'itHi'j·lilQ@Mj<·Jii·>«l(f:i!@@it@il~fi·lfll@WUft'iM11f&!iit·lil
2 • university Reporter-Intelligencer 20 September 1990
From NOPE, p. 1
Fomasiero.
"With the problem we have
with people selling drugs all over
campus, I don't think selling
alcohol is as serious a problem;
he added.
"They don't need to come In
here undercover; said business
major Heather Van Dam, who
lives on Charles Street, one of the
primary areas targeted for enforcement.
"Our house is private: .
Dority said the operations are
justified by rampant underage
drinking and large, often violent
parties.
"last October, at the party
where blind pig violations were
issued at a house on Spartan
Street, there were people all over
the streets and complaints from
several blocks away; Dority said.
"There's nothing wrong with
parties - in a college town you
expect that - but when you get
400, 500 students, it gets out of
hand," Capt. Richard Murray said.
Dority also said that students
attending blind pigs can receive a
misdemeanor attendance ticket,
though no such citations were
given out last year.
"If people were to obstruct or
give officers trouble, those individuals
would certainly be particular!
vulnerable " Dori said.
Fomasiero said that although
it's ridiculous for people to go
around having parties and not
know who's coming in, people
should still pretty much be able to
do what they want. He also said
that he wasn't sure that the felony
charge is appropriate to the crime.
Said Van Dam: "We're college
students. These are our last fun
days - we're not hurting anybody:
'What the hell else are we
supposed to do; we're bored,"
said Leisa Thompson, an interdiciplinary
humanities major.
"My life has been hell for the
last few months," said Amy Allen,
a 23-year-old from Grand Blanc
who spent time in jail on a blind
pig conviction this summer after
graduating from MSU.
Allen said that enforcement of
the statute means a whole new
ballgame in East Lansing.
"I don't think partying in
general is going to decrease, but I
think people are going to think
twice before holding a big bash
that they charge money for," she
said. "There's not going to be any
more of this good old-fashioned
charging at the door stuff like
there used to be."
Police Chief Tom Hendricks
was unavailable for comment on
the undercover operations or .
violence at the arties.
the uR-I is looking for a few
good men (and women) - and
we won't even send you
anywhere sand will get in your
undies ... WE NEED:
•news and entertainment correspondents;
•photographers and artists;
•advertising account execs.
call 353-0040 or 372-6562
to enlist. ACT NOW, GRUNT!
the university Reporter-Intelligencer
·Page Three
The Second Front Page
/ Blind pig law is gone, but not
forgotten and now back again
Bv GREG GILLESPIE
AND M.L ELRICK
uR-1 CORRESPONDENTS
From Prohibitions roots, the
blind pig statute has come a long
way.
Originally used with laws
designed to halt the illegal liquor
trade across the Detroit River, the
statute has been brought out of the
closet to prosecute students in
college towns.
When the statute was passed,
it is almost cerain that legistators
didn't envision its use against
college students. Rather, the blind
pig law was the offspring of Prohibition,
brought about in Michigan in
1918 by a combination of a growing
nationwide temperance movement
and the influence of tea-totaller
Henry Ford. Michigan was the first
state to ban all production and sale
of.liquor.
Two years later, the Prohibition
Act became the 18th Amendment
to the U.S. Constitution.
A proponent of Prohibition,
Ford was worried that thousands of
immigrant workers flooding into
Detroit would fall prey to the
demons of tobacco and liquor. He
formed a Department of Sociology
within the Ford Motor Company to
check his employees' homes and
awarded bonuses for clean living.
However, the "noble experiment"
backfired. Rum-running
across the Detroit river became
rampant and hundreds of saloons,
coined blind pigs and speakeasies,
sprung up throughout the city of
D.etroit. The illegal liquor trade
employed an estimated 50,000
people in Michigan alone, making it
one of the state's largest employers
- second only to Ford Motor
Company.
This caused a dramatic aboutface.
Prohibitionists who actively
campaigned for the law were now
calling for its repeal. By the late
1920s, organized crime had moved
into Detroit and was contributing to
the lawlessness and corruption
already tearing the city apart.
Detroit's notorious Purple Gang
was the first mob to move into the
illegal liquor trade. Led by the
Bernstein brothers; they murdered
and bribed their way to being nearly
the exclusive supplier of illegal
liquor. They were eventually
overthrown by the Black Hand, a
group of Sicilian immigrants linked
to Mafia families in Chicago and
New York.
Ironically, Michigan, the first
state to enact Prohibition, in 1933
became the first state to repeal it.
Repeal proponents said that
legalizing the liquor industry would
pull the country out of the 1929
Depression. Legitimate saloons ·
reopened; and the most popular
song of the times became "Happy
Days Are Here Again."
Police clear students from
Cedar Village Oct. 14. The
following weekend, the first
blind pig arrests were made. -
uR-1 photo/MATTHEW GOEBEL
The Purple Gang and Black
Hand moved on to a deserted spot
in Nevada - which eventually rose
from the dust to be crowned Las
Vegas - and President Franklin
Delano Roosevelt's country thought
that the days of blind pigs were a
thing of the past.
For decades, they were in fact
right. But as police in college towns
sought to control the excesses of
the 60s and 70s, the blind pig law
niade a comeback.
In the 1980's, Kalamazoo and
Mt. Pleasant police began to crack
down on their respective Lafayette
Street and End of the World parties,
with some success. Until recently,
though, East Lansing's semi-annual
Cedarfest remained a blight in the
college town of more than 53,000.
Enter the blind pig statute.
To wipe out the party, city
ordinances were passed and police
patrols beefed up. Last fall, after a
one-year Cedarfest lull, East
Lansing and state police staged a
massive mobilization to prevent a
recurrance of the destruction and
violence which caused about
$5,000 in damage when 3,000
people rampaged after the MSU-U
of M football game.
Hoping to stop such mass
partying, which often spills over into
residential areas where loud noise,
littering and trespassing have
caused residents to complain,
Ingham county prosecutors found
- and East Lansing police invoked
- the blind pig law.
Last spring, like in many
college towns, large parties were
conspicuously absent in East
Lansing, Capt. Richard Murray
says, in part due to city efforts to
inform students that big parties will
be broken up. Police are also using
undercover officers to break up the
big parties that do occur, he said.
Trombley said Mt. Pleasant has
seen large-scale partying decrease,
and students are accepting the
philosophy that bigger is not better.
Kalamazoo has also seen
partying fall off, and DoHman said
the Lafayette Street party is
basically a thing of the past.
In Ann Arbor, partying "seems
to be on the downturn - if not, at
least it's controlled at an acceptable
tolerance," Conn Said.
"I credit that with the students,"
he said.
However~ all agreed partying would
continue - even if on a smaller, morecontrolled
scale.
E.L. officials blind to
reason
So, you want
to have a party.
Call some friends
and tell them to
invite some
friends. You'll
want to buy a keg
for sixty bucks at
the local party
store and to
defray the cost,
· of course you'll
ask that partiers
pay 3 bucks to
drink all they
want. After all,
you're putting
your house up for
grabs for a
night- you
shouldn't have to
I
f
. l -- ;- -· ---·-
,. '·
--;Jr ·
those pigs!
street. Book 'em,
Dano. -·-I 1 Underage
------,- --· drinking? Are they
,_.,.:;...;. _ ..;·:.-..-.:.A. serious? Dear
.'1l,-Arr 1 le.·, ,, .l Police: This summer
rLcn'>c; {Ttc..r · 1 students from
A It} --- c· : · Okemos and East
1'~''1A#r-£.1£fJ ' Lansing High
C /v v' v - ·· L- School held 200 to
~ PCUCJ --.·r ,. 500 person blind
pigs practically
· - - -~---.!! -.- EVERY NIGHT at a
I___ __ J . . . l place called The -I .. --, Trestle. It is in East
l
,- · ;_~ 1 Lansing and if you
didn't know about it,
feeldum~
I - --::i---
because you are. Or
are you just interested
in roaming
around in your civis
pay for beer too,
right? Well, that
alldepends on
whether you 've
..- -------------.....-.-...... --..-..-,-,-.-.-,-,,,,========-_J mlooakrkin. gT hfoers aen a erea sy
always wanted an all-expenses paid trip
to Dewitt's fabulous 1,000 bar hotel, the
Ingham County Sheratime. Oh, and
don't forget your bail money.
Jail? Yes, that's the price several
MSU students paid last school year for
being the menaces to society that they
were by hosting this type of party.
Regular convict material, those two
meek girls who visited Ingham County's
most popular trade school this summer.
One of them, Amy Allen, declined to be
interviewed except to say that her life
has been hell for the last few months.
But wait, isn't hell for eternity? Well, had
Allen wanted to even think about this
nightmare anymore, undoubtably she
would have brought up the fact that this
FELONY CONVICTION will follow her
for the rest of her life. Well, maybe if it
keeps her from getting a job, she can
go into one of the many trades she
may have learned informally at the
house 'o doors.
Anyway, Amy didn't kill anybody for
their gym shoes. Didn't steal from an
old lady to feed her crack habit, either.
Heck, there weren't even any fights at
her party, nobody hurt. All Amy did was
sell cups to undercover police at the
door of her shin-dig. Clink.
.. The reasons that the East Lansing
Pohce Department give for their undercover
campaign to end blind pigs are
that alcohol drivenviolence and underage
drinking have run rampant through
uR-1 artwork/JACK WHEATLEY felOnies you're
town, largely as the result of large,
uncontrollable pay-for-drink parties.
The first problem is that the ELPD
hasn't established that violence is
directly related to blind pigs in particular.
What abqut other large parties
where the beer is free? What law would
cover those? Under the current laws, a
peaceful blind pig would put students in
jail while a violent party with free
drinks .... well, the 'ol wrist slap-unless
you are a repeat nuisance, which is a
$1,000 fine and an extra hard wristslap.
Besides that, eyewitnesses report
that at least three of the five or six
parties broken. up were peaceful,
ordinary college parties. In fact, the only
roughing around was reportedly done
by the cops themselves. ls.this starting
to sound more and more like a war on
peaceful, ordinary college parties, or
what? While we're at it, maybe this is a
good place to mention that the cops
failed to return, say, a hundred zillion
calls we made over the last three weeks
while we were just trying to get their
side of the story. Since when is EL.Vice
so flinchy? Since when is Chief Tom
Hendricks only the public servant of
people he wants to deal with? City manager
Tom Dority painted a pretty
gruesome picture of the E.L. party
scene, though. Dority said that one
party that was busted on Spartan Ave.
actually had people standing in the
handing out here, guys, so shouldn't
you at least prioritize them?
Okay, back to the Edtorial. Officials
in East Lansing and elsewhere have
admitted that the crack-down's primary
effect is to make parties smaller and
more numerous. Well, would they rather
have drinking in a nice big social
setting, or people sitting around alone in
their rooms getting drunk. Because for
one thing, large parties don't cause
massive alcohol consumption-boredom
does. Low self-esteem does.
Stress does also. By stifling the only
outlets available to young people for
release of these pressures, officials are
only perpetuating the problem. How
about exploring positive alternatives to
boredom, low self-esteem and stress?
Hell, before, we were drunk and a little
rambunctous, but now we're just
listless, bored and stressed. Out of the
bottle and into the gutter, so to speak.
But watch out, this just might be the
year that the students take back this
town. This is our campus. This is our
city. Our numbers say so, our dollars
say so and we will say so.
And to the people who file noise
complaints on Saturday night from five
blocks away from these partiesnobody
made you buy a house in a
college town, dipshit. Move someplace
like Dewitt; rumour has it that there's
plenty of peace and quiet
there ... especially in jail.
the
university
Reporter-Intelligencer
?O September 1990
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20 September 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer ·5
Dr.Andrew
Barclay
Watch out for
dr. sex's drool
- he's back to
school (wicki
wicki wicki)
I always love coming back to
school in the fall, maybe because it's
football season and I get a chance to
watch big guys knocking the crap out
of each other. If I had been born in
Roman times, I know I would have
been a regular at teh Arena to watch
the lions eat Christians or slaves
trying to kill each other for a top spot
by the Emperor's right hand. Of
course, that's what football is really all
about, isn't it, the chance to sit by
George's right hand at the Awards
Banquet and get your name in the
paper. Nothing has changed all that
much in 2,000 years, especially when
it Gomes to men.
It is hard to believe that I have
done 23 fall football seasons at MSU
but I have. I was thinking the other
day of all the tailgate parties I have
Greetings, blister-lickers!
been to, how tanked up we used to
get before a game, and how great
football games used to look through
the bleary haze that comes over the
eyes after two or three six-packs.
Watch any beer commercial and it is
obvious that football and beer go
together.
What really bums me out, though,
is how beer has been replaced by
steroids these days-real men don't
tarik up on beer before, during and
after the game-they go to the gym
and get huge. I understand the
season ticket people are having to
assign two seats per peson to some
fraternities whose names I will not
publish here since such illegal drug
use would probably bring down a raid
from that most dreaded police agency:
East Lansing Vice. Way to go guys-go
out there and get really HUGE>
But I digress. Twenty-three years
of football and starting classes in the
fall. When I first came here from the
University of Minnesota (where I
earned my Ph.D.), I was shocked by
how warm it was in October. Shoot, by
October at the U (as we called it) we
already had 30 cm of snow and the .
temperatures were already pushing -8
at night. It wasn't until I had lived in
Minnesota for a year that I realized
there wasn't even one single tree
between Minneapolis and the damned
Arctic Circle. Those winds would
come howling down Hennepin Avenue
and across the bridge linking the East
and West Bank campus. We have
nothing' like that here (Unless you are
waiting for a bus on Michigan Avenue
.just east of the Capitol or standing
outside the. East IM waiting to pump
up).
I was into science in a big way
when I came here, especially the
science of sex and aggression,
because I had discovered as a Yale
undergrad that making people angry
makes them more likely to engage in
sex. None of my friends at Yale c:Ould
understand why my dates always
appeared to be so angry. Simple, I
would always tell them the rotten
things other women in their dorms had
said about them. It was better than
sending them flowers or a funny,
huggy greeting card. Of course, they
were pretty angry on the way home
W:t.er the date too.
Be that as it may, I have always
been into sex since I discovered it
about the age of two (at least that's
when I remember discovering it. My
aunt says she met me when I was 14
months old . .I laid my head in her lap
and tried to hit on her). But let me be
the first to point out that most men are
like this, we discover sex early and
spend the rest of our lives trying to
figure out what the hell to do with it.
I don't know why, but since I was
a youngster (I was going to say
"small" but I don't like using that word
in the same sentence with "I" or "me,")
people always came up to me and
began conversations having to do with
sex or their sex problems so I figured:
Hey, why not write a newspaper
column or teach a class about the
things that most interested me and
that is when DR. SEX was born. For a
while the ITV people even had a
videotape that showed DR. SEX
emerging full blown, as it were, from
my head a lot like Athena coming out
of the head of Zeus, but I think the
Provost's Office made them burn it.
Thank God in his, her, or it's miraculous
wisdom for small favors .
Which leads me to one of several
letters I recieved last year but couldn't
answer because of a lack of space
and time to wit: ·
Dear Dr. Sex,
What is it about my boyfriend that
makes him fall asleep after we have
sex? I love to talk or cuddle afterward
and it seems like no sooner do I have
an orgasm when he is out like a light.
What can I do to keep him awake
longer after we have made love?
· -Dorrie
Dear Dorrie,
This happens because men's first
orgasm during sex comes from
tension held in their muscles. The
orgasm releases the tens.ion and,
once the muscles are relaxed, it is
easy to drop right off. Many men learn
to fall asleep as a youth by masterbating
to relieve the tensions of the
day and it becomes a habit. Even
when we are involved in a more
serious relationship, this habit may
persist.
Break the habit by rubbing his
muscles (let him rub you too) to relax
when you want to go to sleep. Save
sex play for times when you are going
to stay awake. Try doing it earlier in
the day like first thing in the morning
or a nooner. Many people find daytime
sex energizing rather than enervating.
Interestingly enough, women's
muscle tension often blocks an
orgasm while men's enhances
theirs ... another interesting and often
conflict-producing difference between
the sexes. Actually, you are very lucky
he stays awake long enough for you
td have an orgasm yourself. Zzzzzz.
Questions for the good doc can be
sent through campus mail to his office
at 454 Baker, do Vickie and Cheri. Dr.
Barclay's column shows up here each
and every week during the term- and
only in the UR-I!
Hocus Pocus ... rhymes with mucus!
Horror Transvestite Show is about to be released
on home video. Sounds good to me,
let's keep all the weirdoes indoors, like, say,
those geeks at The State We're-Really-Anlndependent-
Paper,-Really!-lgnore-The-MSUTax
News.
Cheap shot you say? Not at nearly a halfmillion
a year, it ain't, chuckleheads.
Good news, dudes! Forget the Ninja Turtles,
Speed Racer is out on home video.
Hear about the shanties coming down? Appar~
ntly they were detracting from the beauty of
Wells Hall.
Yeah, right. That's like Madonna detracting
from the beauty of Sean "Glass Nose" Penn.
Nice job in Shanghai Surprise, though.
What's with the Breslin Center anyway? First
Diana Ross, then Milli Vanilli, next The New
Kids?
I could kick Donnie's ass with one arm tied
behind my back.
So you see it's a new year and I've already
snuck mucus into a headline - it's going to
be a great year, I can feel it in my diapers!
But you missed the ole Provoc, didn't you?
Without me watching and persecuting you,
life was pretty dull, I'm sure.
Got my first cartoonal rise watching Trixie lube
Speed's Mach 5.
Vroom!
In case you missed it over the summer, tuition
went up again.
So what else is new? Definitely not DiB's
hairdo .... still looks like Granpa Munster to me.
Don't even think about coming over and doing
anything about it either, Drac, er, ah, Mr.
President - I sleep in a garlic New Kids on the
Block nightshirt.
'Course, that's if I'm not strapped into my plane
seat.
Hangin' tough (just like one of them dried up
rock snots you always pull all your nose hairs
out trying to pick}.
Yeech.
Guess what my mom gave me for my birthday?
·A clue to her identity. Ouch.
Enough of this snivelling, though; MSU's
already not-won a football game and there's
lots of George Per/es bashing to be done,
right brudder?
so LErs DO THE TIME WARPed AGAIN!
Which brings me to our first item ... Yep, Rocky
But if you wanna come over for some stake,
just phone ahead, willya? Hey, who let that bat
in!?!
At the end of newspaper stories we usually put
the rough equivalent of a football player's IQ.
We type "30.'
Ok, so we estimated a bit on the high end ...
6 • university Reporter-Intelligencer 20 September 1990
Ralph
Heibutzki
I 11•,1~m;~' I
BRIXTON, England - As I write
this week, USA Today tells me that 12
states may pass laws which would
require record companies to slap
warning labels on their albums. Record
covers in Arizona, Florida; and Missouri
(to name three of the states) would
carry yellow stickers, glowing like
radioactive waste, warning you if little
Johnny's idol enjoys straddling sheep
and goats.
Now all you New Kids On The
Block fans should sleep easier tonight!
Here in England, we all await what
happens when rap's reigning gods,
Public Enemy, play Brixton Academy
tonight. For those unfamiliar with the
area, Brixton is a heavily ,black district
in south London whose image problems
are comparable to Detroit's. I've
seen four shows since I came over
here, and I've never had any problems,
but nobody's believed me--ever since I
bought my ticket.
Here's what everyone's been
telling me ever since:
A ticket agent down at the University
of London: "Oh, man, you're going
to Brixton? Better bring a knife!·
(Whether he's ever been to Brixton, I'm
not sure, but the only knife I could bring
is from the hostel kitchen ... and I doubt
if that'll do me much good.)
Deb
Miller
About 20 assorted Michigan State
University administrators, Department
of Public Safety officials and grounds
people must have had a good time the
morning of June 12. They must have
gotten up early. Th~y must have
eaten well-rounded breakfasts - the
flavors further accentuated by their
gleeful anticipation of the morning's
agenda Finally. they were going to
get those radical disturbance-causing
peace-mongering delinquent students
who had been marring the pleasant
For those who need permission
to rock (V\Je salute you)
My roommate, somewhere to the
right of Genghis Khan: "Bring your gun.
I heard on the radio there might be
violence •. and the tube station will
probably be closed: (Of course, you've
got a finance degree, and you support
the Republican Party, which basically
convinced voters last November that it's
all right to electrocute and poison
blacks, even while aid to the inner cities
is non-existent, so what would YOU
know, you pinstriped stormtrooper?)
The manager of my hostel: "I'd
avoid that area if I were you, and !
wouldn't bring my tape recorder
there .. it's going to be too heavy: (But
the fact remains: I don't care if Charles
Bronson's playing Brixton Academy and
machine-gunning the audience, as long
as I get a good quality bootleg tape out
of the experience!)
A University of London co-worker: "I
heard there'll be a big Jewish demonstration:
(Fine. As long as I can step
over their pickets and wave my ticket to
get inside.)
After all this hysteria, I must ask
myself, has the Ayatollah taken over.
Mrs. Thatcher's job from beyond the
grave?
Still, Public Enemy have shot themselves
in the foot lately. For those who
don't know, here's a crash course.
Public Enemy contain a notorious
"Minister of Information· in their ranks, a
mild-mannered fellow named Professor
Griff. Last summer, he caused an
uproar by telling a Washington Post
reporter that Jews "were the source of
wickedness in the world," and that ldi
Amin "was a great leader: The group
fired him, then reinstated him in a minor
role, where he has since remained.
Unlike last year, when Public
Enemy played England, Professor
Griff will be allowed into the country,
so we can assume he's along for the
ride. A~ the tour becan this week in
Birmingham (March 21 ), council
authorities there tried gently "persuading"
the club owner to call the show
off. Manchester councilors attempted
the same stunt.
The end result? well, as far as I
know, Birmingham and Manchester
are still standing, and we're all
unscathed.
I've not seen this kind of hyseria
since the Sex Pistols toured America.
Whether it's in Arizona or Manchester,
authorities overreact whenever a
band says mor than "Darlin', I love ya
till the day I die: In England, this
leads to ludicrous consequences. As
part of a local government bill last
year, Mrs. Thatcher's minions
rammed Clause 28 through parliment,
which prohibits coun~ils from funding
projects which "promote homosexuality:
Is this done by passing out "BE
GAY TODAY- leaflets? I would like to
know!
When conniving career politicians
decide what's good or bad for
the rest of us, we slide down a slope
from which no recovery is possible.
Isn't it strange when paranoid exCommunists
actually trust their
citizens a little more, while American
and English political hacks trust us
quite a bit less?
I don't like Professor Griff or what
he purports to stand for, nor do I
approve of Public Enemy's indecisive
handling of him. But no council authority
in Birmingham or Manchester
should decide my right to see them.
My own experience has taught me
that people instinctively fear what
they don't understand, but reaching
for the chastity best will hardly solve
our problems.
If those 12 state leg islatures
really wish to do more for American
teenagers, as they claim, why not
allow them such options as contraception,
better education, and
funding for local arts? The same
Wednesday issue of USA Today
tells me that an American chi ld is
five times more likely to die by
violence than a European child.
This is a sad statistic, and
somehow, I'm not sure that dayglo
warning labels will dent it.
Meanwhile, I intend to go to
Brixton Academy, and see what the
fuss is all about. When I've seen
shows there, I'm amazed at the
scene: policemen every couple feet,
metal barracades facing the front
steps, an ambulance parked nearby,
and a sign on the door: " ANYONE
CAUGHT DEALING DRUGS TONIGHT
WILL BE HANDED OVER
TO THE POLICE:
Yet, I've seen no violence, no
drugs (except pot) being dealt, and
the ambulance driver has been left
to peacefully ogle his favorite Page
Three Girl.
Either Brixton's inhabitants are
far more peaceable than anyone
imagined, or else the police simply
fear blacks more than they admit.
As for those unfortunate enough
to live in Arizona, of Florida, or
Missouri, I only say:
For those who need permission
to rock ... we salute you.
Shanty vet: Police need charm school!
beauty of the hallowed environs of the
MSU campus.
Approximately seven a.m. of this
portentous morning I was awakened
to the sound of voic~s outside the
CELA (Committee for Education on
Latin America) shanty protesting
· military aid to El Salvador in which I
had been sleeping. A disembodied
arm reached through the blanket
serving as a door to the shanty,
ominously flourishing a silver DPS
badge. A voice from beyond the
blanket intoned, "Time to get up folks.
Get your things packed up and come
on out."
Groaning to myself incredulously,
I rolled over for a more comfortable
position and tried to go back to sleep.
It had not been an easy night due to
the necessity of constructing a makeshift
roof during a sudden and steady
rainfall. It was still drizzing and I now
had a cold and wanted my sleep.
Besides, I had not had my breakfast.
Our rather rude visitor5 had no
sympathy for all of this as they began
lresidence, and then audaciously
pulled my blankeUdoor to one side.
See MILLER, p. 11
20 S~ptember 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer ·7
Most of this information was culled
from my friend Ernie. He's not the
same Ernie who was mentioned in A
Child's Garden of Grass. But if you
happen to find that book, perhaps in
Special Collections, it is well worth the
time to read it. Incidentally, Ernie now
has a fabulous job with the state
department in Lansing. He recycles
those information booklets you can
get from Pueblo, Colorado, changes
and .few names and dates, and then
heads off to Lake Lansing for .an
afternoon siesta.
:_s/uggo_
I. REGISTRATION
(A) Expediency Classes-whenever
possible, pick up an extra class
during registration, especially if your
parents pay or you are on an unlimited
scholarship: this will help in drops and
adds giving you better mobility and ·
leverage. You also get a nice fat
check from the University around the
eighth week of class when you're
almost totally broke.
(B) Closed Classes- you ~ get
into closed classes. First beg the prof;
tell him/her that you'll do anything to
get in, say you'll sit on the floor if you
have to. Once you get the add card,
you'll never have to sit on the floor
unless you always come late to class.
Accompanying this strategy are
several good excuses:
This is my last term ...
I need this to graduate ...
I might not be in school after this
term due to ...
(C) Reserved Classes-this is
slightly more difficult. Say, for two
terms you've wanted to get into a
Management class, but the only
sections left for Arts and Letters ·
majors are at 6am twenty miles from
campus. Between terms change your
major to business, ·and then change
back after you've gotten the class you
want.
II. GOING TO CLASS
(A) Getting a 2.0---either go to
class and never do the readings; or do
all of the readings and never go to
class.
(B) Getting a 3.0-don't miss any
more than three class sessions, do
Scamming refined to a fine art
most of the readings by "academic
roulette,· ask the prof questions he
can't answer satisfactorily, and go to
office hoars whether you need them or
not.
(C) Getting a 4.0-love and
breathe the fucking shit, but you'll
never have any fun.
Ill. TAKING NOTES
Taking notesis probably the most
integral part of your academic success.
It is also probably the most timeconsuming.
The reason we take notes
is really limited and highly questionable.
For many professors, notes are a
self-gratifying thing. Notes give profs
the illusior1 that they are writing their
own little book, and with a captive
audience, everyone is scurrying
around to write it down and read it.
Unfortunately, if these people had
anything new to present they would
have puplished a real book (see
BOOKS). Many professors lecture
straight out of the required course
books. In this case, you don't have to
write anything down, simply read the
book. And then there are profs who
like to fool you. These are the ones
who lecture for 45 minutes and then
say, "that was just .for your enjoyment,
you don't have to know it." Unless you
are a dedicated sycophant, you've just
wasted three-quarters of an hour
when you could have been taking a
nap.
You can nap and still get the
valuable notes. Here's how:
METHOD I-Borrowing
At most institutions you can
borrow notes from people. At cutthroat
institutions like U of M, you
cannot. For these readers, go on to
methods II and Ill. To borrow notes,
find a friendly face, use a flimsy
excuse as to why you haven't been to
class in three weeks. and then run to
the nearest copy machine.
METHOD II-Fat Chicks and
Slimy Dudes
You haven't been to class all term
and you're starting to get worried. You
should be worried, but not frantic. Go
to class early and sit next to the fattest
chick or slimiest dude (as appropriate)
you can find. Befriend her/him. Ignore
her figgling jowels or his greasestained
collar. Tell the F.C./S.D. that
you'd like to study with them for the
final. They'll be overwhelmed, and
you'll have a complete set of notes.
They are easy prey because all they
ever do anyway is study. Under no
circumstance should you ever give
them your last name or real telephone
number.
METHOD 111- "Taking• Notes
I've never done this but Ernie tells
me it's an effective desperation tactic.
Once again, go to cJass early, very
early. Invariably there are uptight
bitches who show up an hour before
class, put down all their stuff, and then
go take a dump or change their tampons.
The key, Ernie says, is to take
her er:itire notebook. The benefits are
two-fold: she doesn't screw up the
curve by getting a perfect score on the
final, and you have .a fine set of notes
for very little output.
IV. BOOKS
Course books are just as important
as notes, but much more difficult
to scam. If you must buy a book for a
class, you'll never get the same
money back for it. Some profs require
you to buy their own bookS, and
stores ~buy them back. Luckily,
these cheesey profs always lecture
from their own books, so you won't
really have to buy it anyway. Ernie
tells me that for some classes he'd
just go to the bookStore every week
and read the chapter summaries.
The cost of books frequently determines
the choice of a major. If you
choose engineering or business, you
can reasonably expect to spend as
much as $3,aaa over a four year span
for books, many of which will become
useless once you've left collage. If you
major in English, the cost of books
over a four year span is nothing. Just
check all your books out from the
library. Of course you'll want to tell
your folks that you'll need $15a for
books so you can eat lots of pizza and
maybe blow some grass once in
awhile.
If you want to keep some of those
treasured masterpieces, the library will
give them to you. Most modern
libraries have anti-theft devices in
each book consisting of a narrow
metal band glued to the binding.
When you check out a book, the band
is neutralized at the checkout
counter. If you find a book you want to
keep, simply remove the metal strip
with a long pair of hemostats. Put the
book in your backpack and walk away.
Ernie has a gorgeous collection of
books at home to verify this.
You can also take textbooks from
study carels at the library, but don't try
to sell them back. The bookstores are
very wise to this sort of thing. Ernie
once tried to sell back three copies of
Principles of Accounting, but managed
to escape before the police arrived.
V. SCAMMING THE PROF
You've done everything you can
to prepare for the big exam, but you
are still unconfident. You can get out
of it, even though it is not going to be
any easier.
· Go to the health center and think
sick. Smoke lots of cigarettes (especially
if you don't smoke), hold your
breath before they take your blood
pressure, make yourself puke if you
have to. Ernie says that a couple of
good upchucks beats the hell out of a
a.a on your transcripts.
Excuses - the best excuses are
actually half-truths. When you start
coming up with total lies, you don't
know when to stop. The best excuses
are the elaborate and far-fetched
ones. Excuses like these work well:
graphic accounts of diarrhea
(Remember key terms like "cronic
dehydration/fatigue•)
divorcing parents
interviewing in New York
abortions
These excuses are no longer
acceptable:
grandparents are dying
having your period
had a flat tire
just took a test in other fascist
prof's class
Sometimes you'll run into a professor,
who with all their academic
training, insist on being assholes.
Some reasons for this inelude that
they'd rather be at Harvard, their
siblings are making three times their
salary as gynecologists and brokers,
or their spouses won't put out. These
instructors are known as "Incorrigible
Profs.· Incorrigible profs will not
accept fill¥ excuses. You can scam ·an
incorrigible prof, but you can only do it
once.
Go to the classroom about two
hours before your exam. Write on the
board in BIG, BOLD letters (preferrably
not in your handwriting): the class,
the date, the prof, and the fact that the
exam has been CANCELLED! The
Professor will be furious, but as you
show up at the regularly scheduled
time, half the class will have already
left, and you now have at least twentyfour
more hours to study.
• university Reporter-Intelligencer . 20 September 1990
Page,
Vol. v . AUTHENTIC. u~,,I
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20 September 1990 . university Reporter-Intelligencer • 9
OUT and ABOUT
®®®®©@®®®®G@OG®G@@O®®©@@
A.EAST LANSING 25-30:SheerThreat
®iJ'@@IJil ©@©IJ'
20-23 Sept.: Uptown Band
24: Blue Avenue Delegates
·2s: Capitol City Band
26-30: Uptown Band
!Ml©IJ'D~IJ'UW11~
21 Sept.: Brian McAllister
22: Not Afraid Trio
lruO@lk10
20 Sept.: Hannibal's
21 : Duke Tomatoe
22: Trinidad Tripoli Steel Band
23: Freeman and the Chasers
24: Satta
25:Skor
26: Goober and the Peas
$00\¥J@IJ' ©©00~11 $~0©©11il
20-23 Sept.: Axel Brice
$1Jilil~aa iF>O~IJilcaU
20 Sept.: Big Red
21" We Be Cats
22: Born Naked
. 23: Crosstalk
25: Acoustic Night
26: Electric Rain
/AilQDo
20 Sept.: Troubleshooters
21 : Joe Acuff
22: Unde Jesse White & the 29th
Street Blues Band
23: Louisana Heat
lmd.t•ir"• CC•Jlb>4Mlnl loao~•
21 -22 Sept.: Straight Ahead
fez
21 Sept.: Sam Kinison
chec~ us out at Mariah Productions
if ~ou'd li~e to ~et involved in live alternative
music production/promotion
no experi•e nce necessary
r! 318 Union Bldg. 3~3-46~4 ,A.~~~~~1
ctMiDOm~mio
20 Sept.: Steve Gornall & the Blue
Collar Blues Band
21 -22: Mimi Harris & the Snakes
16&11Dllil @:!IJm~IJ'
20 Sept.: world Party with Jellyfish
22: Circle Jerks
25: The Hummingbirds
llJ®imJ l!))lt'clJ.t•o
21 Sept.: Urbations
22: The Butler Twins
IPllJIDl!o•it•
20 Sept.: Vavoom with the Beat
Machine
· 21 : Gr:anfalloon with Trust Fund and
Happy Tom
22: The Gear with Laughing Hick &
Big Richard
1l'1ba 1Rill1lli
21 Sept.: Warrior Soul
22: D.C. Drive
23: Doro
26: Extreme
li'l!!h7w li'l!®20 Sept.: I-Tai
~ l!lljp !:(Dim lliJ@IJil
21 Sept.: Junior Valentine
22: Sugar Blue
~oow·=
20 Sept.: Kenny Neal with Lucky
Peterson and Silent Partners
21 : Tinsley Ellis
22: Joanna Connor
to celebrate FREE SPEECH
behind Wells Hall and International Center
Featuring:
The Hannibals
w/ guest: Pickle Brown Betty
Sunday,Sept.23,1990
1 pm to 6 pm
admission: FREE
1 O. university Reporter-Intelligencer 20 September 1
From OLD LAW, p. 1
blind pig in Ingham County as
East Lansing police cracked
down on keg parties at MSU.
Looking for a way to bust
up large, often destructive
parties, East Lansing police
turned to the 57-year-old
statute:
Capt. Richard Murray said.
"We checked with the
prosecuter's office and they
said 'let's go with the blind pig
rule'."
The 1933 law prohibits the
sale of alcohol without a liquor
license, which must be issued
by the Michigan Liquor Control
Commission. The statute was
amended in 1980 to prohibit
cover charges and other consideration,
said Kim Eddie,
Ingham County chief assistant
prosecutor. It is a felony,
carrying a maximum sentence
of one year in jail and a $1,000
fine.
Amended, the statute
covers parties common around
college campuses. It forbids
the sale of beer in package
deals, such as free beer in
exchange for money paid for
· raffles, donations or cups,
Eddie said.
Murray said police gave
been very successful using the
law.
East Lansing also isn't the
only college town armed with
the statute to eliminate large
"Animal House" style parties -
characterized by numerous
kegs, mass beer consumption
and rampant destruction.
Although East Lansing's
nine cases are the city's first in
years using the blind pig law,
the uR-1 i
looking for
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Mt. Pleasant, Kalamazoo and
Ypsilanti police routinely send
undercover officers to investigate
suspected blind pigs.
"We've been investigating
blind pig arrests since I came
here in 1980," said Martin
Trombley, Mt. Pleasant director
of Public Safety. He estimated
that his officers make
roughly a dozen arrests each
year on blind pig charges.
Kalamazoo police Capt.
Scott Dolfman said his <;fepartment
started to crack down on
heavy partying in 1984, charging
partiers with sale of liquor
without a license.
Similarly, Ypsilanti police
have sent undercover police
into Eastern Michigan University
parties, but haven't had
problems with excessive
partying, said crime prevention
unit Officer Joe Eberle.
In neighboring Ann Arbor,
police haven't had trouble with
large parties at all, according
to Capt. Robert Conn.
Ann Arbor hasn't explored
the blind pig law, Conn said,
because students have cooperated
with police in controlling
their parties.
Since East Lansing police
began using the statute last
school year, Hedman has
been arraigned on blind pig
charges and four other students
have pied guilty to misdemeanor
charges. Of the
remaining four, two spent
weekends in the Ingham
County Jail.
The other two, MSU
placekicker John Langeloh,
and Paul Butland, brother of
MSU punter Josh Butland, who
were arrested for a keg party
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lower lcvd 241 Building
hair/nail care for women/
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that drew about 400 people
Oct. 21 await sentencing this
month. Representing Langeloh
and Butland is Lansing
attorney Fred Abood, who
argues the pair were not arrested
for a blind pig, but for
holding a postgame celebration
no different than those for
fraternities and organizations
announced over the loudspeakers
at Spartan Stadium
during football games.
"To turn that event into a
blind pig is absolutely absurd,"
he said. Although food and
beer were provided and contributions
accepted, Abood says
no one was denied entrance to
'the party if they didn't pay.
Abood said police - finding no
money, no drugs and no
contraband - may have
decided to make an example
of Langeloh, a high-profile
student.
He said the presence of a
large media contingent at
Langeloh's arraignment is
proof that someone wanted the
case to get a lot of publicity.
Notifying the press "was
done in advance by those
connected with t.he government,"
he said.
Abood said the blind pig
charges are part of a city effort
to reduce the use and abuse of
alcoholic beverages.
"I agree with that objective,
but I don't agree with the procedure,"
he said.
But Doreen Koenig, a
Thomas Cooley Law School
professor and former chair of
the ACLU's Lansing branch,
said Abood may be fighting an
uphill battle." What the city of
East Lansing seems to be
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doing is going to parties that
are advertised as open to the
public, then purchasing alcohol
- and since it's illegal to sell
alcohol without a license, I
don't see any constitutional
barrier," she said.
Koenig, who as an ACLU
attorney successfully fought
East Lansing's Cedarfest
· ordinance and a court injunction
setting guidelines for
sealing off the party's site, said
she didn't think the blind pig
laws could be fought unless
police start breaking up small,
private parties.
"It's a difficult cine to defend
against," she said.
Both Koenig and Eddie
said entrapment charges
against undercover police who
go into parties to buy beer
don't hold water because the
parties are open to the public,
and police don't encourage or
aid in the partying.
Of unsuccessful appellate
court challenges to the blind
pig statute, Prosecutor Eddie
said: " It's been tested for a
number of years and it's fairly
tight."
Much to the chagrin of students,
police vow to continue
using the statute.
~~~~~~~~idlai4/
l MeM? """'
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20 September 1990 university Reporter-Intelligencer • 11
From MILLER, p. 6
"Get your things together now. I need
to see identification. I need to see your
identification now."
After pulling my pants on in a daze I
found my driver's license and began to
pack up my things. I respond to orders
betterfirst thing in the morning when I
can't think. As I picked up my camera to
stash it in my bag I realized that I would
want to record this great moment in free
speech for my grandchildren - or at least
my friend 's grandchildren - so that they
could perceive how open, caring and
democratic my alma mater really was. ,
As I appeared out of the CELA shanty.
snapping photos of our assembled callers,
their rather derisive smiles turned to looks
of dismay. Apparently they didn't appreciate
pictures at this time of the morning any
mor than we liked rude company. Apparently,
that was why they had paid this visit
so early. Talk about camera-shy.
From here the occasion went downhill
even further as our guests seemed to
have rather strange ideas of fun. They
proceeded to tear down our shanties
expressing free speech in Peoples's Park.
One brave soul crawled up on top of one
of the structures hoping to dissuade these
rude people from their rather brutal behaviour
- to no avail. He was arrested.
Later we returned to the site to erect
at least a temporary shelter - what we
called a "Peace Tent". Again our guests
went wild - this time not only ripping down
and confiscating our structure, but also
arresting four more of our People's Park
denizens as well as arresting the first one
again. This time I wasn't the only one
recording the memories - it seemed local
television stations and newspapers also
thought it would make good popcorn and
video material someday. One of my
favorites will surely be the shot of one
male DPS official with his hand up the
back of the shirt of handcuffed Michelle
Tinti - some sort of strange display of affection,
I suppose - while she screamed
in pain from the cuffs.
Well, I guess they sure showed us
radical peace-mongers. They showed us
that MSU administrators and DPS officers
are the last ones we would want to invite
to a free-speech party. I feel that perhaps
they would fit in better at a CedarFest.
Perhaps a little charm school ... ?
-Afller i1111 member of the
Committee for Education on Latin
America.
\ /, I . '. . { .\ .; Ii
~L~--..~. -
What do you get the man who has everything (except brains)?
Kuwait?
Nope, Geek o' the Week dishonors!
Congrats, Saddam Hussein, or is it Madman Insane?
The fellah who couldn't keep his country out of a war for ten minutes.
Wow! What a resume! Maybe someday they'll make you a
garbage man In South Africa. You folks oughtta get along fine.
In the meantime, the toughest man In the worid - next to Hulk
Hogan and Donatello the Ninja Turtle - George Bush, has finally
found a way to get the army drinking bottled water.
Afterall, if Evian's good enough for the Kennebunkport posse, why
not the military?
At least you accomplished SOMETHING, Nutball •••
''I go to the Silver
ollar because ...
drink specials present an excellent cost
benefit ratio for even the most aggressive
consumer!"
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Attractions:
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9-25 Shear Threat - Dallas, TX.
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• • ' i • 'i ; • '. '· • •. • • • .. • ; • ~ • • •. ~ • • '"•. ~ ~
10-2 Avalanche - Raleigh, NC.
10-9 Dub eel - Ridgefield, CT.
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-ll.LlmlEntertainment
Dead music lives
£D®l1il Dead Can Dance
Dead Can Dance dive into the
ancient roots of all music on their
latest 4AD release, Aion.
Dead Can Dance have never
been known as a cover band. But
on Aion, they cover an Italian 14th
century instrumental danse (Saltarello),
and a 16th century Catalonian
traditional piece (The Song of
the Sibyl).
• Now, picture if you will, the
days of King Arthur with the
minstrel playing happily in the
background. Add a Middle Eastmost.
It is rich in harmony and full
in sound.
"Radharc," the last track on the
LP, i's the most elaborate and ·
perhaps the best song on the LP.
It seems to encompass the rest of
the tracks on the album. If each
song is one idea, then "Radharc"
is all of these ideas put into one
song.
Aion is the history of all music
today, and the future. Dead Can
Dance have taken the Music of the
ancients and made it timeless.
- Angie Csrozzo
ern touch. "Saltarello" is this song. •
It takes a drum beat that is
reminiscent of the Middle East and
blends it with the minstrel's pipe to
create an upbeat traditional dance
piece.
Another outstanding track is
"The Song of the Sibyl [prophetess]."
As a prophecy it seems
bleak though.
Lisa Gerrard portrays the sibyl
who knows what's going to happen.
_But as her voice floats along
effortlessly, you can feel her pain
at knowing what's going to happen.
Gerrard truly shows the range
of her talents on "As the Bell Rings
the Maypole Spins." A Middle
Eastern melody is played on the
bagpipes and Gerrard's yoice
shrills along with them.
"The End of Words" sounds
like a traditional church hymn with
a Gerrard's voice standing out the
Toss your popcorn during
this awful Toy Matinee The song rolls along with a soft guitar and
an emotional keyboard line. After being
beaten on the head with the first four songs,
"Toy Matinee" is both a breath of fresh air and
a good song to relax and think to.
'iT®W OOtt1.UDl1il~ Toy Matinee
Toy Matinee's debut album of the same
name burns with the sounds of Peter Gabriel
and Squeeze. But it sounds more like a rip-off
than an influence.
"Queen of Misery" is the epitome of their
inconsistencies. The song contradicts itself
with Squeeze-style funk music with a good
beat (you can dance to it) and bass sounds like
a Peter Gabriel rip-off:
But the lyrics tell a story of a girl's loneliness
and pain. So where's the connection?
Toy matinee does briefly step out of this
genre though. "Things She Said" starts out
promising with more of a folk influence, but
when the chorus comes in, they dive back into
the ocean of mediocrity.
By far, the most outstanding song is the
title track. The guitar floats along in the vein of
Pink Floyd. Surprisingly enough, this isn't a
rip:.off though.
With the seasoned talent that appears on
this LP - Pat Leonard, Kevin Gilbert and
producer Bill Bottrell - it would seem that they
could have come up with something more original.
One song, "Toy Matinee,'' is not worth
buying this album for.
-Angie Carozza
ac wee , every wee , t 1s wee , next wee , we re ere. e re t e u - .
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